Kindness Hack: How It Makes You Happy

Gram’s Wisdom 60: The kindness and happiness relationship.

Being kinder is not about making sacrifices or denying your own needs. Treating people kindly should not feel like an imposition or another task added to your already long list of items to be checked off.

It’s the outward display of living positively. Kindness is about mindset, and you can train your brain to make kindness a habit. Ever notice that being kind to someone makes you feel good too? It’s because altruism promotes a chemical reaction in your brain, releasing serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine. These chemicals not only make you feel good but also work to reinforce positive social behavior. By laying down new neural pathways, you set yourself up for living a kinder, happier life.

My Gram wouldn’t have known any of those things and I doubt she would have cared even if she had known. Gram always seemed happiest when she could be of use to people. She understood all people need kindness at some point. Gram was interested in what people were going through and how they felt. She always seemed to have the right words to say to the person who was hurt, confused, or upset. But more than anything Gram believed that as individuals we should be kind to others wherever we can. And to be unkind was the worst thing you could do.

Here are some scientifically proven tips for engineering kindness into your brain.

    1. Choose to be kind.

In choosing to be kind, you are consciously resetting your mindset to treat people with compassion and empathy. Choosing kindness isn't just a passive act; it's a change in your behavior and the world around you. Notice the effect of your kindness on others. When you smile, you see faces that mirror your positivity. Their natural reaction is to smile back. You’ve set up a kindness loop that continues to pay itself forward, creating a wave of goodwill. Ripples of compassion spread outward, touching many unknown lives. And the beauty? That ripple circles back to you.

Even on days when you feel low, a conscious act of kindness becomes a ray of light. Witnessing the joy in another's eyes ignites your own heart, sending a sense of purpose through your being. Negativity fades away, replaced by the power of connection. It's a wonderful paradox, choosing kindness for others morphs unexpectedly into your happiness. At that moment, you understand – happiness isn't found, it's created with each kind of act you perform.

• The active nature of kindness: It's not just a fleeting feeling, but a deliberate choice with impactful consequences.

• Ripple effect: Kindness's impact spreads outward and returns to the giver.

• Mood boost: Choosing kindness can brighten even the dreariest days.

• Purpose and happiness: Kindness connects us to others and brings personal fulfillment.

    2. Do more random acts of kindness.

Turns out, happiness isn’t just a lucky charm. Research studies have shown that carrying out five random acts of kindness every week is the single most effective way of increasing your happiness. Anything from buying a pay-it-forward coffee to allowing another driver into the traffic with a smile and a wave, or the selfless act of shoveling snow from your neighbor’s sidewalk. These seemingly small gestures will make you and the other guy feel good. It’s a lovely exchange – you spread kindness, and in return you get happiness.

Remember, kindness isn't just about random acts of generosity, it's a way of being in the world. By your behavior and kindnesses, you cultivate a kinder, more compassionate version of yourself, one brain scan at a time.

    3. Be kind to yourself.

Self-kindness begins with attention to the narrative running through your head. Is it one of encouragement, cheering you on with “yes you can”? Or is it a harsh critic, muttering doubt and negativity? Today, choose a different tune. Exchange the criticizing voice for one of moderation. One that says, “You’ve got this”. Pay attention to that voice in your head and change the message to kindness.

Build small acts of self-care into your day. Reward yourself for the big wins. But don’t forget the small things, a completed task, a morning walk, a moment of reflection. Prioritize the things that make you feel good. Whether it’s curling up with a good book, savoring a delicious meal, or losing yourself in a creative flow. Don’t forget that self-kindness is also about your body. Make sure you get enough sleep, stay hydrated, and eat a nutritious diet.

    4. Gratitude rewires your brain for kindness.

Most people have heard of the power of counting blessings. Research has shown that focusing on the good things in life, and practicing gratitude, makes you happier. But it doesn't stop there. Research is proving that cultivating gratitude, the act of appreciating the good things in your life isn't just a feel-good practice. When you take time to count your blessings, your brain does some cool things. Studies show that the areas associated with stress shrink, while regions linked to self-awareness, empathy, and compassion grow.

 How does this translate to kindness?

·By regularly noticing the good things, even the tiny moments, you re-mold your neural pathways. This isn't just mumbo jumbo - brain scans show dramatic transformation.

• Increased self-awareness: By appreciating what you have, you become more mindful of yourself and others. This makes you more sensitive to their needs and feelings, opening doors to acts of kindness.

• Boosted empathy: Gratitude builds connections. When you recognize your blessings, you're more likely to acknowledge and appreciate the good in others, leading to more compassionate actions.

Simple ways you can be kinder today.

