Kindness Hack: How It Makes You Happy

Gram’s Wisdom 60: The kindness and happiness relationship.

Being kinder is not about making sacrifices or denying your own needs. Treating people kindly should not feel like an imposition or another task added to your already long list of items to be checked off.

It’s the outward display of living positively. Kindness is about mindset, and you can train your brain to make kindness a habit. Ever notice that being kind to someone makes you feel good too? It’s because altruism promotes a chemical reaction in your brain, releasing serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine. These chemicals not only make you feel good but also work to reinforce positive social behavior. By laying down new neural pathways, you set yourself up for living a kinder, happier life.

My Gram wouldn’t have known any of those things and I doubt she would have cared even if she had known. Gram always seemed happiest when she could be of use to people. She understood all people need kindness at some point. Gram was interested in what people were going through and how they felt. She always seemed to have the right words to say to the person who was hurt, confused, or upset. But more than anything Gram believed that as individuals we should be kind to others wherever we can. And to be unkind was the worst thing you could do.

Here are some scientifically proven tips for engineering kindness into your brain.

    1. Choose to be kind.

In choosing to be kind, you are consciously resetting your mindset to treat people with compassion and empathy. Choosing kindness isn't just a passive act; it's a change in your behavior and the world around you. Notice the effect of your kindness on others. When you smile, you see faces that mirror your positivity. Their natural reaction is to smile back. You’ve set up a kindness loop that continues to pay itself forward, creating a wave of goodwill. Ripples of compassion spread outward, touching many unknown lives. And the beauty? That ripple circles back to you.

Even on days when you feel low, a conscious act of kindness becomes a ray of light. Witnessing the joy in another's eyes ignites your own heart, sending a sense of purpose through your being. Negativity fades away, replaced by the power of connection. It's a wonderful paradox, choosing kindness for others morphs unexpectedly into your happiness. At that moment, you understand – happiness isn't found, it's created with each kind of act you perform.

• The active nature of kindness: It's not just a fleeting feeling, but a deliberate choice with impactful consequences.

• Ripple effect: Kindness's impact spreads outward and returns to the giver.

• Mood boost: Choosing kindness can brighten even the dreariest days.

• Purpose and happiness: Kindness connects us to others and brings personal fulfillment.

    2. Do more random acts of kindness.

Turns out, happiness isn’t just a lucky charm. Research studies have shown that carrying out five random acts of kindness every week is the single most effective way of increasing your happiness. Anything from buying a pay-it-forward coffee to allowing another driver into the traffic with a smile and a wave, or the selfless act of shoveling snow from your neighbor’s sidewalk. These seemingly small gestures will make you and the other guy feel good. It’s a lovely exchange – you spread kindness, and in return you get happiness.

Remember, kindness isn't just about random acts of generosity, it's a way of being in the world. By your behavior and kindnesses, you cultivate a kinder, more compassionate version of yourself, one brain scan at a time.

    3. Be kind to yourself.

Self-kindness begins with attention to the narrative running through your head. Is it one of encouragement, cheering you on with “yes you can”? Or is it a harsh critic, muttering doubt and negativity? Today, choose a different tune. Exchange the criticizing voice for one of moderation. One that says, “You’ve got this”. Pay attention to that voice in your head and change the message to kindness.

Build small acts of self-care into your day. Reward yourself for the big wins. But don’t forget the small things, a completed task, a morning walk, a moment of reflection. Prioritize the things that make you feel good. Whether it’s curling up with a good book, savoring a delicious meal, or losing yourself in a creative flow. Don’t forget that self-kindness is also about your body. Make sure you get enough sleep, stay hydrated, and eat a nutritious diet.

    4. Gratitude rewires your brain for kindness.

Most people have heard of the power of counting blessings. Research has shown that focusing on the good things in life, and practicing gratitude, makes you happier. But it doesn't stop there. Research is proving that cultivating gratitude, the act of appreciating the good things in your life isn't just a feel-good practice. When you take time to count your blessings, your brain does some cool things. Studies show that the areas associated with stress shrink, while regions linked to self-awareness, empathy, and compassion grow.

 How does this translate to kindness?

·By regularly noticing the good things, even the tiny moments, you re-mold your neural pathways. This isn't just mumbo jumbo - brain scans show dramatic transformation.

• Increased self-awareness: By appreciating what you have, you become more mindful of yourself and others. This makes you more sensitive to their needs and feelings, opening doors to acts of kindness.

• Boosted empathy: Gratitude builds connections. When you recognize your blessings, you're more likely to acknowledge and appreciate the good in others, leading to more compassionate actions.

