Gram’s Wisdom 23
My Gram believed we all should be more forgiving. She was the ultimate people person. The idea of losing the friendship or company of someone she liked due to a lapse in behavior or a misunderstanding wasn’t sensible to her.
If you’ve been hurt, it might feel ludicrous to think about forgiving someone who hurt you but hear me out, there are important reasons why offering forgiveness can help you.
You may have a blind spot when it comes to forgiveness, but there are valuable reasons why you should consider forgiveness as one of the options related to your anger, sadness, or other emotions tied to your situation.
There are reasons why you may want to forgive someone who hurt you
Forgiveness can restore what’s been lost:
Gram told me the rift between people can grow larger if we don’t take pains to put a stop to it. The pain lingers, the resentment grows, and the hurt takes on a life of its own. Hashing things out and forgiving can allow for restoration and resolution. The times when the issues are too serious and too big to resolve, forgiveness can still make it possible to stop the feedback loop playing in your head. If restoration isn’t possible, letting go of what is eating you up is still an option.
The benefits of forgiving and forgetting are emotional, physical, and practical. Walking around with chronic anger and resentment can bleed into all areas of life. By finding the courage and practical ways to forgive, you can move through your negative emotions and into a better space of acceptance, healthy boundaries, and grace.
Pent-up anger causes physical illness:
Your bitterness or pain can transform into real physical illness, depriving you further than you’ve already been. Keeping the offense unresolved can lead to high blood pressure, anxieties, and worse. You do your body a favor by forgiving helping to ensure your health remains intact.
Your emotions remain unresolved:
If you carry the emotions tied to your situation, they will remain unresolved. Feeling angry, bitter, sad, or any other negative emotion comes from the place that wants justice and vindication. Mixed in with the muck and the mire are all manner of distorted thoughts that preserve your unresolved emotions. This can make a mountain out of a molehill and steal your happiness. Letting go of the blame and need for vindication makes it possible to move through the situation and on with your life.
Forgive and forget
You may agree theoretically that forgiving and forgetting is possible, but, is it? Gram would have said, Absolutely with time, patience, and grace. Having a forgiving nature may not be a natural state of being but it can become part of your relationships tool kit.
Let’s look at how to forgive, and why people don’t forgive:
It doesn’t feel fair- It feels unfair to forgive someone who might be getting away with doing a bad thing. It doesn’t fit the idea of justice to not hold someone accountable and require amends for their offense. It feels like your pain isn’t valid or important enough and that the offender is going to go without understanding the effect their actions have on you and others.
It feels good- The only reason someone holds onto negative feelings is that they are getting something out of it. Holding a grudge and being hostile feels good. It feels good to know someone owes you for their transgression. It feels good to be the center of other people’s sympathies and caring inquiries.
With these things in play, it’s possible to forgive and forget.
A | You see the big picture
From knowing it is in your best interest physically and emotionally, to know that it’s ultimately best for others, forgiveness can come when you see a bigger picture.
B | You see more than one angle to a situation
In rare cases, you can look past the offense and examine the circumstances in totality. Find it in your heart to forgive and, in some cases, build a relationship that transcends the situation.
C | Your understanding overrides your emotions
Don’t allow emotions to rule the day. When understanding decrees, forgiveness will happen. Understanding sees the benefits despite the apparent loss. When understanding nudges emotions to consider moving on, forgiveness is possible.
Forgiveness is always possible when the keenness of the situation diminishes, and the bigger picture comes into play. Allow yourself time, patience, and grace, and you can find forgiveness.
My final thought
We all draw a line at what seems to us to be unforgivable and rightly so. At the same time, we know when we forgive a transgression against us, it brings us peace. I believe like my Gram, that in the end, forgiveness is a choice. I choose to look for every way I can to forgive someone and to keep them part of my life.
This post is in response to my 3rd most popular post and I have linked it below.
How Forgiveness Makes Us Happier and Healthier
I hope you liked this post and will share it with your family and friends.