9 Best Life Lessons I Learned From Gram

Gram’s Wisdom 56

There is something exceptional about grandmothers. They seem to have a knack for making you feel special. Grandmothers always know how to make their grandchildren smile. They love to laugh and have a good time with them. Grandmothers are also the most loving people, always ready to offer a hug or a listening ear.

Grandmothers have often faced many challenges in their lives, but they have always endured. They are strong and resilient, and they never give up. Despite their strength, grandmothers are also gentle and kind. They have a wealth of experience and wisdom to share, and their words of wisdom can stay with us for a lifetime. 

My Gram’s words have been rattling around in my brain for 60 years. They are the same words I use with my grandson. They are the same words I have been sharing in these Gram’s wisdom posts. She once told me, “How we do things changes, the reasons for doing them never change.”

Here are some life lessons that anyone’s grandmother might have passed on:

Be neat and orderly.

Keeping your home clean, neat, and orderly is timeless advice. A devotion to cleanliness isn’t just about surprise guests popping in; there are many benefits to an organized household. These benefits include less stress, more motivation, and productivity.

• A cluttered and messy home can be a source of stress. A clean and organized home, on the other hand, can provide a sense of calm and order. This can help to reduce stress levels and improve your overall mood.

• When your home is clean and organized, you're more likely to feel motivated to get things done. A cluttered space can be distracting and make it difficult to focus. A clean and organized space, on the other hand, can help you to stay on task and be more productive.

Are you looking for ways to improve your mental and physical health, reduce stress, and boost your productivity? Then keeping your home clean, tidy, and organized is a great place to start. Just begin by decluttering one area at a time and make it your habit of putting things away after you use them. (Remember: trying is more important than perfection.)

Be punctual.

Show others you respect their time by arriving on time. Besides being polite, it allows you to pull yourself together and be ready for the meeting, appointment, or visit.

• When you arrive on time, you show the other person that you value their time and you are reliable. It’s also a demonstration that you are prepared and organized and you can manage your time effectively.

• You build trust with others: When you are always on time, people know they can count on you. This can be especially important in professional settings, where trust is essential.

Being punctual is a skill that takes practice, but it is worth it. Set a reminder to leave ten minutes earlier than you normally would. Arriving on time, or even a little bit early, is a simple way to make a good impression. You also set yourself up for success in both your personal and professional life.

Treat others with consideration.

Be flexible in your interactions with people. Different people might require a slightly different approach. They will appreciate the effort, and you will sharpen your people skills.

• Different people have different communication styles and needs. For example, some people prefer to be direct and to the point, while others prefer a more gentle and indirect approach. It's important to adapt your communication style to the individual you're interacting with.

• Being flexible shows you're interested in the other person. When you take time to understand how they communicate and what they need, it shows you're paying attention and that you care about what they have to say. This can build trust and rapport, which leads to more productive and enjoyable interactions.

Connect with people on a personal level and tailor your message to their needs. This can help you to build strong relationships, be more persuasive, and be successful in your career.

Love yourself.

Everyone has their struggles, but never forget to love yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat a loved one. Avoid negative self-talk and don’t attempt to be someone else. You are your person, and that person is special!

• Self-love is essential for mental and physical health. When you love yourself, you are more likely to take care of your physical and mental health. You are also more likely to make healthy choices, such as eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep.

• Self-love is the foundation of healthy relationships. When you love yourself, you are more likely to have healthy relationships with others. You are less likely to be codependent or to attract toxic people into your life.

If happiness and success are what you seek, it is important to love yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Skip the negative self-talk and focus on your strengths and your accomplishments.

Rough times come – but they pass.

Nothing lasts forever. Neither good times nor bad times. So, acknowledge that you will face rough times, but they will not last. Take time to lick your wounds, but eventually, you will need to pick yourself up and move forward. 

• Everyone experiences rough times at some point. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated when you are going through a rough time. Don't try to ignore your emotions; that just makes them worse. Instead, allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, and then let it go.

If you are going through a rough time, remember you are not alone. Don't let it consume you. Just continue taking things one day at a time. Eventually, the tough times will pass, and you will be stronger.

Practice good manners. 

Using good manners doesn’t cost anything and brings harmony to your relationships. Remember to say “Please” and “Thank You” and, in general, be considerate of those around you.