Being kind isn’t difficult. Once you’ve set your mindset to ‘Kind,’ you’ll notice all kinds of opportunities throughout your day to reach out and be kind to someone.

As a bonus, once you’re in the kindness loop, you’ll notice you feel happier and more fulfilled. Scientists call this ‘the helper’s high’ as altruistic acts trigger the same endorphins as a ‘runner’s high’.

• Kindness becomes second nature: As your compassion grows, it becomes easier to be understanding, forgiving, and helpful.

• Stress-less, connect more: With less anxiety clouding your mind, you connect more deeply with others, fostering authentic kindness and empathy.

Here are some examples of ways to include kindness in your day.

    1. Stop. Let a pedestrian cross the street or allow another driver into the traffic.

    2. Say please and thank you.

    3. Say good morning and good night to your colleagues.

    4. Smile at a stranger.

    5. Hold the door for the next person.

    6. Hold the elevator.

    7. Let someone with only a few items go in front of you in the grocery store.

    8. Do a coffee run for your colleagues.

    9. Hug your loved ones.

    10. Push the trash bins out for your neighbors.

    11. Mow your elderly neighbor’s lawn.

    12. If you’re going to the store, ask your neighbor if you can pick anything up for them.

    13. Try volunteering at your local soup kitchen or shelter.

    14. Be the bigger person and let the other guy have the coveted parking space.

    15. Stand up for someone on the bus or subway.

    16. Ask a stressed-out co-worker if you can help.

    17. Help wash the cups after a meeting.

    18. If the photocopier is running empty, replace the toner and fill the paper bin.

    19. Buy surprise flowers for your partner.

    20. Give some coins to a street entertainer.

    21. Pledge to stop complaining for a week.

    22. Join your company’s mentor or buddy program.

    23. Leave a book or magazine on the subway or in a bus station.

    24. Donate your excess art supplies or craft materials to an elementary school.

    25. Encourage your kids to sort through their stuff and donate items in good condition to charity.

    26. Donate money to your favorite charity or non-government organization.

    27. Notice what your partner or colleagues are wearing and pay a few compliments.

    28. Ask a friend or colleague how they are and listen to the answers.

    29. Reach out to family members or friends, send a text message, or call them to see how they are.

    30. Clean up your neighborhood. If you see trash in the street, pick it up and put it in the bin.

Allow your compassion to spill over into your actions. By appreciating the good in your life, you become more familiar with the struggles and joys of others. When you realize the value of what you have, you naturally feel more inclined to share it with others. You're more likely to offer a helping hand, a kind word, or a smile.

My final thoughts.

I have always liked the descriptive way the ripple effect sounds as a kindness metaphor. Being kind to the person next door turns you into a neighbor. Rippling further out is your community, and further again is your town. It’s the care and consideration we show to people that make a society.

For more information, check out these posts.

Kindness Matters Guide.

It’s A Less Kind World We Live In.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

Kindness And Its Importance In Your Life

Gram’s wisdom 48: Kindness is important.

“The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention.”

Kahil Gibran

Some people are saying that kindness appears to be missing in our society. That far too many people are more connected to their devices than to what happens around them. That they are self-absorbed, inconsiderate, and uncaring.

I don’t believe that at all. Instead, I think the connected people who do care have found their methods of showing it. They are the ones who share pretty pictures, funny cartoons, uplifting messages, and stories of hope and redemption.

Sure, lots of people will scroll by those posts. But not everyone. There will be those few who stop and read, maybe even twice, because it resonates with them. Maybe it makes their heart a little lighter, or their day a bit brighter. And if that isn’t kindness, then I don’t know what is.

My Gram was a firm believer in kindness and compassion. Her view was that no matter how much or little you have, you will always meet people less fortunate than yourself, and they are deserving of your kindness, acceptance, and forbearance. She would tell me that kindness had real value. That it can be easy to throw money at people, but less so to spend your time or your energy.

She often remarked to me that unkindness was the cause of dissension between people. I guess there is a reason why parents tell children “If you can’t say something nice to someone, don’t say anything”.

According to Dr. John and Julie Gottman – founders of the Gottman Institute, which studies relationships – every successful relationship is, in the end, supported by kindness. What’s more, they claim the most important time you should be kind is during some type of conflict, such as when you are arguing with a partner.

Gram told me that a loving, long-lasting relationship with your partner means being able to examine him/her with tolerance, for things to appreciate rather than criticize.

So, why kindness?

As children and even as adults, you look for kindness from your family and friends. You give and receive kindness every day in some form.

Kindness moves people. You remember past kindnesses done to and by you. Kindness nourishes, restores, fortifies, and elevates how you feel about your life.

Studies have shown that kindness though, is not only a good moral value but it is good for you. It is beneficial to your brain, your body, and your emotions in many ways. It is a foundation for a meaningful life.

