Kindness And Its Importance In Your Life

Gram’s wisdom 48: Kindness is important.

“The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention.”

Kahil Gibran

Some people are saying that kindness appears to be missing in our society. That far too many people are more connected to their devices than to what happens around them. That they are self-absorbed, inconsiderate, and uncaring.

I don’t believe that at all. Instead, I think the connected people who do care have found their methods of showing it. They are the ones who share pretty pictures, funny cartoons, uplifting messages, and stories of hope and redemption.

Sure, lots of people will scroll by those posts. But not everyone. There will be those few who stop and read, maybe even twice, because it resonates with them. Maybe it makes their heart a little lighter, or their day a bit brighter. And if that isn’t kindness, then I don’t know what is.

My Gram was a firm believer in kindness and compassion. Her view was that no matter how much or little you have, you will always meet people less fortunate than yourself, and they are deserving of your kindness, acceptance, and forbearance. She would tell me that kindness had real value. That it can be easy to throw money at people, but less so to spend your time or your energy.

She often remarked to me that unkindness was the cause of dissension between people. I guess there is a reason why parents tell children “If you can’t say something nice to someone, don’t say anything”.

According to Dr. John and Julie Gottman – founders of the Gottman Institute, which studies relationships – every successful relationship is, in the end, supported by kindness. What’s more, they claim the most important time you should be kind is during some type of conflict, such as when you are arguing with a partner.

Gram told me that a loving, long-lasting relationship with your partner means being able to examine him/her with tolerance, for things to appreciate rather than criticize.

So, why kindness?

As children and even as adults, you look for kindness from your family and friends. You give and receive kindness every day in some form.

Kindness moves people. You remember past kindnesses done to and by you. Kindness nourishes, restores, fortifies, and elevates how you feel about your life.

Studies have shown that kindness though, is not only a good moral value but it is good for you. It is beneficial to your brain, your body, and your emotions in many ways. It is a foundation for a meaningful life.

Here are 7 reasons why kindness is so important.

1. Kindness makes you happier. And everyone seems to be looking for more happiness these days.  When you perform random acts of kindness, you stimulate areas of pleasure, social connection, and hope in your brain.

2. It creates a positive loop in your mind. Kindness makes you happier and happiness makes you kinder. When you are happy, you are more likely to feel giving and kind towards others and act on it.

3. Kindness creates social connections and bonding. As humans, a social connection of some type enhances your physical performance and boosts mental clarity. Being kind allows you to feel part of a group.

4. Kindness helps with the healing process. When healthcare is delivered with kindness it can hasten the healing process, thereby shortening hospital stays. Kinder care leads to an array of outcomes including reduced pain, lowered blood pressure, and less anxiety for the patient and caregivers.

5. Kindness can decrease or help prevent diseases. Kindness lowers our stress and anxiety levels and decreases pain because of the endorphins and feel-good hormones released at the time of the act.

6. Positive emotions from kindness boost your vagus nerve which regulates blood sugar. This helps the body prevent diabetes, strokes, and heart disease.

7. Selflessness has been shown to promote the reward area of your brain. Studies suggest that you get high on being kind.

No matter how small an act of kindness might be, it is good for you. Without kindness, life would often be lonely, filled with anger and despair, disease, and stress. But when kindness is both given and received with no expectations in return, life becomes calmer and happier with more meaningful connections to others.

Being kind is a sign of weakness.

People often believe that being kind means you are a pushover and can be easily taken advantage of.

But is this true?

On the contrary, kindness does not equal weakness. It takes a great amount of courage to be kind to someone who thinks differently than you or is slowing you down in some way.

People who perform regular acts of kindness are often more successful, more resilient, have more friends, are more social, and are well-liked than those who don’t.

How kindness helps you be a better person.

• Kindness increases confidence. Studies show that kindness increases your feelings of self-worth.

• People remember you when you are kind and willing to help others. It sets you apart from others.

• Kindness creates a ripple effect. One person being kind in some way spreads to others, who in turn spread kindness. Kindness is contagious, fostering more kindness.

• Kindness evokes a sense of trust. Studies show that even before establishing your credibility, people who are kind and project warmth are more effective than those who are not.

• Kindness bridges gaps between people. It can reach across barriers in language, gender, locality, religion, and anything else that causes people to misunderstand one another.