1| Good manners make you more likable.

People are more likely to be drawn to and to like you if you practice good manners. This can be helpful in both your personal and professional life.

2| Good manners are a show of respect:

When you use good manners, you show respect for the other person. This can help to build positive relationships and to create a more harmonious environment.

3| Be considerate of others' feelings and needs.

This means things like holding the door open for someone. Allowing someone to go ahead of you in line. And not talking over someone when they are speaking.

4| Be mindful of your surroundings.

This means things like not talking loudly in public, not littering, and not blocking walkways.

5| Apologize when you make a mistake:

Everyone makes mistakes, but it is important to apologize when you do. This shows that you are aware of your mistake and that you are willing to make amends.

Stand by your convictions.

While you should strive to be pleasant and courteous, it is also important that you stand up for your convictions. Be assertive, not aggressive.

• If someone tries to push you around or make you feel bad about yourself, it is important to set boundaries and stand up for yourself. You can do this by calmly and respectfully explaining that you do not appreciate their behavior. You can also walk away from the situation if necessary.

Offer others the respect that you also deserve. It is important to remember that you are worthy of respect, regardless of what anyone else says. You shouldn’t let anyone make you feel like you are less worthy than they are.

Don’t fear failure. 

Lessons are found in your perceived failures. If you succeed at everything, you risk learning nothing. So go out and fail at something, learn the lesson, and become a better person. You will be more apt to reach your goals, too. 

• When you fail, you can learn from your mistakes. You can identify what went wrong and what you can do differently next time. This can help you to improve your skills and to become more successful.

• Failure can also make you more resilient. When you fail, you learn that you can overcome challenges. This can give you the confidence to try new things and to take risks.

• If you never fail, you will never learn and grow. You will never reach your full potential. So don't be afraid to fail. View it as a window for opportunity.

Failure is not something to be afraid of. It is a natural part of life, and it can be a valuable growth tool.

Cherish your family and friends.

Make family and friends a priority. A strong social circle gives you a firm foundation for success. In bad times and good, these are the people you will turn to. Make sure to foster powerful relationships, by ‘giving’ as much as you ‘take’.

• Family and friends can help you to achieve your goals. They can offer you advice, guidance, and motivation. They can also help you to stay accountable and to avoid giving up on your dreams.

• Family and friends make life more enjoyable. They are the people who you can share your joys and sorrows with. They are the people who you can laugh with and cry with. They make life more meaningful and more fun.

• Call a close relative. Have dinner with them and show them that you cherish that relationship.

If you want to be happy, healthy, and successful, make family and friends a priority. Make time for them and listen to them. Be generous to them and forgive them. And be there for them, and they will be there for you when you need them the most.

My final thoughts are.

The above bits of wisdom are simple maxims as true today as they ever were. They are meant to help us behave well and to get along with others. I have only one thing to add and that is be kind.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

For more information, check out these posts.

9 Pieces Of Life Advice From Your Grandma That You Should Actually Listen To.

Little Kindnesses Create Big Impacts.

How To Become A Likable Person

Gram’s Wisdom 53

Do you know someone whom everyone likes? I did, for many years. It was my Gram. Everybody liked her. Young people, old people, and even small children. They all went away with the feeling that they had just met their new best friend. Some people have this ability to skate through life, beloved by everyone. They find it easy to make friends and rarely ruffle anyone's feathers.

All my life I stood in awe of Gram’s ability to draw people to her magnetically. I am a dyed-in-the-wool introvert, so I always believed it was her exceptionally extroverted personality that made her so likable. She, on the other hand, had always believed that these 4 things were the biggest contributing factors to being liked.  

1. Be kind to others, even when they are not kind to you.

2. Find something to be grateful for every day.

3. Focus on the positive aspects of life.

4. Be a good listener.

Since she has been gone, I have had time to give serious thought to the skills and behaviors she and other especially likable people have in common and expanded her list. I knew she wouldn’t mind. 

If you are interested in learning more about the habits of likable people, continue reading.

They are honest and genuine.

Honesty is a key ingredient in likability. You can't be likable if you are constantly lying, it will catch up to you eventually. People are drawn to those who are truthful and trustworthy. When you are honest, you build trust with others, which makes them more likely to like you. 