Simple ways you can be kinder today.

Being kind isn’t difficult. Once you’ve set your mindset to ‘Kind,’ you’ll notice all kinds of opportunities throughout your day to reach out and be kind to someone.

As a bonus, once you’re in the kindness loop, you’ll notice you feel happier and more fulfilled. Scientists call this ‘the helper’s high’ as altruistic acts trigger the same endorphins as a ‘runner’s high’.

• Kindness becomes second nature: As your compassion grows, it becomes easier to be understanding, forgiving, and helpful.

• Stress-less, connect more: With less anxiety clouding your mind, you connect more deeply with others, fostering authentic kindness and empathy.

Here are some examples of ways to include kindness in your day.

    1. Stop. Let a pedestrian cross the street or allow another driver into the traffic.

    2. Say please and thank you.

    3. Say good morning and good night to your colleagues.

    4. Smile at a stranger.

    5. Hold the door for the next person.

    6. Hold the elevator.

    7. Let someone with only a few items go in front of you in the grocery store.

    8. Do a coffee run for your colleagues.

    9. Hug your loved ones.

    10. Push the trash bins out for your neighbors.

    11. Mow your elderly neighbor’s lawn.

    12. If you’re going to the store, ask your neighbor if you can pick anything up for them.

    13. Try volunteering at your local soup kitchen or shelter.

    14. Be the bigger person and let the other guy have the coveted parking space.

    15. Stand up for someone on the bus or subway.

    16. Ask a stressed-out co-worker if you can help.

    17. Help wash the cups after a meeting.

    18. If the photocopier is running empty, replace the toner and fill the paper bin.

    19. Buy surprise flowers for your partner.

    20. Give some coins to a street entertainer.

    21. Pledge to stop complaining for a week.

    22. Join your company’s mentor or buddy program.

    23. Leave a book or magazine on the subway or in a bus station.

    24. Donate your excess art supplies or craft materials to an elementary school.

    25. Encourage your kids to sort through their stuff and donate items in good condition to charity.

    26. Donate money to your favorite charity or non-government organization.

    27. Notice what your partner or colleagues are wearing and pay a few compliments.

    28. Ask a friend or colleague how they are and listen to the answers.

    29. Reach out to family members or friends, send a text message, or call them to see how they are.

    30. Clean up your neighborhood. If you see trash in the street, pick it up and put it in the bin.

Allow your compassion to spill over into your actions. By appreciating the good in your life, you become more familiar with the struggles and joys of others. When you realize the value of what you have, you naturally feel more inclined to share it with others. You're more likely to offer a helping hand, a kind word, or a smile.

My final thoughts.

I have always liked the descriptive way the ripple effect sounds as a kindness metaphor. Being kind to the person next door turns you into a neighbor. Rippling further out is your community, and further again is your town. It’s the care and consideration we show to people that make a society.

For more information, check out these posts.

Kindness Matters Guide.

It’s A Less Kind World We Live In.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

How To Become A Likable Person

Gram’s Wisdom 53

Do you know someone whom everyone likes? I did, for many years. It was my Gram. Everybody liked her. Young people, old people, and even small children. They all went away with the feeling that they had just met their new best friend. Some people have this ability to skate through life, beloved by everyone. They find it easy to make friends and rarely ruffle anyone's feathers.

All my life I stood in awe of Gram’s ability to draw people to her magnetically. I am a dyed-in-the-wool introvert, so I always believed it was her exceptionally extroverted personality that made her so likable. She, on the other hand, had always believed that these 4 things were the biggest contributing factors to being liked.  

1. Be kind to others, even when they are not kind to you.

2. Find something to be grateful for every day.

3. Focus on the positive aspects of life.

4. Be a good listener.

Since she has been gone, I have had time to give serious thought to the skills and behaviors she and other especially likable people have in common and expanded her list. I knew she wouldn’t mind. 

If you are interested in learning more about the habits of likable people, continue reading.

They are honest and genuine.

Honesty is a key ingredient in likability. You can't be likable if you are constantly lying, it will catch up to you eventually. People are drawn to those who are truthful and trustworthy. When you are honest, you build trust with others, which makes them more likely to like you. 

There are many benefits to being honest. For one, it can help you build stronger relationships with others. When you are honest with your friends, family, and colleagues, they can trust you and rely on you. This can lead to deeper and more meaningful relationships.

Likable people are also genuinely themselves. They don't act like anyone else; they are happy with who they are. When you are authentic, you attract people who appreciate you for who you are. You also make it easier for people to connect with you on a deeper level.