Luis Benitez, who has climbed the Seven Summits 32 times, says that kindness and compassion are essential to overcoming terrible physical and mental challenges. He often encounters horrible challenges during his climbs.

As an example, say you see someone limping on the day you need to reach the next camp. Instead of cursing their weakness and ignoring the pain, they are in, you stop to bandage their feet so they can keep up with you.

This is more than just being kind at the moment. If a member of the party lost their ability to hike, your entire group may have to return to the start. Stopping to help a teammate ensures you achieve your own goals.

Reclaim a sense of belonging through kindness.

It’s common to want to feel a sense of belonging. When you belong, you are acknowledged as a member of the group. A sense of belonging is a normal human need as much as the need for food and shelter is. When you feel like you belong, you feel your life has worth and you handle your emotions better.

Sometimes though, you can lose that sense of belonging.

This can be for a variety of reasons. Traumatic events could influence a person’s feelings of self-worth and self-compassion. Trauma often leaves survivors feeling out of step with the rest of the world. They feel lonely, overwhelmed, anxious, confused, and emotional pain creates a sense that they are different.

Your relationship quality is affected by your mental, physical, and emotional health. As researcher and author Brené Brown explains, “A deep sense of love and belonging is a complex need of all men, women, and children. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong.”

Recover a sense of belonging.

One way to help recover a sense of belonging is through kindness. Kindness releases the feel-good hormone. It makes you feel happier and improves your mood. Here are some ways to regain your sense of belonging.

• Contribute to the lives of others by offering to listen and be a sounding board for them. This not only brings them joy but will give you both a feeling of connectedness.

• Have compassion for others who are different from you. Spend time helping others who are less fortunate, and have different likes or needs than you.

• Let go of judgments that build walls. Instead, focus on people by connecting with them. No one is perfect. Everyone has struggles.

• Be kind with your words and way of thinking. Use words that offer strength, compassion, acceptance, and caring.

• Begin building healthy relationships with others using kindness. Healthy relationships are important to a sense of well-being. Help trauma survivors realize they are safe and secure by showing them kindness.

• Turn to your partner for support during tough times.

• Give and receive compliments with kindness.

• Begin doing things that bring you joy. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Give your time at a soup kitchen.

• Join groups or clubs that are interesting to you. Participate in discussions and be kind to those who are members.

• Kindness to both yourself and others is one of the easiest ways to begin gaining your sense of belonging back.

My final thoughts.

Kindness is the secret to a successful and satisfying life. Always be kind because your actions have a greater impact than you realize not only on you but others as well.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Please share it with those you love.

For more information, read these posts.

Why Is Kindness Important?

Little Kindnesses Create Huge Impacts.

Why Letter Writing Continues To Be Important

Gram’s Wisdom 38

While I am a journal writer and have been for years, my Gram wasn’t. Instead, she was a busy correspondent, writing to friends and absent family. Her letters would be bursting with news and questions. Why even I received letters when she was on vacation and reading them was almost like our conversations. I often wondered how she found the time to write, but I missed her and was glad she did.

You see, Gram’s letters were more than just wonderful descriptions of new locales or the different kinds of foods she would have eaten there recently. They were also full of interesting stories about the people she met. Before Gram closed the letter, she would ask me specific questions about what I was doing, how I was behaving and had I done anything special in her absence. And she expected me to write a detailed return letter.

The lessons I learned about letter-writing seemed to me, to begin with, mindfulness. The gathering of pen and paper, as well as your thoughts. Sitting down in your favorite space to begin communication with your recipient.

Then there are the feelings to convey and not just the passing on of information. The right words of sympathy to the lonely widow or an uplifting message to the man passed over for the promotion he deserved can make a huge difference in how they feel. Gram told me this is about communicating your understanding and keeping it individual and personal to them.

Generosity is another big deal here. It takes time to write a well-thought-out letter, and no one feels they have enough of that commodity any longer. When you hand-write a letter, you are in essence telling your recipient that you value them and that they are important to you.   

Many years later, Gram gave me a shoebox full of letters and placed on top a small bundle of letters I had written to her through the years. When I reread the words, I had written to her, I saw a fresh way of looking at some “pearls” she had been teaching me.

I chose the following 3 ways to get you started on your letter-writing habit. They are simple and relevant. Pick one and write that first letter.

How letter-writing can help attain your goal.