There are many benefits to being honest. For one, it can help you build stronger relationships with others. When you are honest with your friends, family, and colleagues, they can trust you and rely on you. This can lead to deeper and more meaningful relationships.

Likable people are also genuinely themselves. They don't act like anyone else; they are happy with who they are. When you are authentic, you attract people who appreciate you for who you are. You also make it easier for people to connect with you on a deeper level.

Being authentic can be difficult, especially in a world where we are constantly bombarded with messages about what we should look like, act like, and think like. However, it is important to remember that there is no one right way to be. The most important thing is to be true to yourself.

If you want to be a likable person, it is important to be authentic. Be yourself, and don't be afraid to show your true colors. People will appreciate that about you.

They give freely.

You don't have to give away everything you own to be likable, but being willing to give without receiving anything in return is a key trait of a likable person. People are drawn to those who are kind and giving. When you are willing to give of yourself, you make others feel valued and appreciated. This can lead to deeper relationships and a more positive social environment.

Giving is a sign of kindness, compassion, and generosity. These are all qualities that people admire and respect. You can give your time, your money, or your skills. When you give emotional support or simply a listening ear, this can make a real difference in the lives of those around you. No matter how you choose to give, it is important to do so with a genuine heart.

They are happy to see others succeed.

When someone you care about achieves something great, it is natural to feel happy for them. Likable people take this happiness to the next level by celebrating their friends and family's accomplishments. They are genuinely happy to see others being rewarded, and they do not feel threatened or jealous. They allow them to bask in their glory.

There are many benefits to being around people who are happy to see you succeed. For one, it can boost your self-confidence. When you know that your friends and family are rooting for you, it can make you feel more capable and motivated.

Additionally, being around people who celebrate your accomplishments can help you build stronger relationships. When you feel supported and appreciated, you are more likely to feel close to the people in your life.

Finally, being around people who are happy to see you succeed can make you happier overall. When you are surrounded by positive people, it is easier to focus on the good things in life.

They ask thoughtful questions and listen attentively.

It is often said that we should listen two times as much as we speak. Likable people take this a step further. Listening is a skill often overlooked but is one of the most important skills you can have. When you are a good listener, you show you care what the other person has to say. This can make them feel valued and respected.

Additionally, being a good listener can help you learn more about the people and world around you. When you listen attentively, you can pick up on things that you might not otherwise notice. This can give you a better understanding of their thoughts, feelings, and motivations.

In addition to being good listeners, likable people also ask thoughtful questions. This shows that they are interested in what the other person has to say and that they are paying attention. It also helps you to keep the conversation going and to learn more about the other person.

• Ask open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no answer.

• Ask questions that are relevant to the conversation.

When asking questions, it is important to be sincere and to ask questions that you are genuinely interested in the answer to. Avoid asking questions that are too personal or that could make the other person feel uncomfortable. It is also important to be respectful of the other person's time and not ask too many questions.

They are positive.

It’s much more enjoyable to spend time with positive people. They might not always be over-the-top happy, but likable people tend to think and behave positively. They are cheerful and will always look for the silver lining in any situation. When you are positive, you make others feel good, and you create a more enjoyable atmosphere for all.

There are benefits to being a positive person. First, it can help you attract positive people into your life. Remember like attracts like. This can lead to more robust relationships and a more positive social environment.

Second, being positive can help you improve your health. Studies have shown that positive people tend to have lower stress levels, better immune systems, and longer lifespans.

Third, being positive can help you achieve your goals. When you are positive, you are more likely to believe in yourself and your ability to succeed. This can lead to greater motivation and accomplishment.

Last, likable people are grateful. They appreciate the advantages that come with positivity.

They are less judgmental than most.

Likable people tend to be less judgmental than the rest of us. If they do judge someone, they will do it silently. They believe that "live and let live" is the best attitude to adopt if your actions cause no harm to anyone. They are less likely to create drama or begin arguments. They are more likely to be supportive and encouraging. As a result, people are more likely to want to be around them.

Likable people also tend to be more understanding and forgiving. They are less likely to hold grudges or to dwell on the negative aspects of a situation. They are more likely to see the good in people giving them the benefit of the doubt by focusing on their strengths rather than their weaknesses.

Likable people are more accepting of differences. They understand that everyone is different and that there is no one right way to live. They are more empathetic. They can put themselves in other people's shoes and understand why they might make the choices that they make. Because they are more confident, they don’t feel the need to put others down to make themselves feel better.