Being authentic can be difficult, especially in a world where we are constantly bombarded with messages about what we should look like, act like, and think like. However, it is important to remember that there is no one right way to be. The most important thing is to be true to yourself.

If you want to be a likable person, it is important to be authentic. Be yourself, and don't be afraid to show your true colors. People will appreciate that about you.

They give freely.

You don't have to give away everything you own to be likable, but being willing to give without receiving anything in return is a key trait of a likable person. People are drawn to those who are kind and giving. When you are willing to give of yourself, you make others feel valued and appreciated. This can lead to deeper relationships and a more positive social environment.

Giving is a sign of kindness, compassion, and generosity. These are all qualities that people admire and respect. You can give your time, your money, or your skills. When you give emotional support or simply a listening ear, this can make a real difference in the lives of those around you. No matter how you choose to give, it is important to do so with a genuine heart.

They are happy to see others succeed.

When someone you care about achieves something great, it is natural to feel happy for them. Likable people take this happiness to the next level by celebrating their friends and family's accomplishments. They are genuinely happy to see others being rewarded, and they do not feel threatened or jealous. They allow them to bask in their glory.

There are many benefits to being around people who are happy to see you succeed. For one, it can boost your self-confidence. When you know that your friends and family are rooting for you, it can make you feel more capable and motivated.

Additionally, being around people who celebrate your accomplishments can help you build stronger relationships. When you feel supported and appreciated, you are more likely to feel close to the people in your life.

Finally, being around people who are happy to see you succeed can make you happier overall. When you are surrounded by positive people, it is easier to focus on the good things in life.

They ask thoughtful questions and listen attentively.

It is often said that we should listen two times as much as we speak. Likable people take this a step further. Listening is a skill often overlooked but is one of the most important skills you can have. When you are a good listener, you show you care what the other person has to say. This can make them feel valued and respected.

Additionally, being a good listener can help you learn more about the people and world around you. When you listen attentively, you can pick up on things that you might not otherwise notice. This can give you a better understanding of their thoughts, feelings, and motivations.

In addition to being good listeners, likable people also ask thoughtful questions. This shows that they are interested in what the other person has to say and that they are paying attention. It also helps you to keep the conversation going and to learn more about the other person.

• Ask open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no answer.

• Ask questions that are relevant to the conversation.

When asking questions, it is important to be sincere and to ask questions that you are genuinely interested in the answer to. Avoid asking questions that are too personal or that could make the other person feel uncomfortable. It is also important to be respectful of the other person's time and not ask too many questions.

They are positive.

It’s much more enjoyable to spend time with positive people. They might not always be over-the-top happy, but likable people tend to think and behave positively. They are cheerful and will always look for the silver lining in any situation. When you are positive, you make others feel good, and you create a more enjoyable atmosphere for all.

There are benefits to being a positive person. First, it can help you attract positive people into your life. Remember like attracts like. This can lead to more robust relationships and a more positive social environment.

Second, being positive can help you improve your health. Studies have shown that positive people tend to have lower stress levels, better immune systems, and longer lifespans.

Third, being positive can help you achieve your goals. When you are positive, you are more likely to believe in yourself and your ability to succeed. This can lead to greater motivation and accomplishment.

Last, likable people are grateful. They appreciate the advantages that come with positivity.

They are less judgmental than most.

Likable people tend to be less judgmental than the rest of us. If they do judge someone, they will do it silently. They believe that "live and let live" is the best attitude to adopt if your actions cause no harm to anyone. They are less likely to create drama or begin arguments. They are more likely to be supportive and encouraging. As a result, people are more likely to want to be around them.

Likable people also tend to be more understanding and forgiving. They are less likely to hold grudges or to dwell on the negative aspects of a situation. They are more likely to see the good in people giving them the benefit of the doubt by focusing on their strengths rather than their weaknesses.

Likable people are more accepting of differences. They understand that everyone is different and that there is no one right way to live. They are more empathetic. They can put themselves in other people's shoes and understand why they might make the choices that they make. Because they are more confident, they don’t feel the need to put others down to make themselves feel better.

They act responsibly.

No one is perfect; everyone makes mistakes at some time or another. Likable people are not afraid to admit when they are wrong. They know that everyone makes mistakes, and they are willing to own up to theirs. They also know that the best way to make up for a mistake is to learn from it and try not to make it again.

Likable people don’t try to wriggle off the hook by blaming others or making excuses. They own up to what they’ve done and simply say “I made a mistake.” They then express their regret for the mistake and let the other person know they are sincerely sorry.