Letter-writing helps you attain your goal because it compels you to think about it, considering not only the why and the how, of the situation but the commitment you need to make to reach that goal.

It offers a living record. 

Having a record of the things you will do or have done in your life, whether it’s personal or work, is a beautiful thing. Hardly anyone has a perfect memory, so you’ll preserve the lessons you’ve learned even better with a record to look back at.

It provides accountability.

A letter helps you become accountable to yourself and to the friend or family member you have written to. Your habit of updating your correspondent about the progress of your goal will help you to become more accountable. 

It can be inspirational.

It’s more than possible that by watching you from afar, your friend sees the steps you have consistently taken to reach your goal and is inspired to act on a project. You might also be able to compile the steps from several of your letters into a course that would inspire many people.

Letter-writing to reduce loneliness.

It doesn’t matter what your issue is; if you want to overcome it, you can find a way to use letters to help. If it’s loneliness you’re experiencing, then more social interactions should be a benefit. The possibilities are truly limitless.

You can communicate your thoughts and feelings.

Writing is a time-honored way of communicating thoughts and feelings safely. You never have to let anyone read it. You can write it down in the form of letters to people, or yourself, that you keep when you’re done.

It helps nurture social connections.

It might seem like a strange notion to consider, but writing can even help you nurture social connections. The main reason is that as you read through what you’ve written, you’re going to discover ways to overcome your situation to find the healthy social connections you need.

You see the big picture more easily.

Looking over the things you’ve written in the past about any topic can provide insight into the situation that you were unaware of. The letters you wrote provide a way to see the bigger picture. You may feel lonely today, but it’s still less than yesterday, which lets you know it’s going to get even better from here.

Vacation letter-writing tips.

An excellent way to remember everything you’ve done is to keep a vacation letter for yourself. You’ll write an open-ended letter from the beginning of the trip to the end and add mementos and memories into the letter so that you can look back on it with pleasure and happiness. Plus, when you share your trip with others, your letters will be exciting and fun to read.

Write a little something every day.

Once you’re on the trip, don’t miss out on writing on any day. Try to find time to write in your letter when the experience is vivid in your mind. A sentence or a paragraph can be enough.

Add physical reminders to the letter.

Don’t just add text to your letter - also add color, images, and mementos. For example, save your tickets, the map from a day of sightseeing, or other little things you touched during your trip. It’s not necessary to buy anything extra to do this part.

Remember to write what was good as well as the bad.

You don’t want to look back on the trip and see that it’s not written realistically. It’s perfectly okay to talk about what was good and bad about the trip. Maybe you learned that you need different shoes if you’re going to walk that much? It’s a good thing to write down.

What have you learned from each day?

Add some fun facts that you learned about your destination, the people you met, the people you traveled with, and yourself. For example, did you learn that you love people watching when you didn’t know you did? Did you discover a historical fact previously unknown?

My final thoughts

When it comes to letter-writing, it’s like any other mode of communication. The important thing is to share yourself with someone in the hope that they in turn will share something of themselves with you. I can hardly imagine anything better than a years-long correspondence with a long-time friend or family member.

If you are interested in learning more about letter-writing, check out this post.

5 Life-Affirming Benefits of Writing Letters by Hand, According to Research

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10 Benefits Of Self Care On Your Mood

Gram’s Wisdom 35

When people think of their mood, they often think of just being in a good mood or a bad mood. But the truth is, there is a large gap between these two extremes. Things like mental stress, physical stress, and so many other factors go into how you feel.

Gram told me your mood is only good or bad depending on how you handle it. She said your emotions, from anxious, irritated, and fearful, at one end of the spectrum, to relaxed, and calm at the other end, affects your moods willy-nilly if you allow them.

Do you feel like you don’t have a balanced mood, or you are constantly moving from one extreme to the other? It might be time to look at your habits, including your morning and evening routines, and how you spend your time. Your behavior has a large impact on your emotions and, ultimately, your moods and how you feel.

Gram was a big proponent of daily routines that you can count on to keep you steady. As Gram once told me, we get plenty of outside influences and people to upset our day.

What causes these shifts in your mood?

One of the most surprising things about mood fluctuations is how many things in your day-to-day life, many of which you don’t have control of, can change your mood. The more you understand about mood changes, the more you can decide what lifestyle changes will help the best with your mood-boosting habits.