They act responsibly.

No one is perfect; everyone makes mistakes at some time or another. Likable people are not afraid to admit when they are wrong. They know that everyone makes mistakes, and they are willing to own up to theirs. They also know that the best way to make up for a mistake is to learn from it and try not to make it again.

Likable people don’t try to wriggle off the hook by blaming others or making excuses. They own up to what they’ve done and simply say “I made a mistake.” They then express their regret for the mistake and let the other person know they are sincerely sorry.

Likable people will do their level best to make amends. This can take the form of an apology to someone you’ve hurt or repairing, replacing something you’ve broken. The object is accountability and learning. They try to understand what went wrong and how they can avoid a repeat of the same mistake in the future.

They are patient.

Likable people are often more patient than others. They don't mind waiting for you to figure out what you want to do. They don't become irritated or annoyed very quickly. They understand that everyone has different needs, and their pace of achievement is also different. They will let you move at your speed, just happy to be in your company.

Likable people are relaxed in manner. They don’t feel the need to rush through things. They find contentment and happiness in taking their time and mindfully enjoying each moment.

Likable people are kind, patient, and supportive because they care about others. They want to make the world a better place, and they know that one way to do that is to be kind to others. They are also patient because they understand that everyone makes mistakes. They are supportive because they want to help others make progress.

My final thoughts are.

Likability can be a skill like any other. Sure, some people come by it naturally, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t practice and adopt the habits of likability. The real secret sauce is for you to genuinely like and care about other people.

For more information, read these posts.

Gift Yourself A Kindness Mindset

13 Habits Of Exceptionally Likeable People

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

Give Yourself A Much-Needed Break

Gram’s Wisdom 24 Don’t continue to replay past mistakes

Gram told me we should never get stuck in our past mistakes. She said it was like walking through a puddle of molasses. “You know you shouldn’t because it will only hold you back.”

Of course, she was also a firm believer in getting on with the things that move you forward and letting go of negativity holding you back.

So, from her, I learned it’s perfectly okay to stop clobbering yourself over mistakes you’ve made in the past. No one deserves your kindness and understanding more than you do. This affects your well-being, as well as the people in your life.

No wallowing allowed

How often, do we allow a mistake or an incorrect decision to adversely impact our lives long after the event occurred? By doing so, we end up being unable to appreciate the present and take advantage of new prospects and experiences.

Dwelling on a mistake for lengthy periods can be harmful to you. After all, our time here is limited, and unlike your favorite movie, no passing moment can be replayed or started over. It’s difficult to enjoy the freshness offered on a new day when your mind is always troubled by regret and negative self-talk.

Did ya’ hear, you are human

In case you haven’t noticed, human beings are programmed to make mistakes. We aren’t given an instruction manual at birth (we would likely lose it anyway) with details for the best way to handle the vast number of decisions and events we experience throughout our life. Therefore, it makes no sense to go through life with the intent of being perfect.

Of course, you should try to make the appropriate decisions and handle situations to the best of your ability, but only with the knowledge that you will not always do so. Any mistake you end up making should not come as a total surprise but should instead serve to remind you that as a fallible human being, just like all other people around you, mistakes will be made.

Being human is wonderful. We are capable of so many emotions, creations, and discoveries. However, we are far from perfect and mistakes are sure to happen. Always bear that in mind.

Errors=examples of what not to do

A great way to avoid beating yourself up over a shortcoming or wrong decision is to not view the situation in a negative light. Instead, try to realize that mistakes are a necessary part of the growth process. Consider this, every single thing you have ever learned how to do with any level of expertise has been achieved through trial and error. This process in no way ends just because you have become an adult. For as long as you live, you will continue to encounter new situations.

It’s silly to think that, as an adult, you will somehow be able to respond to new situations the right way from the beginning. If you ever reach a point in your life where you fail to make a mistake here and there, it’s probably not a good thing. If nothing you do poses a challenge, this means you are at a place of stagnation.

It is important to consider every mistake as an example that allows you to adjust, modify your actions, and do better on the next go around.

Take another look

Most of us do our best to forgive other people after they have messed up. This is particularly true for the people closest to us. Sure, we may be upset and even angry for a while, but we usually don’t hold the issue over the offender’s head forever. 