Likable people will do their level best to make amends. This can take the form of an apology to someone you’ve hurt or repairing, replacing something you’ve broken. The object is accountability and learning. They try to understand what went wrong and how they can avoid a repeat of the same mistake in the future.

They are patient.

Likable people are often more patient than others. They don't mind waiting for you to figure out what you want to do. They don't become irritated or annoyed very quickly. They understand that everyone has different needs, and their pace of achievement is also different. They will let you move at your speed, just happy to be in your company.

Likable people are relaxed in manner. They don’t feel the need to rush through things. They find contentment and happiness in taking their time and mindfully enjoying each moment.

Likable people are kind, patient, and supportive because they care about others. They want to make the world a better place, and they know that one way to do that is to be kind to others. They are also patient because they understand that everyone makes mistakes. They are supportive because they want to help others make progress.

My final thoughts are.

Likability can be a skill like any other. Sure, some people come by it naturally, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t practice and adopt the habits of likability. The real secret sauce is for you to genuinely like and care about other people.

For more information, read these posts.

Gift Yourself A Kindness Mindset

13 Habits Of Exceptionally Likeable People

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

Kindness And Its Importance In Your Life

Gram’s wisdom 48: Kindness is important.

“The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention.”

Kahil Gibran

Some people are saying that kindness appears to be missing in our society. That far too many people are more connected to their devices than to what happens around them. That they are self-absorbed, inconsiderate, and uncaring.

I don’t believe that at all. Instead, I think the connected people who do care have found their methods of showing it. They are the ones who share pretty pictures, funny cartoons, uplifting messages, and stories of hope and redemption.

Sure, lots of people will scroll by those posts. But not everyone. There will be those few who stop and read, maybe even twice, because it resonates with them. Maybe it makes their heart a little lighter, or their day a bit brighter. And if that isn’t kindness, then I don’t know what is.

My Gram was a firm believer in kindness and compassion. Her view was that no matter how much or little you have, you will always meet people less fortunate than yourself, and they are deserving of your kindness, acceptance, and forbearance. She would tell me that kindness had real value. That it can be easy to throw money at people, but less so to spend your time or your energy.

She often remarked to me that unkindness was the cause of dissension between people. I guess there is a reason why parents tell children “If you can’t say something nice to someone, don’t say anything”.

According to Dr. John and Julie Gottman – founders of the Gottman Institute, which studies relationships – every successful relationship is, in the end, supported by kindness. What’s more, they claim the most important time you should be kind is during some type of conflict, such as when you are arguing with a partner.

Gram told me that a loving, long-lasting relationship with your partner means being able to examine him/her with tolerance, for things to appreciate rather than criticize.

So, why kindness?

As children and even as adults, you look for kindness from your family and friends. You give and receive kindness every day in some form.

Kindness moves people. You remember past kindnesses done to and by you. Kindness nourishes, restores, fortifies, and elevates how you feel about your life.

Studies have shown that kindness though, is not only a good moral value but it is good for you. It is beneficial to your brain, your body, and your emotions in many ways. It is a foundation for a meaningful life.

Here are 7 reasons why kindness is so important.

1. Kindness makes you happier. And everyone seems to be looking for more happiness these days.  When you perform random acts of kindness, you stimulate areas of pleasure, social connection, and hope in your brain.

2. It creates a positive loop in your mind. Kindness makes you happier and happiness makes you kinder. When you are happy, you are more likely to feel giving and kind towards others and act on it.

3. Kindness creates social connections and bonding. As humans, a social connection of some type enhances your physical performance and boosts mental clarity. Being kind allows you to feel part of a group.

4. Kindness helps with the healing process. When healthcare is delivered with kindness it can hasten the healing process, thereby shortening hospital stays. Kinder care leads to an array of outcomes including reduced pain, lowered blood pressure, and less anxiety for the patient and caregivers.

5. Kindness can decrease or help prevent diseases. Kindness lowers our stress and anxiety levels and decreases pain because of the endorphins and feel-good hormones released at the time of the act.

6. Positive emotions from kindness boost your vagus nerve which regulates blood sugar. This helps the body prevent diabetes, strokes, and heart disease.

7. Selflessness has been shown to promote the reward area of your brain. Studies suggest that you get high on being kind.

No matter how small an act of kindness might be, it is good for you. Without kindness, life would often be lonely, filled with anger and despair, disease, and stress. But when kindness is both given and received with no expectations in return, life becomes calmer and happier with more meaningful connections to others.

Being kind is a sign of weakness.

People often believe that being kind means you are a pushover and can be easily taken advantage of.

But is this true?