Some examples of shifts in your mood include:

Stress — Probably one of the most common causes is stress. This can be severe stress where you expect your mood to change, but even very mild forms of emotional stress that you didn’t realize have such a big impact on how you feel and behave overall.

Mental health — Many mental health disorders can lead to changes in your mood, including anxiety and depression. If you struggle with your mental health, you might already be aware of how drastically your mood can shift.

Sleep habits — Yes, how much and how well you sleep is going to affect your mood! We aren’t just talking about having a bad night’s sleep and not feeling your best the next morning. This also includes poor sleep hygiene habits that affect your mood the next day.

Diet — What you will see throughout this content is that what you eat can greatly impact how you feel. What you choose to eat much of the time makes a huge difference in your mood as does the amount of water you drink. So, don’t’ forget to hydrate liberally.

Medical causes — Not only can hormone fluctuations affect your mood, but other medical causes like thyroid disorders, stroke, vitamin deficiency, and ADHD might all be the cause of your mood changes.

10 Self-care strategies to boost your mood

1. Morning routine

Let’s talk a bit about morning routines. This is one of those trending topics that people think is just popular right now and will be gone before we know it, but that isn’t true at all.

You already have a morning routine, whether you knowingly realize it or not. You probably have certain tasks you need to get done shortly after waking up, such as brushing your teeth, taking a shower, walking your dogs, making your kids breakfast, or stumbling out of bed and rushing out the door to get to work.

You needn’t reinvent the wheel with your morning routine, but rather, just add a few actions in your morning that will improve your day and your mood.

One of the best activities you can add to your morning routine is to write in a journal. There are many ways this can help you, but one of my personal favorites is with a brain dump (also called stream of consciousness).

What is a brain dump?

This simply means you write whatever is on your mind and keep writing until you feel like you have gotten through all those nagging thoughts. Your mood fluctuations might be from stress or just feelings of overwhelm. Your thoughts can do that without you even realizing it.

By doing this sort of brain dump in the morning, you get those thoughts out on paper to help release some tension, but also to gain a little more clarity.

2. Improve your sleep habits

The next most important thing you can do each day when you want to boost your mood naturally, is to get better sleep. And I’m not just talking about how many hours you sleep, though that is important.

You want to focus on appropriate sleep habits, which is simply the nighttime routine you have before you go to sleep.

Here are some things you can add to your sleep routine that will help you get more restful sleep, and balance your mood at the same time:

Begin getting ready for bed 1-2 hours before you intend to fall asleep.

Try to have a normal (for you) bedtime hour.

Don’t use any electronics or keep the TV on when you are preparing for sleep.

Try to avoid stimulants like caffeine or alcohol shortly before going to sleep.

Set up your bedroom to provide a restful night’s sleep, including a cool and quiet environment.

Get blackout curtains to keep it as dark as possible in your bedroom.

Partake of quiet and calm activities before bed, such as reading or writing in your journal.

With these few changes, you should notice that you tend to fall asleep a little easier, and you don’t wake up nearly as often fatigued and irritable.

3. Become more aware of what you eat

I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but what you eat does make a difference to how you feel, both mentally and physically. Some foods, like high amounts of sugar and refined carbohydrates, give you energy and make you feel better in the short-term, but cause an energy crash, after which you might notice your mood worsening.

When it comes to eating well, you want to focus on balance and proper nutrients in moderation. Not being on a restrictive diet, but just trying to get in more complex carbs, whole grains, fruits and vegetables, and lean protein.

4. Move your body regularly

In addition to eating correctly, try to get some regular exercise. Again, it isn’t about completing a difficult fitness challenge or pushing yourself to do some extreme form of activity you don’t enjoy.

Rather, find some workouts that get you moving, that motivate and excite you to try, and that you enjoy. These can help you become mentally healthier and improve your mood exponentially, with the added benefit of being good for your physical health as well.

Some exercises you might want to include:

Walking or hiking

Dancing

Taking a local fitness class

Yoga or Pilates

Weightlifting

Family workouts with your children

5. Practice gratitude

It’s said, when you appreciate the blessings in your life, it’s hard to focus on what you don’t have. By doing this, your mood will change practically overnight.  

No matter how difficult things might feel in the present moment, there are always things you can be grateful for. It might be the people in your life who are always loving and supportive, a job you enjoy, a roof over your head, your pets or family, or simply your cup of coffee every morning when you have 5 minutes of quiet.