Ironically, we struggle more to forgive ourselves than to do the same for others. Considering this inconsistency, try to change your vantage point the next time you are avoiding permitting yourself forgiveness. After all, nobody is closer to you than you. Knowing that forgiveness is a necessary part of maintaining external relationships, you must also realize that this requirement is just as true for nurturing your mental environment.

My final thought

Humans do many foolish things. How badly we treat ourselves may just be the worst. We berate ourselves for our mistakes, and we hate to give ourselves the break we deserve. I believe it’s time to extend a little compassion and kindness for past mistakes to that person you live with every moment, yourself.

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You Want To Be Forgiving

Gram’s Wisdom 23

My Gram believed we all should be more forgiving. She was the ultimate people person. The idea of losing the friendship or company of someone she liked due to a lapse in behavior or a misunderstanding wasn’t sensible to her.

If you’ve been hurt, it might feel ludicrous to think about forgiving someone who hurt you but hear me out, there are important reasons why offering forgiveness can help you.

You may have a blind spot when it comes to forgiveness, but there are valuable reasons why you should consider forgiveness as one of the options related to your anger, sadness, or other emotions tied to your situation.

There are reasons why you may want to forgive someone who hurt you

Forgiveness can restore what’s been lost:

Gram told me the rift between people can grow larger if we don’t take pains to put a stop to it. The pain lingers, the resentment grows, and the hurt takes on a life of its own. Hashing things out and forgiving can allow for restoration and resolution. The times when the issues are too serious and too big to resolve, forgiveness can still make it possible to stop the feedback loop playing in your head. If restoration isn’t possible, letting go of what is eating you up is still an option. 

The benefits of forgiving and forgetting are emotional, physical, and practical. Walking around with chronic anger and resentment can bleed into all areas of life. By finding the courage and practical ways to forgive, you can move through your negative emotions and into a better space of acceptance, healthy boundaries, and grace.

Pent-up anger causes physical illness:

Your bitterness or pain can transform into real physical illness, depriving you further than you’ve already been. Keeping the offense unresolved can lead to high blood pressure, anxieties, and worse. You do your body a favor by forgiving helping to ensure your health remains intact.

Your emotions remain unresolved:

If you carry the emotions tied to your situation, they will remain unresolved. Feeling angry, bitter, sad, or any other negative emotion comes from the place that wants justice and vindication. Mixed in with the muck and the mire are all manner of distorted thoughts that preserve your unresolved emotions. This can make a mountain out of a molehill and steal your happiness. Letting go of the blame and need for vindication makes it possible to move through the situation and on with your life.

Forgive and forget

You may agree theoretically that forgiving and forgetting is possible, but, is it? Gram would have said, Absolutely with time, patience, and grace. Having a forgiving nature may not be a natural state of being but it can become part of your relationships tool kit.

Let’s look at how to forgive, and why people don’t forgive:

It doesn’t feel fair- It feels unfair to forgive someone who might be getting away with doing a bad thing. It doesn’t fit the idea of justice to not hold someone accountable and require amends for their offense. It feels like your pain isn’t valid or important enough and that the offender is going to go without understanding the effect their actions have on you and others.

It feels good- The only reason someone holds onto negative feelings is that they are getting something out of it. Holding a grudge and being hostile feels good. It feels good to know someone owes you for their transgression. It feels good to be the center of other people’s sympathies and caring inquiries. 

With these things in play, it’s possible to forgive and forget.

A | You see the big picture

From knowing it is in your best interest physically and emotionally, to know that it’s ultimately best for others, forgiveness can come when you see a bigger picture.

B | You see more than one angle to a situation

In rare cases, you can look past the offense and examine the circumstances in totality. Find it in your heart to forgive and, in some cases, build a relationship that transcends the situation.

C | Your understanding overrides your emotions

Don’t allow emotions to rule the day. When understanding decrees, forgiveness will happen. Understanding sees the benefits despite the apparent loss. When understanding nudges emotions to consider moving on, forgiveness is possible.

Forgiveness is always possible when the keenness of the situation diminishes, and the bigger picture comes into play. Allow yourself time, patience, and grace, and you can find forgiveness.