On the contrary, kindness does not equal weakness. It takes a great amount of courage to be kind to someone who thinks differently than you or is slowing you down in some way.

People who perform regular acts of kindness are often more successful, more resilient, have more friends, are more social, and are well-liked than those who don’t.

How kindness helps you be a better person.

• Kindness increases confidence. Studies show that kindness increases your feelings of self-worth.

• People remember you when you are kind and willing to help others. It sets you apart from others.

• Kindness creates a ripple effect. One person being kind in some way spreads to others, who in turn spread kindness. Kindness is contagious, fostering more kindness.

• Kindness evokes a sense of trust. Studies show that even before establishing your credibility, people who are kind and project warmth are more effective than those who are not.

• Kindness bridges gaps between people. It can reach across barriers in language, gender, locality, religion, and anything else that causes people to misunderstand one another.

Luis Benitez, who has climbed the Seven Summits 32 times, says that kindness and compassion are essential to overcoming terrible physical and mental challenges. He often encounters horrible challenges during his climbs.

As an example, say you see someone limping on the day you need to reach the next camp. Instead of cursing their weakness and ignoring the pain, they are in, you stop to bandage their feet so they can keep up with you.

This is more than just being kind at the moment. If a member of the party lost their ability to hike, your entire group may have to return to the start. Stopping to help a teammate ensures you achieve your own goals.

Reclaim a sense of belonging through kindness.

It’s common to want to feel a sense of belonging. When you belong, you are acknowledged as a member of the group. A sense of belonging is a normal human need as much as the need for food and shelter is. When you feel like you belong, you feel your life has worth and you handle your emotions better.

Sometimes though, you can lose that sense of belonging.

This can be for a variety of reasons. Traumatic events could influence a person’s feelings of self-worth and self-compassion. Trauma often leaves survivors feeling out of step with the rest of the world. They feel lonely, overwhelmed, anxious, confused, and emotional pain creates a sense that they are different.

Your relationship quality is affected by your mental, physical, and emotional health. As researcher and author Brené Brown explains, “A deep sense of love and belonging is a complex need of all men, women, and children. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong.”

Recover a sense of belonging.

One way to help recover a sense of belonging is through kindness. Kindness releases the feel-good hormone. It makes you feel happier and improves your mood. Here are some ways to regain your sense of belonging.

• Contribute to the lives of others by offering to listen and be a sounding board for them. This not only brings them joy but will give you both a feeling of connectedness.

• Have compassion for others who are different from you. Spend time helping others who are less fortunate, and have different likes or needs than you.

• Let go of judgments that build walls. Instead, focus on people by connecting with them. No one is perfect. Everyone has struggles.

• Be kind with your words and way of thinking. Use words that offer strength, compassion, acceptance, and caring.

• Begin building healthy relationships with others using kindness. Healthy relationships are important to a sense of well-being. Help trauma survivors realize they are safe and secure by showing them kindness.

• Turn to your partner for support during tough times.

• Give and receive compliments with kindness.

• Begin doing things that bring you joy. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Give your time at a soup kitchen.

• Join groups or clubs that are interesting to you. Participate in discussions and be kind to those who are members.

• Kindness to both yourself and others is one of the easiest ways to begin gaining your sense of belonging back.

My final thoughts.

Kindness is the secret to a successful and satisfying life. Always be kind because your actions have a greater impact than you realize not only on you but others as well.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Please share it with those you love.

For more information, read these posts.

Why Is Kindness Important?

Little Kindnesses Create Huge Impacts.

What Is The Essence Of Contentment?

Gram’s Wisdom 41

I’m sure you are more than familiar with the phrase or idea that you should be happy with what you have. All the same, when you don't have much, it’s easy to question such a notion. For a lot of people, contentment is elusive, a willow the-wisp. It's impossible to hold onto and there's always some piece of the puzzle that doesn't fit in their life.

My Gram told me in a perfect world we wouldn’t worry or fret about anything, we would be content, and then she’d go on to remind me that it is not a perfect world. I never saw Gram flustered because she felt inadequate or that she didn’t get enough done in a day. She once told me that busyness without purpose is just an unnecessary activity. She believed we should give ourselves the space to focus on what we love. As in many other things, Gram’s contentment was fueled by gratitude for her health, her strength, and her blessings.

In a perfect world, we would all be on the path toward wellness and contentment. So, this is an opportunity to set yourself on the path to contentment, and acceptance is key. The concept of contentment through acceptance comes from the idea that someone can feel satisfied with life, feel at peace with who they are, and be comfortable with where they are in life if they simply accept it.