Here are 7 reasons why kindness is so important.

1. Kindness makes you happier. And everyone seems to be looking for more happiness these days.  When you perform random acts of kindness, you stimulate areas of pleasure, social connection, and hope in your brain.

2. It creates a positive loop in your mind. Kindness makes you happier and happiness makes you kinder. When you are happy, you are more likely to feel giving and kind towards others and act on it.

3. Kindness creates social connections and bonding. As humans, a social connection of some type enhances your physical performance and boosts mental clarity. Being kind allows you to feel part of a group.

4. Kindness helps with the healing process. When healthcare is delivered with kindness it can hasten the healing process, thereby shortening hospital stays. Kinder care leads to an array of outcomes including reduced pain, lowered blood pressure, and less anxiety for the patient and caregivers.

5. Kindness can decrease or help prevent diseases. Kindness lowers our stress and anxiety levels and decreases pain because of the endorphins and feel-good hormones released at the time of the act.

6. Positive emotions from kindness boost your vagus nerve which regulates blood sugar. This helps the body prevent diabetes, strokes, and heart disease.

7. Selflessness has been shown to promote the reward area of your brain. Studies suggest that you get high on being kind.

No matter how small an act of kindness might be, it is good for you. Without kindness, life would often be lonely, filled with anger and despair, disease, and stress. But when kindness is both given and received with no expectations in return, life becomes calmer and happier with more meaningful connections to others.

Being kind is a sign of weakness.

People often believe that being kind means you are a pushover and can be easily taken advantage of.

But is this true?

On the contrary, kindness does not equal weakness. It takes a great amount of courage to be kind to someone who thinks differently than you or is slowing you down in some way.

People who perform regular acts of kindness are often more successful, more resilient, have more friends, are more social, and are well-liked than those who don’t.

How kindness helps you be a better person.

• Kindness increases confidence. Studies show that kindness increases your feelings of self-worth.

• People remember you when you are kind and willing to help others. It sets you apart from others.

• Kindness creates a ripple effect. One person being kind in some way spreads to others, who in turn spread kindness. Kindness is contagious, fostering more kindness.

• Kindness evokes a sense of trust. Studies show that even before establishing your credibility, people who are kind and project warmth are more effective than those who are not.

• Kindness bridges gaps between people. It can reach across barriers in language, gender, locality, religion, and anything else that causes people to misunderstand one another.

Luis Benitez, who has climbed the Seven Summits 32 times, says that kindness and compassion are essential to overcoming terrible physical and mental challenges. He often encounters horrible challenges during his climbs.

As an example, say you see someone limping on the day you need to reach the next camp. Instead of cursing their weakness and ignoring the pain, they are in, you stop to bandage their feet so they can keep up with you.

This is more than just being kind at the moment. If a member of the party lost their ability to hike, your entire group may have to return to the start. Stopping to help a teammate ensures you achieve your own goals.

Reclaim a sense of belonging through kindness.

It’s common to want to feel a sense of belonging. When you belong, you are acknowledged as a member of the group. A sense of belonging is a normal human need as much as the need for food and shelter is. When you feel like you belong, you feel your life has worth and you handle your emotions better.

Sometimes though, you can lose that sense of belonging.

This can be for a variety of reasons. Traumatic events could influence a person’s feelings of self-worth and self-compassion. Trauma often leaves survivors feeling out of step with the rest of the world. They feel lonely, overwhelmed, anxious, confused, and emotional pain creates a sense that they are different.

Your relationship quality is affected by your mental, physical, and emotional health. As researcher and author Brené Brown explains, “A deep sense of love and belonging is a complex need of all men, women, and children. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong.”

Recover a sense of belonging.

One way to help recover a sense of belonging is through kindness. Kindness releases the feel-good hormone. It makes you feel happier and improves your mood. Here are some ways to regain your sense of belonging.

• Contribute to the lives of others by offering to listen and be a sounding board for them. This not only brings them joy but will give you both a feeling of connectedness.

• Have compassion for others who are different from you. Spend time helping others who are less fortunate, and have different likes or needs than you.

• Let go of judgments that build walls. Instead, focus on people by connecting with them. No one is perfect. Everyone has struggles.

• Be kind with your words and way of thinking. Use words that offer strength, compassion, acceptance, and caring.

• Begin building healthy relationships with others using kindness. Healthy relationships are important to a sense of well-being. Help trauma survivors realize they are safe and secure by showing them kindness.

• Turn to your partner for support during tough times.

• Give and receive compliments with kindness.

• Begin doing things that bring you joy. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Give your time at a soup kitchen.

• Join groups or clubs that are interesting to you. Participate in discussions and be kind to those who are members.