My final thought

We all draw a line at what seems to us to be unforgivable and rightly so. At the same time, we know when we forgive a transgression against us, it brings us peace. I believe like my Gram, that in the end, forgiveness is a choice. I choose to look for every way I can to forgive someone and to keep them part of my life.

This post is in response to my 3rd most popular post and I have linked it below.

How Forgiveness Makes Us Happier and Healthier

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Forgive Old Injuries And Let them Go

Gram’s wisdom 12: Offer forgiveness

My Gram saw forgiveness as an extension of kindness. Just as you would offer your hand in friendship to someone who needs it, you should offer your forgiveness to people who ask. We are all human and we are all prone to making mistakes she said.

From my Gram, I learned we frequently see ourselves as more aggrieved than necessary and nurse the wounds needlessly. Instead, she told me we are the beneficiaries when we forgive others, and let the hurts go.

The end of the year is a particularly good time to forgive old injuries. Don’t begin a New Year with thoughts of past offenses. You deserve to forgive yourself and others and begin with a clean slate.   

Forgiveness in everyday life

The easiest path to forgiving big things is by routinely forgiving small things. Practicing the art of forgiveness in everyday life makes it easier to draw on those experiences when you need to forgive bigger offenses.

People who forgive easily have some things in common:

●       They see life as fallible and know everyone takes missteps

●       They see people as generally good rather than bad

●       They understand that their perceptions play into whether they feel offended

●       They don’t sweat the small stuff

●       They don’t expect perfection

●       They are not overly sensitive people

People who find it easy to forgive have a corner on the happiness market because they use their underlying morals and values to move through the day and offer forgiveness inwardly and outwardly and let it go.

Here are some ways to forgive and adopt an emotionally mature mindset each day:  

For poor service- when you are treated poorly by waitstaff or a clerk at a store, consider what might be driving their negativity. Having compassion can make it easier to forgive poor behavior. Instead of assuming the clerk is a disconnected jerk, imagine he/she is working overtime and has been berated by many customers.

For rude gestures- If someone cuts you off in traffic, takes your parking space, or gives you a smug look - forgive them. Try to not to take things personally. The sooner you can let it go, the sooner you can replace anger with a better-suited emotion for your day. Being able to forgive rudeness frees you up for a better mood.

For mistakes- Mistakes happen it’s a fact of life. You make them too. Berating someone for a mistake rubs their nose in it and makes them defensive. To the best of your ability, forgive mistakes quickly and appreciate any gestures to make amends. Allowing grace and a chance to do the right thing should help wipe away the sting of a mistake.

Learning to let go of righteous anger or sadness that comes from being offended does yourself a world of good.

“Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”

— Jonathan Huie

Ask for forgiveness when the mistake is yours

It’s easy to stand behind your own anger and offense when someone has hurt you. It isn’t nearly as easy to be the one who needs forgiveness. When you’ve made a mistake, many things come into play - anger, shame, defensiveness. These things make it hard to ask for or receive forgiveness.

One of the keys to receiving forgiveness is to practice it. Forgiving people are better able to understand that mistakes and missteps happen, and sometimes we step in it metaphorically. By offering forgiveness regularly, they see that it is possible to do something regrettable and be absolved.

You can ask for and receive forgiveness. Consider these tips as you go:

Tip #1. Make a Sincere Apology- Forgiveness comes best following an apology. The sooner the better and the more specific the apology the better. If you know what you did, be sincere and specific about why that was wrong and how you plan to ensure it never happens again.

Tip #2. Hear Your Impact- Forgiveness usually comes after an apology and clearing of the air that includes the offended person feeling heard and validated for their pain. Be willing to hear the impact you made and don’t let pride or defensiveness diminish the feelings of the other person.

Tip #3. Be Willing to Not be Forgiven- Asking for forgiveness is a question, not a command. That means hearing “no” can be one of the options. It is entirely possible that the person you hurt is unwilling or unable to move on now or yet. Be patient.

Asking for forgiveness is a mature and humbling experience. If the person you offended is unable or unwilling to forgive you, you have done the most important thing you can for restoration by atoning and asking for grace. You can sleep well knowing you’ve done what you can. Modify any behavior that got you into that mess and become a bigger and better person. Offer forgiveness to those in need and realize it is all a cycle and what you put out into the world will eventually come back.

I hope you enjoyed this post and will share it with your family and friends.

For more forgiveness look here.

