Gram’s wisdom 12: Offer forgiveness
My Gram saw forgiveness as an extension of kindness. Just as you would offer your hand in friendship to someone who needs it, you should offer your forgiveness to people who ask. We are all human and we are all prone to making mistakes she said.
From my Gram, I learned we frequently see ourselves as more aggrieved than necessary and nurse the wounds needlessly. Instead, she told me we are the beneficiaries when we forgive others, and let the hurts go.
The end of the year is a particularly good time to forgive old injuries. Don’t begin a New Year with thoughts of past offenses. You deserve to forgive yourself and others and begin with a clean slate.
Forgiveness in everyday life
The easiest path to forgiving big things is by routinely forgiving small things. Practicing the art of forgiveness in everyday life makes it easier to draw on those experiences when you need to forgive bigger offenses.
People who forgive easily have some things in common:
● They see life as fallible and know everyone takes missteps
● They see people as generally good rather than bad
● They understand that their perceptions play into whether they feel offended
● They don’t sweat the small stuff
● They don’t expect perfection
● They are not overly sensitive people
People who find it easy to forgive have a corner on the happiness market because they use their underlying morals and values to move through the day and offer forgiveness inwardly and outwardly and let it go.
Here are some ways to forgive and adopt an emotionally mature mindset each day:
For poor service- when you are treated poorly by waitstaff or a clerk at a store, consider what might be driving their negativity. Having compassion can make it easier to forgive poor behavior. Instead of assuming the clerk is a disconnected jerk, imagine he/she is working overtime and has been berated by many customers.
For rude gestures- If someone cuts you off in traffic, takes your parking space, or gives you a smug look - forgive them. Try to not to take things personally. The sooner you can let it go, the sooner you can replace anger with a better-suited emotion for your day. Being able to forgive rudeness frees you up for a better mood.
For mistakes- Mistakes happen it’s a fact of life. You make them too. Berating someone for a mistake rubs their nose in it and makes them defensive. To the best of your ability, forgive mistakes quickly and appreciate any gestures to make amends. Allowing grace and a chance to do the right thing should help wipe away the sting of a mistake.
Learning to let go of righteous anger or sadness that comes from being offended does yourself a world of good.
“Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”
Ask for forgiveness when the mistake is yours
It’s easy to stand behind your own anger and offense when someone has hurt you. It isn’t nearly as easy to be the one who needs forgiveness. When you’ve made a mistake, many things come into play - anger, shame, defensiveness. These things make it hard to ask for or receive forgiveness.
One of the keys to receiving forgiveness is to practice it. Forgiving people are better able to understand that mistakes and missteps happen, and sometimes we step in it metaphorically. By offering forgiveness regularly, they see that it is possible to do something regrettable and be absolved.
You can ask for and receive forgiveness. Consider these tips as you go:
Tip #1. Make a Sincere Apology- Forgiveness comes best following an apology. The sooner the better and the more specific the apology the better. If you know what you did, be sincere and specific about why that was wrong and how you plan to ensure it never happens again.
Tip #2. Hear Your Impact- Forgiveness usually comes after an apology and clearing of the air that includes the offended person feeling heard and validated for their pain. Be willing to hear the impact you made and don’t let pride or defensiveness diminish the feelings of the other person.
Tip #3. Be Willing to Not be Forgiven- Asking for forgiveness is a question, not a command. That means hearing “no” can be one of the options. It is entirely possible that the person you hurt is unwilling or unable to move on now or yet. Be patient.
Asking for forgiveness is a mature and humbling experience. If the person you offended is unable or unwilling to forgive you, you have done the most important thing you can for restoration by atoning and asking for grace. You can sleep well knowing you’ve done what you can. Modify any behavior that got you into that mess and become a bigger and better person. Offer forgiveness to those in need and realize it is all a cycle and what you put out into the world will eventually come back.
I hope you enjoyed this post and will share it with your family and friends.
For more forgiveness look here.