• Kindness to both yourself and others is one of the easiest ways to begin gaining your sense of belonging back.

My final thoughts.

Kindness is the secret to a successful and satisfying life. Always be kind because your actions have a greater impact than you realize not only on you but others as well.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Please share it with those you love.

For more information, read these posts.

Why Is Kindness Important?

Little Kindnesses Create Huge Impacts.

Gift Yourself A Kindness Mindset

You deserve the same kindness you show others

Your kindness is not about making sacrifices or denying your own needs. Treating others kindly shouldn’t be viewed as a burden or another check mark on your to-do list.

It’s the visible expression of living positively. Kindness is all about mindset, and you can train your brain to make kindness almost habitual. Have you noticed that being kind to someone makes you feel good as well? It’s because selflessness promotes a chemical reaction in your brain, releasing serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine. These chemicals not only make you feel good but also aid in the reinforcement of positive social behavior. By establishing new neural pathways, you set yourself up to live a more positive, kinder life.

Here are some scientifically proven tips to bring about added kindness into your brain.

A |Choosing kindness

In choosing to be kind, you are intentionally changing your mindset to treat people with compassion and empathy. Observe the effect your kindness has on others. When you smile, people’s natural reaction is to smile in return. You set up a kindness loop that keeps on paying itself forward!

Choosing to be kind, regardless of your mood, can even turn a grouchy day into a happier one. Your brain receives the message that all is well, and almost like magic, you’re feeling more cheerful.

B |Do more random acts of kindness

Studies show that performing five random acts of kindness each week is the single most effective way of increasing your happiness. Anything from buying a pay it forwards coffee, to bringing a cooked meal to a new mom, or mowing your neighbor’s lawn will make you and the other guy or gal feel good. (My husband’s favorite is to pay for the groceries of someone who appears to need a lift.)

C |Practice being grateful

Make it a daily practice to count your blessings. While I believe this is good for everything, research shows that people are happier when they notice the good things in their lives and express gratitude for it. The outcome is so evident that it changes your brain structure! Brain scans have shown the effect of mindfulness and gratitude.  The parts of the brain associated with stress shrink, while the regions associated with self-awareness and compassion grow.

Now that you have some ideas about how to increase your kindness mindset let’s put that new mindset to work on you.

Be kind to yourself 4 ways

Some days are not so good. Maybe you’re tired and grumpy from the get-go. And things seem to spiral downward from there. You spill your coffee, the washer overflowed and it’s your turn to provide lunch for your book club. You’re running late and you wish you could get a do-over.

If you’re having a terrible day, stop, take a deep breath, let it out, and take a little time out to be kind to yourself. You can’t undo the bad things that have already happened, but you can turn around your bad day right now. Here are four simple things you can do to be kind to yourself and put a stop to a bad day. 

1.  Celebrate your small wins

Sometimes it can feel like an accomplishment to get through the day at all! If you’re having a bad day, write down in your journal all your wins, big, and small.

If you took the time to eat lunch, made it to the gym or yoga class, fed your family, and walked the dog you are on a winning streak!  Make it fun and pat yourself on the back for all the check marks on your list. Make it even more fun by writing down the bad things that didn’t happen. You didn’t spill coffee on your boss; you didn’t get mired in traffic, and you didn’t forget to pick up the kids.

2.  Plan a treat

If your day is moving from bad to worse, plan to do something special, luxurious, and relaxing. A long bath with the good bath oil, and order takeout for dinner. Book a weekend away or meet up for a quiet dinner with your partner or a friend.

It isn’t so important what you do if you give yourself something to look forward to!

3.  Reset your self-talk

Take a moment to check in on how you talk to yourself. Do you berate yourself? Are the words ‘you always’ or ‘you never’ frequently voiced in your self-talk? Or maybe ‘you’re no good’, or ‘why don’t you’?

Then it’s time to reset your inner critic to become your inner champion and turn that self-talk around. Would you speak to a friend like that? No way! Then why be unkind to yourself? Everyone has bad days, you need encouragement, not beating up!

4.  Take time out

When all appears to be going wrong, you can halt that negative spiral by taking a break. Get out of the office if you can, go and do some deep breathing in the park, look at the sky and listen to the birds, or failing that, look out of the window for a few minutes.

Practice some deep breathing and maybe have herbal tea or a glass of water. Anything that can ground you and make you feel calmer and more in control.

My final thought

Like so many other things, kindness is seen as something we do for others and not ourselves. Without replenishment, it becomes a dwindling resource. But with the right kindness self-care mindset, we should be able to refill our depleted supply and be kinder to everyone we meet and most especially to ourselves.

Did you find this post beneficial?  Then kindly share it with your family and friends.