How Forgiveness Makes Us Happier And Healthier

How Forgiveness Makes Us Happier and Healthier

We occasionally come face to face with people whom for one reason or another we have not forgiven some trespass of theirs in the past or even worse yet we are the party guilty of something unforgivable. Whether they are family or friends we seldom or no longer speak to it is always an uncomfortable meeting.

Forgiveness Can Restore Your Life

Once you realize that forgiveness doesn’t excuse or condone a transgression. It may be easier to enjoy the benefits of the true meaning of forgiveness.

Whether justice is served with apologies, reparation or other positive actions, forgiveness can lift the burden of anger and resentment and give you back your thoughts.

When you practice forgiveness, you gift yourself with a much deserved freedom, to get on with your life and give the person who wronged you the least amount of thought and time possible.

When you forgive, you’re releasing the burden of what happened from your shoulders. Making the decision to rid your mind of thoughts of revenge and anger. Choosing instead the happy and peaceful memories that lie in the future.

Forgiveness – Getting There

You may want to be able to forgive – to release the anger that’s dominating your thoughts and making your stomach churn – but you don’t know how. Or, perhaps the wrong perpetrated against you was so heinous that forgiveness seems out of the question.

You may be afraid that if you forgive, you’re “giving in.” You need not forget the memory of the transgression nor let the person who perpetrated it back into your life. You’re never obligated to condone the action or display kindness toward the person. That’s not what true forgiveness is.

The best way you can begin to forgive is to practice controlling your thought process. When negative thoughts of revenge and anger first appear, practice booting them out immediately and replace them with positive thoughts – of doing something for yourself.

Others are not always at fault. So don’t continue to beat yourself up if you have acted in a way that has harmed YOU in the past. Let go of what you can’t change. Choose forgiveness for yourself

Spend your energy in positive ways rather than dwelling on past, hurtful instances. Keep in mind that you’re not making the transgression “okay” if you choose not to think about it. You’re trading the harm that the thoughts are causing in your energy and life for a more abundant and happier life.

Forgiveness Shows Character

If you can forgive, you’re way ahead in strength of character. It takes courage and commitment to forgive and not seek revenge for every wrong done against you. Forgiveness is a virtue that deals with temperance – and temperance is the action we take against excess in everything – anger, food, envy and other emotional triggers.

When you forgive, you’re making a conscious effort to live a happier, more active and authentic life that strengthens your character even more because you’ve worked through a major problem to success.

With forgiveness, you must acknowledge the pain perpetrated against you. After you forgive, you’ll soon be aware that you have no more thoughts of revenge and you may not even feel anger for the person who hurt you.

Letting go of negative thoughts certainly doesn’t take away the pain and hurt, but it helps you move it into a category of the “past” so you can get on with your future. The ability to move past the hurts and into the realm of forgiveness is a huge character builder because all the steps you have to take discard the negative portions of your character while replacing them with positive ones.

Get Your Power Back with Forgiveness

When something has happened to shake your trust or belief in another person (especially someone you love), you may feel anger and resentment for a long time. You can reduce the power that the other person has over your feelings and actions by forgiving and letting go of the destructive emotions and the hurt of past transgressions.

These self-destructive emotions and thoughts can cost you dearly in terms of power for yourself. Forgiveness is a tried and true way for victims to reclaim their power and gain power over the person who wronged them. If you don’t choose to forgive, the transgressor retains the power over you.

You may always remember the hurt or tragedy you suffered through the act of another person, but that doesn’t mean that it has to stalk you forever. When you forgive, you get a type of peace and calm without condoning the act or excusing the person who transgressed against you.

Keep in mind that there’s no timeline for forgiveness. It should happen when and only when you’re ready and not when others say you should move on or it would be better for you if you moved on.

How Forgiveness is its Own Revenge

The only way to move beyond what you’ve been through is with authentic forgiveness.

Some stages involved in the process are:

1. Don’t think you can change the past. Wanting a different outcome won’t make it happen. You’re left with the reality of what happened and although you can’t change it, you can let go of that hope and get on with the future.

2. Make a decision that you won’t seek revenge on the other person. When you forgive, you make a conscious decision not to seek justice by yourself. Rather, living your life the best you can will be the best revenge.

3. Move beyond the bitterness. That happens when you actively choose to replace the vindictive and negative thoughts with positive ones. How can you change your life for the better and open yourself up to new relationships? When you figure it out, forgiveness is possible.