Through self-appreciation and self-acceptance of the present moment, (mindfulness), you can achieve a level of life-contentment that has so far eluded you. You can achieve a level of tranquility and inner peace that you can move forward with.

A life minus contentment.

For many people, life is a competition. They constantly strive for more because they are comparing themselves with others. They are frantic to increase what they have and claw ahead of the pack. Whether it's their wealth, job title, home, or car.

There's always something to upgrade or add to. This sort of feeling will always impede your way of contentment, because how can you identify your good fortune if you are so focused on getting more than what you already have?

These types of people struggle to recognize true milestones and successes because it never feels like it's enough. The urge to push on overpowers any feeling of contentment. It's a burden, and it can be overwhelming.

For people who shape their lives around chasing accomplishments and goals, it can be challenging to appreciate those accomplishments. Even if they realize the vision they created of their ideal life and lifestyle, even if they check every box on their list, it might never be enough.

Learn to love yourself.

Contentment is an essential part of the human experience, even though it eludes many. It might not provide you with immediate, noticeable benefits, yet the qualities contentment brings can change your daily life and help you improve your relationships.

The first step to achieving contentment is acceptance. It's the acceptance of who you are right now. It's the acceptance of who you were in the past, even if you didn't like yourself. Contentment is the acceptance of your situation. It's acceptance of your position, your family, and every part of your life. The second step to contentment is not criticizing yourself, and the third is never trying to change others. When you finally accept these, what comes next?

Contentment can bring you peace of mind. Through acceptance of your life, you can enjoy a renewed positivity and peace of mind that will permit you to enjoy your days more. It doesn't mean you can't continue working toward improving yourself or your future.

Contentment can improve your feeling of happiness. It's so closely tied to feelings of happiness, that accepting your situation can boost your happiness levels. When you spend time feeling more grateful for what you have and what you've done, you can stop obsessing over doing more, which is going to improve your overall quality of life.

Contentment can lead to healthier relationships. As you accept your current situation and embrace contentment, you become a more positive person to be around. You also find it easier to accept others despite their shortcomings or flaws. It's easier to build healthier relationships when you accept your situation and find contentment.

Acceptance doesn't mean you let go of goals or give up on your dreams. It's normal to want to improve yourself and, you can do so while still feeling content. With a positive outlook and a degree of acceptance, you can lead a life of contentment.

Health and well-being.

Much of the unhealthiness that people experience is due to discontent. The mindless eating of junk food, while providing comfort and stress relief, can build up many health issues. Add this to a reluctance to exercise because of poor self-image, tiredness, or that same ill health, and what you have is a dangerous cocktail.

Depression is on the rise, and stress is out of control. How can anyone find contentment in this economy? It appears there's always something lurking there to bring you down.

From an endless stream of more bad news to outrage on social media and a growing ever-connectedness… it is tough out there. It all contributes to where you are now. One of the best ways to alleviate the stresses of the modern world, and stimulate contentment, is mindfulness.

Contentment is a state of being, and while it's linked to happiness, it doesn't mean you will always be happy. There are many ways you can build your contentment levels, but one of the biggest drivers of it is simplicity. Focus on the little things that give you simple joys. More to the point, focus on the present, which is exactly what mindfulness focuses on.

Mindfulness fuels peace and contentment.

First, there's that peace or inner calm. It's the state of being agitation-free. Perhaps a more accurate definition would be when the ocean of life is calm. You can better cope with what waves come when you begin from a place of peace.

When you mindfully meditate, it stimulates the area of your brain in control of emotions and thoughts It also engages the part of your brain that controls your worry levels. So, by engaging these parts of your brain and encouraging a sense of calm, mindfulness helps promote contentment.

I have always described happiness as a choice. It's something within you that you choose every day. While contentment might not be quite the same as happiness, there are a lot of choices involved that contribute to your sense of contentment.

While happiness is associated with pleasant emotions, contentment runs deeper. Often, happiness is a byproduct of contentment. Contentment is about being satisfied with your life, your situation, yourself, and the present moment. Wherever you mind yourself, you find a way to make the most of it. That is exactly what mindfulness promotes.

5 Characteristics Of Contentment PDF

Practicing mindfulness.

So, let's put you on the path to contentment by practicing mindfulness. With that in mind, I want to provide you with several choices on how to practice mindfulness.

Compassionate communication.

The most challenging time to practice mindfulness is when everything is topsy-turvy, and you are in defense mode. Often, those moments are when you are trying to communicate difficult ideas or emotions to someone. So, practice communicating with compassion.

◦          When you feel tense, and emotions are running high, pause and take a breath before you respond. Take a moment to reconnect with your compassionate self before you engage any further.