To improve your mood each day, begin writing 5-10 things you are grateful for in your journal. Turn this into a daily routine that you do every morning or evening, and you will notice the changes happening quickly.

6. Self-Care should be a priority

Self-care is much more than people realize, and often unappreciated. To put it simply, your self-care routine should be something you do for yourself and only you. At least once a day, you should choose some type of activity that you enjoy, relaxes you, and makes you happy.

While it can be absolutely anything, here are a few ideas if you’re not sure where to begin:

Get a manicure and pedicure

Do a face mask

Watch your favorite show

Read a book

Work on an art project

Take an afternoon nap

Soak in a bubble bath

Meet a friend for coffee

It can be something you do alone or with friends. There are no rules for self-care if it makes you feel better and is something you truly enjoy.

7. Declutter and organize your surroundings

Does seeing a pile of shoes left at the door or a dining room table you can’t eat at, exhaust you? Working on your space and getting it organized helps with mood stabilization! Have you ever woken up in a clean and orderly room, and just felt better? Just having a decluttered and clean home can make all the difference to how you feel. You’ll be happier, healthier, and more productive.

Spend just a few minutes a day (set a timer if need be) picking up your home and tidying it as much as you can, even if you have a busy schedule.

8. Disconnect once a day

Give yourself at least one time in the day when you are completely disconnected. This means no computer or laptop, no tablet, and no cell phone. It is up to you if you choose to include the television in unplugging, but no phones!

You need some time to relax without social media, phone updates, and text messages. This allows you to bask in the quiet and just enjoy your home and family, without all that extraneous noise.

9. Set boundaries for yourself

This might be one of the more surprising ways you can boost your mood naturally. Sometimes, you have so many expectations and so many people needing things from you, that you don’t realize your responsibilities are what is negatively affecting your mood.

It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to turn down an invitation. It isn’t okay to always be the one-person people can count on for whatever they need, whenever they need it. Set some healthy boundaries and let people know when and if you are available to them. If they love you, they will understand your need for boundaries, just as you respect their boundaries.

10. Get more sunshine and fresh air

Lastly, try to spend more time outside if you can. Fresh air and vitamin D will both greatly benefit your mood and energy levels.

Too many people don’t get enough vitamin D in their diet and aren’t outside enough during the day to soak it up naturally from the sun’s UV rays. The simplest thing is to figure out how you can spend a little more time outside.

My final thought

I love this list of ways to help boost your mood. Number 10 is my particular favorite. Let me know in the comments which of these appeals most to you.

For more information, read these posts.

Practice Self Care To Improve Your Mood

Acting The Way You Want To Feel

Thank you for reading this post. Please share it with people you love.

Your Mood Impacts Your Behavior

Some people always seem moodier than others. You could say it’s in their nature. This wouldn’t be a problem but for the fact that their mood is bad or negative. No one ever says, “hey, beware of what you say to Henry, He’s in an excellent mood today.” So, it’s obvious, while we all have good and bad moods, it’s only the bad ones that label us as being moody.

Let’s look at the psychology of moods and what can be done to improve your moods.

Do moods affect our psychology?

It's that feeling you get when you realize you just ran out of coffee. Or that discouraging feeling of stress when you discover some disappointing news. No matter the situation at hand, there is a strong, biological force manipulating our behavior.

What's this mysterious force you may ask? It's none other than our mood.

Neuroscientists and researchers have spent a great deal of time analyzing how our moods impact our behavior. While they've made accurate strides, there's still so much to be learned about why our emotions impact our mood and vice versa.

Are emotions and moods interchangeable?

While many conclude that emotions and mood are the same, interestingly, they aren't. The theory of emotions states, "emotions are patterns of firing in large groups of neurons that integrate neural representations of situations, cognitive evaluations of those situations, and physiological changes."

Put simply, your emotions are based on preconceived patterns, beliefs, and personal goals associated with thoughts and feelings. For example, if you were passed up on an opportunity at work, likely you'll be disappointed; maybe even angry. Why is that?

You're programmed to believe that if you don't receive the acknowledgment, you're automatically a failure. While extreme, this conditioning of patterns influences how you perceive your day. Because of this letdown, you may categorize your entire day as being, 'bad."