4. Mentally end resentment and anger and need for revenge. Your thoughts control your actions and to some degree, your body. Only positive thoughts and a decision to end the negative can get you out of the prison of thoughts of revenge.

 

 Mental, Physical and Spiritual Benefits of Forgiveness

The power of forgiveness has long been touted by religions of the world as a way to reach a higher level of spirituality. During recent decades, the power of forgiveness is also discussed among medical and psychological professionals as a method to let go of anger and resentment and prevent health problems.

The mental benefits of forgiveness may include:

·  Ridding your mind of depression and lifting the anxiety you may feel from anger and resentment.

·  Clarity and focus. You’re better able to cope with reality and the matters at hand when you choose forgiveness over negative thoughts.

·  Protects against long-term stress. Poor mental health is often associated with stress and nothing causes stress like anger and resentment.

The physical benefits of forgiveness may include:

1. Lower blood pressure. Stress and anxiety may cause your blood pressure to soar. Forgiveness is letting go and can calm your nerves and mind.

2. Enjoy a longer and healthier life span. Unconditional forgiveness (not expecting an apology or reparations) is known to help people live longer and fuller lives.

3. Healthier immune system. If your immune system isn’t healthy, it has a much more difficult time fighting off diseases – both mental and physical.

Spiritual benefits of forgiveness may include:

1. Acceptance of others with compassion and understanding. Rather than concentrating on revenge, forgiveness can lead to spirituality.

2. Opens your heart and mind to others. Relationships can be improved with forgiveness.

3. Calm and peacefulness in your life. If you’ve ever experienced full-blown anger, you know how debilitating it can be. It interferes with sleep, physical functions and turns your spirit to hurt and dismay.

The Difference Between Reconciliation and Forgiveness

The act of forgiveness doesn’t always lead to reconciliation and vice versa. One isn’t necessarily dependent on the other. You can forgive without having any thoughts about restoring a relationship, and you can reconcile and “agree to disagree” without forgiving the other person.

You may think that in certain cases (such as with a spouse) you can’t possibly forgive without letting the person back in your life. For example, if your best friend has an affair with your husband, you may let both relationships fall to the wayside.

On the other hand, you can forgive the people involved so that you can get on with your own life. The harm done to your relationship may negate any possibility of reconciliation.

Forgiveness doesn’t require you to interact with the other person involved. Reconciliation does require your involvement and means that you actively engage with the offender.

The process of reconciliation means that you exchange a dialogue with the offender, express how you’ve been hurt and try to reestablish trust by moving past the hurt and anger and establish forgiveness.

One way to think about the difference between reconciliation and forgiveness is that reconciliation is accomplished by an outward process and forgiveness is given from inside with discipline and through a continuous process.

With forgiveness, apologies aren’t necessary, but they do help. Don’t expect participation from the offender when you choose to forgive. Give it freely and with love and acceptance in your heart.

Why it’s Difficult to Forgive

When someone we love and trusted has treated us with disdain the last thing on our minds is forgiveness. Our dreams have been shattered and we usually become angry. Forgiveness isn’t on the horizon.

If you’re infused with anger and resentment toward another person, your thoughts are likely full of negativity and blame. You may also have guilt for how you might have contributed to the situation or think that forgiving is only for the weak.

Being judgmental is also a reason why it’s so hard to forgive another. If you perceive the other person as not appreciating you or all you’ve done for them or the love and trust you’ve put in the relationship, it becomes even more difficult.

You can make the choice to forgive and still not reconcile or accept what they’ve done. But, when your harshness of judging begins to permeate your own life and make you bitter and resentful, forgiveness is that gift you give yourself so you can pick up the pieces and go on in a healthy manner.

Think of a time when you needed forgiveness for something you thoughtlessly did that hurt another person. How did you feel about how the other person reacted to the transgression? What would have made you understand the action you perpetrated better and help you see how hurtful it was?

Chances are, you reacted to the anger of the other person by making up excuses that it wasn’t really your fault. But, if that same person forgave you in a calm manner, it’s more likely you were better able to see the error of your ways and offer a sincere apology to that person.

For more on Forgiveness please check out this post from Mindvalley.

How To Forgive Others And Set Yourself Free

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