◦          Listen with an open heart and an open mind. You don't have to accept verbal abuse, but you can actively listen with compassion.

Practice gratitude.

There are a variety of ways you can practice gratitude. It isn't a complicated process, but what it does require is mindful commitment. You must commit to carving out a few minutes every day to practice. It's easy – just close your eyes and think of a few things you're truly grateful for.

Or you can keep a journal and make a list of three to five things you appreciate. It doesn't have to be complicated – it could be a thunderstorm to break the humidity, the strong coffee you had with breakfast, your body for getting you through the day, your job providing for your basic needs, your partner, children, or pet. Once you begin, you will soon see just how much you truly have.

Be an outside observer

When the ocean of life is calm, it's nice. But, what about when the waves are riding high? Practice observing them as an unemotional observer. When you deal with big emotions, you associate certain stories with them, and it becomes difficult to detach them from each other. It's the quickest way to drown in all that negativity.

You can use meditation to observe these emotions, label them, and separate them from what's going on.

Mindfulness meditation focuses on replacing negative thoughts with positive ones to break the negative mindset habit. It's something you can practice every day and in everyday situations. It increases your sense of gratitude, which further fuels your sense of contentment.

My final thoughts.

I believe that gratitude is the most important fuel we add to our lives. If you begin with gratitude, you will feel a noticeable amount of contentment. Add any of the above-mentioned changes to your day, and you will have life-changing contentment.

I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it.

For more information, read the posts below.

Gratitude, Mindfulness, And Positivity, 3 Valuable Mindsets

The Simple Practice That Can Bring You Deep Contentment

Give Yourself A Much-Needed Break

Gram’s Wisdom 24 Don’t continue to replay past mistakes

Gram told me we should never get stuck in our past mistakes. She said it was like walking through a puddle of molasses. “You know you shouldn’t because it will only hold you back.”

Of course, she was also a firm believer in getting on with the things that move you forward and letting go of negativity holding you back.

So, from her, I learned it’s perfectly okay to stop clobbering yourself over mistakes you’ve made in the past. No one deserves your kindness and understanding more than you do. This affects your well-being, as well as the people in your life.

No wallowing allowed

How often, do we allow a mistake or an incorrect decision to adversely impact our lives long after the event occurred? By doing so, we end up being unable to appreciate the present and take advantage of new prospects and experiences.

Dwelling on a mistake for lengthy periods can be harmful to you. After all, our time here is limited, and unlike your favorite movie, no passing moment can be replayed or started over. It’s difficult to enjoy the freshness offered on a new day when your mind is always troubled by regret and negative self-talk.

Did ya’ hear, you are human

In case you haven’t noticed, human beings are programmed to make mistakes. We aren’t given an instruction manual at birth (we would likely lose it anyway) with details for the best way to handle the vast number of decisions and events we experience throughout our life. Therefore, it makes no sense to go through life with the intent of being perfect.

Of course, you should try to make the appropriate decisions and handle situations to the best of your ability, but only with the knowledge that you will not always do so. Any mistake you end up making should not come as a total surprise but should instead serve to remind you that as a fallible human being, just like all other people around you, mistakes will be made.

Being human is wonderful. We are capable of so many emotions, creations, and discoveries. However, we are far from perfect and mistakes are sure to happen. Always bear that in mind.

Errors=examples of what not to do

A great way to avoid beating yourself up over a shortcoming or wrong decision is to not view the situation in a negative light. Instead, try to realize that mistakes are a necessary part of the growth process. Consider this, every single thing you have ever learned how to do with any level of expertise has been achieved through trial and error. This process in no way ends just because you have become an adult. For as long as you live, you will continue to encounter new situations.

It’s silly to think that, as an adult, you will somehow be able to respond to new situations the right way from the beginning. If you ever reach a point in your life where you fail to make a mistake here and there, it’s probably not a good thing. If nothing you do poses a challenge, this means you are at a place of stagnation.

It is important to consider every mistake as an example that allows you to adjust, modify your actions, and do better on the next go around.

Take another look

Most of us do our best to forgive other people after they have messed up. This is particularly true for the people closest to us. Sure, we may be upset and even angry for a while, but we usually don’t hold the issue over the offender’s head forever. 

Ironically, we struggle more to forgive ourselves than to do the same for others. Considering this inconsistency, try to change your vantage point the next time you are avoiding permitting yourself forgiveness. After all, nobody is closer to you than you. Knowing that forgiveness is a necessary part of maintaining external relationships, you must also realize that this requirement is just as true for nurturing your mental environment.