While your emotions may impact how you view your day and overall behavior, your mood controls something completely different.

Moods and feelings

One author eloquently stated, "moods are dispositions to have emotions. Salt has the disposition to dissolve in water, and glass bottles have the disposition to break when dropped."

So, how does your mood compare to your overall emotions? According to science, your overall mood "produces" the emotions you express. Let's go back to the job scenario. If you were in a relatively good mood before the news, your emotional reaction to the situation may be balanced. You are naturally disappointed, but you aren't lashing out or engaging in activities you'll regret.

By contrast, if you were in a bad mood before hearing the news, your emotions could send you into a tailspin. Thus, engaging in words or actions that you could later regret.

When considering how your mood impacts your behavior, one must recognize that mood and emotions are interchangeable in a comparative sense. For example, if you're excited about getting a new job, likely your mood is going to reflect that. If you're frustrated about your morning commute, that negative energy could affect the rest of your day.

Although your mood and emotions utilize different neurons and chemical processes, they're still quite similar when it comes to how your behavior is impacted. Regardless of your emotional state, your mood is always going to be impacted by your feelings and vice-versa.

Positive coping mechanisms

Because the two are so closely related, it's prudent to learn positive coping systems that can help you control your mood when consuming emotions occur.

While this is no easy task, many people have found that through professional help, medication, or deep breathing exercises, they have been able to control their emotions in a way that doesn't impact their mood.

Some examples of this are practicing mindfulness. This involves allowing emotions to filter throughout the body without judging or controlling them. You're able to maintain your balanced mood, even in the face of extreme stress.

Other coping strategies can be normal activities that have a calming or decompressing component to them, such as cooking, gardening, or playing with your pet.

You needn’t be a victim of negative beliefs or situations. Developing your own set of positive coping systems and receiving the help you need will help you learn how to effectively deal with your emotions and control your overall mood.

Along with the emotional benefits of a good mood, there are also health benefits. Let’s take a look at some of them.

Health benefits of feeling joyful

Joy is the feeling of enormous contentment, appreciation, and happiness. It takes on a mystical meaning when applied to your everyday life. Many people, no matter their race, class, or nationality, experience joy even in the face of numbing situations.

Many individuals experience joy when they choose to ignore the negativity in their life and concentrate on the positive. That's why the phrase "choose joy” has achieved popularity over the years.

While being joyful influences your attitude, it also plays a key role in keeping you healthy. Believe it or not, your emotions have a lot to do with your relationships, productivity, and even life expectancy. If you're looking to improve your health, start with the mind. Let's consider a few health benefits that come along with choosing to be joyful.

Increasing your happiness

Individuals who choose to be in a joyful mood experience an overall increase in their happiness. Developing this optimistic view helps them cope effectively with daily challenges.

While joy is centered around recognizing the bad, yet searching for the good, joy doesn't disregard negativity. Joyous people embrace what has happened to them headfirst.

Instead of drowning in their sorrows, they act. Their joy affords them the clarity to make mindful decisions that could improve their position.

In addition, when negative circumstances arise, they're able to handle their emotions without doing something they'll regret. This keeps them from taking damaging actions that could ruin their lives.

Decreases depression

While depression is considered a chemical imbalance, people who choose joy, suffer less depression and anxiety. How so?

As mentioned, they recognize their emotions and develop strategic ways to solve their issues. By staying "busy" in this regard, they're able to ward off depressive or anxious thoughts.

However, this isn't to say that individuals who suffer from depression and anxiety aren't joyful. Instead, it's only meant to showcase the statistical side of choosing joy.

Reduces your risk of heart failure

When you subject yourself to a lot of negativity and stress, this has an enormous impact on your heart. Over time, your heart will experience serious complications due to this constant negative stimulus.

Individuals who choose joy have decreased cardiovascular problems and an overall healthy body. By choosing to rid themselves of negativity and instead focus on the positive, they're preserving the health of their heart.

Improvements to motivation and proficiency

Happy people are more likely to get things done and have the energy to do so. Have you ever heard the saying, "this activity is exhausting"? People say this when referring to crushingly negative projects that drown their happiness.

When you feel happy, you're more productive, social, and imaginative. You're able to create fresh ideas and have the energy to execute them. Because of this, people with creative jobs are required to take time off for their self-development. This helps them cultivate additional mental clarity when handling their daily tasks.

A good mood enriches your relationships

Being in a good mood makes others want to be around you. They aren't bogged down by sad stories or negativity. Therefore, people who choose to be joyful are more likely to have a wide range of contacts to choose from.

In addition, your romantic and interpersonal relationships are healthier when you're joyful. You're able to connect with your partner in a solution-focused manner as opposed to trying to win. This is crucial for keeping your long-term relationships healthy.

Choosing to live a joyful life makes you happier, more productive, and easier to get along with. These perks alone should inspire you to home in on your happiness. By doing so, you'll feel an inner peace like no other.

My final thought

Just as it improves so many other things, gratitude can improve your mood. Gratitude for what you have allows you to brush off negative feelings that affect your mood. I think of gratitude as being the ultimate positivity.

For more information, please read the following posts.

Create A Better Mood For Yourself

Mind Body Connection How Your Emotions Affect Your Health

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I hope you will share it with someone you love.

You Want To Be Forgiving

Gram’s Wisdom 23

My Gram believed we all should be more forgiving. She was the ultimate people person. The idea of losing the friendship or company of someone she liked due to a lapse in behavior or a misunderstanding wasn’t sensible to her.

If you’ve been hurt, it might feel ludicrous to think about forgiving someone who hurt you but hear me out, there are important reasons why offering forgiveness can help you.

You may have a blind spot when it comes to forgiveness, but there are valuable reasons why you should consider forgiveness as one of the options related to your anger, sadness, or other emotions tied to your situation.

There are reasons why you may want to forgive someone who hurt you

Forgiveness can restore what’s been lost:

Gram told me the rift between people can grow larger if we don’t take pains to put a stop to it. The pain lingers, the resentment grows, and the hurt takes on a life of its own. Hashing things out and forgiving can allow for restoration and resolution. The times when the issues are too serious and too big to resolve, forgiveness can still make it possible to stop the feedback loop playing in your head. If restoration isn’t possible, letting go of what is eating you up is still an option. 

The benefits of forgiving and forgetting are emotional, physical, and practical. Walking around with chronic anger and resentment can bleed into all areas of life. By finding the courage and practical ways to forgive, you can move through your negative emotions and into a better space of acceptance, healthy boundaries, and grace.

Pent-up anger causes physical illness:

Your bitterness or pain can transform into real physical illness, depriving you further than you’ve already been. Keeping the offense unresolved can lead to high blood pressure, anxieties, and worse. You do your body a favor by forgiving helping to ensure your health remains intact.

Your emotions remain unresolved:

If you carry the emotions tied to your situation, they will remain unresolved. Feeling angry, bitter, sad, or any other negative emotion comes from the place that wants justice and vindication. Mixed in with the muck and the mire are all manner of distorted thoughts that preserve your unresolved emotions. This can make a mountain out of a molehill and steal your happiness. Letting go of the blame and need for vindication makes it possible to move through the situation and on with your life.

Forgive and forget

You may agree theoretically that forgiving and forgetting is possible, but, is it? Gram would have said, Absolutely with time, patience, and grace. Having a forgiving nature may not be a natural state of being but it can become part of your relationships tool kit.

Let’s look at how to forgive, and why people don’t forgive:

It doesn’t feel fair- It feels unfair to forgive someone who might be getting away with doing a bad thing. It doesn’t fit the idea of justice to not hold someone accountable and require amends for their offense. It feels like your pain isn’t valid or important enough and that the offender is going to go without understanding the effect their actions have on you and others.

It feels good- The only reason someone holds onto negative feelings is that they are getting something out of it. Holding a grudge and being hostile feels good. It feels good to know someone owes you for their transgression. It feels good to be the center of other people’s sympathies and caring inquiries. 

With these things in play, it’s possible to forgive and forget.

A | You see the big picture

From knowing it is in your best interest physically and emotionally, to know that it’s ultimately best for others, forgiveness can come when you see a bigger picture.

B | You see more than one angle to a situation

In rare cases, you can look past the offense and examine the circumstances in totality. Find it in your heart to forgive and, in some cases, build a relationship that transcends the situation.

C | Your understanding overrides your emotions

Don’t allow emotions to rule the day. When understanding decrees, forgiveness will happen. Understanding sees the benefits despite the apparent loss. When understanding nudges emotions to consider moving on, forgiveness is possible.