My final thought

Humans do many foolish things. How badly we treat ourselves may just be the worst. We berate ourselves for our mistakes, and we hate to give ourselves the break we deserve. I believe it’s time to extend a little compassion and kindness for past mistakes to that person you live with every moment, yourself.

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Gift Yourself A Kindness Mindset

You deserve the same kindness you show others

Your kindness is not about making sacrifices or denying your own needs. Treating others kindly shouldn’t be viewed as a burden or another check mark on your to-do list.

It’s the visible expression of living positively. Kindness is all about mindset, and you can train your brain to make kindness almost habitual. Have you noticed that being kind to someone makes you feel good as well? It’s because selflessness promotes a chemical reaction in your brain, releasing serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine. These chemicals not only make you feel good but also aid in the reinforcement of positive social behavior. By establishing new neural pathways, you set yourself up to live a more positive, kinder life.

Here are some scientifically proven tips to bring about added kindness into your brain.

A |Choosing kindness

In choosing to be kind, you are intentionally changing your mindset to treat people with compassion and empathy. Observe the effect your kindness has on others. When you smile, people’s natural reaction is to smile in return. You set up a kindness loop that keeps on paying itself forward!

Choosing to be kind, regardless of your mood, can even turn a grouchy day into a happier one. Your brain receives the message that all is well, and almost like magic, you’re feeling more cheerful.

B |Do more random acts of kindness

Studies show that performing five random acts of kindness each week is the single most effective way of increasing your happiness. Anything from buying a pay it forwards coffee, to bringing a cooked meal to a new mom, or mowing your neighbor’s lawn will make you and the other guy or gal feel good. (My husband’s favorite is to pay for the groceries of someone who appears to need a lift.)

C |Practice being grateful

Make it a daily practice to count your blessings. While I believe this is good for everything, research shows that people are happier when they notice the good things in their lives and express gratitude for it. The outcome is so evident that it changes your brain structure! Brain scans have shown the effect of mindfulness and gratitude.  The parts of the brain associated with stress shrink, while the regions associated with self-awareness and compassion grow.

Now that you have some ideas about how to increase your kindness mindset let’s put that new mindset to work on you.

Be kind to yourself 4 ways

Some days are not so good. Maybe you’re tired and grumpy from the get-go. And things seem to spiral downward from there. You spill your coffee, the washer overflowed and it’s your turn to provide lunch for your book club. You’re running late and you wish you could get a do-over.

If you’re having a terrible day, stop, take a deep breath, let it out, and take a little time out to be kind to yourself. You can’t undo the bad things that have already happened, but you can turn around your bad day right now. Here are four simple things you can do to be kind to yourself and put a stop to a bad day. 

1.  Celebrate your small wins

Sometimes it can feel like an accomplishment to get through the day at all! If you’re having a bad day, write down in your journal all your wins, big, and small.

If you took the time to eat lunch, made it to the gym or yoga class, fed your family, and walked the dog you are on a winning streak!  Make it fun and pat yourself on the back for all the check marks on your list. Make it even more fun by writing down the bad things that didn’t happen. You didn’t spill coffee on your boss; you didn’t get mired in traffic, and you didn’t forget to pick up the kids.

2.  Plan a treat

If your day is moving from bad to worse, plan to do something special, luxurious, and relaxing. A long bath with the good bath oil, and order takeout for dinner. Book a weekend away or meet up for a quiet dinner with your partner or a friend.

It isn’t so important what you do if you give yourself something to look forward to!

3.  Reset your self-talk

Take a moment to check in on how you talk to yourself. Do you berate yourself? Are the words ‘you always’ or ‘you never’ frequently voiced in your self-talk? Or maybe ‘you’re no good’, or ‘why don’t you’?

Then it’s time to reset your inner critic to become your inner champion and turn that self-talk around. Would you speak to a friend like that? No way! Then why be unkind to yourself? Everyone has bad days, you need encouragement, not beating up!

4.  Take time out

When all appears to be going wrong, you can halt that negative spiral by taking a break. Get out of the office if you can, go and do some deep breathing in the park, look at the sky and listen to the birds, or failing that, look out of the window for a few minutes.

Practice some deep breathing and maybe have herbal tea or a glass of water. Anything that can ground you and make you feel calmer and more in control.

My final thought

Like so many other things, kindness is seen as something we do for others and not ourselves. Without replenishment, it becomes a dwindling resource. But with the right kindness self-care mindset, we should be able to refill our depleted supply and be kinder to everyone we meet and most especially to ourselves.

Did you find this post beneficial?  Then kindly share it with your family and friends.