Forgiveness is always possible when the keenness of the situation diminishes, and the bigger picture comes into play. Allow yourself time, patience, and grace, and you can find forgiveness.

My final thought

We all draw a line at what seems to us to be unforgivable and rightly so. At the same time, we know when we forgive a transgression against us, it brings us peace. I believe like my Gram, that in the end, forgiveness is a choice. I choose to look for every way I can to forgive someone and to keep them part of my life.

This post is in response to my 3rd most popular post and I have linked it below.

How Forgiveness Makes Us Happier and Healthier

I hope you liked this post and will share it with your family and friends.

Don’t Allow Events To Steal Your Joy

The joy in you not the times

If you are like everyone else, you will have events in your life when things are just not going your way. The truth is life is a constant wave of emotional highs and lows.

So much of our time is spent on an even keel, mundane state of emotional blandness, interrupted by the peaks of the best of times and unfortunately, the valleys when nothing seems to go right.

Few if anyone searches for information on how to deal with the best moments of their lives. They ride the wave. Then, finding that handling the lows can be a difficult task they bemoan their fate. Today we live in very troubled times, a pandemic has taken over most of the world, and people are being affected in many profound and unexpected ways.

Everything surrounding this pandemic is based on suffering and pain, it is just the nature of the beast. Death, isolation, fear, facing the unknown and grief and loss can strip of us our joy and may lead to depression.

We cannot control what happens outside our door, what we CAN control is ourselves and how we react. There are things we can do to maintain a positive and even joyful mindset.

In the following discussion, let’s talk about three methods for doing just that.

Having the right people around you

How often have you heard it said that you are the total of the five people you surround yourselves with most frequently. If that is the case, you must make sure you have the right people around you. Especially, when going through a difficult time, it is critical to hang on to your joy. At times, when life is beating you up, retreating into the solitude of your home, wanting to throw the covers of your head, and be left alone with your thoughts, can feel like the best option.

Make no mistake; sometimes periods of solitude are healthy and necessary. Right now, isolating yourself is the norm as we fight this health crisis. However, when you discover yourself at a low point, robbed of your joy, connecting with those who make you happy is imperative.

Although it may seem obvious, avoiding people who have the opposite effect can sometimes be the real battle. Negative people are especially important to keep out of your life when you are already struggling to find joy in your current situation.

You can maintain connections during Shelter in Place orders when you are isolating at home to prevent the spread of Covid-19. Technology has seen to that.

·         Face Time on iPhones and Video calls on Android

·         Skype

·         A simple phone call

·         Email

·         Text

·         Zoom and other video conferencing software can bring together friends and family while staying safe and following health official’s orders.

·         Good old-fashioned letter writing

Remember it can’t rain forever

Nothing in life is permanent. Fortunately, nothing in life is permanent! Let’s state that again, this will pass.

Into every life, some rain must fall. Later the sun shines bright and hot. During periods of extreme highs and lows, thinking about the temporary nature of each season in life is not comfortable to dwell on.

On the contrary, keeping this truth in mind during low times can be beneficial. Whatever you are going through, no matter how bad it may be, it WILL pass.

Most of the difficult times you experience in life conclude without any extra effort on your part. It is so easy to embrace the mentality that you must put forth an immense amount of effort to make something bad go away.

Even though this is sometimes the case, most of the time, TIME is the only remedy for tough situations. If you want to increase your joy during difficult times, remember that your situation is not the way things are, only the way they are RIGHT NOW.

“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.”

— Henri Nouwen

Choose to be joyful

Since we have discussed how life is divided into highs and lows and the fact that nothing will last forever, this leads to one last thing to keep in mind during the best AND the worst periods.

If you want to have joy consistently, your joy absolutely cannot be dictated by your circumstances.

If you let every good thing that happens to you leave you soaring on cloud nine and every negative situation send you crashing to earth, you will go through life in a state of emotional exhaustion! Stable, consistent, sustainable joy can only be created and found within yourself.

Life is far less about what happens to you than it is how you react to it. You are in charge of how you feel. Don’t fall into the trap of letting joy go to your head and disappointment to your heart.

My final thought

Adverse situations are a part of every life. Do Not allow it to rob you of the joy that should be yours. Try affirming to yourself every day, “today, I choose to feel joy in my life.”

I hope you have found this post to be beneficial. Please share it with your family and friends.