Surround Yourself With Harmonious People

Acceptance

Everyone wants to be accepted just the way they are. Open-mindedness is essential among all people because we’re all different. Focusing on the commonalities we have while acknowledging our differences can allow us to meet each other harmoniously.

Familial relationships

These are usually the most important relationships we have and just as often the ones most fraught with the potential for hurt feelings or other painful complications. Disharmony with the people you care for most in the world is one of the quickest ways to put you out of sorts and ruin what may have been a peaceful day.

To live in harmony with these especially important people that we see at the breakfast or dinner table each day is a matter of self-interest. No one wants to live in icy silence for any length of time. It’s up to you to be the one who adjusts when necessary. Why you may ask?

The simple answer is that they may not care as much as you do about the harmony in their lives. Remember ultimately you are doing this for your peace. This is your chance to be both the teacher and the student.

Hopefully, if they are on the same page, they too are striving for harmony and will willingly meet you halfway.

Friendships

If you have a handful of people you can call “friends” then you are blessed. Many people come into your life and leave after a while. That is normal and natural. The few who remain and withstand time and difficulties become like a second family. Any disharmony with them can become a major pain-point in both of your lives.

Again, it must be you who works to maintain the harmony in that relationship. Often this involves encouragement, forbearance, or forgiveness. Yes, we all must live our own lives, but most of us are not equipped to do it alone.

So, you need to be worthy of this friend because you know the loss of this friendship can be a massive hole in your life and disrupt the overall harmony you want to experience.

Harmony with others begins with yourself.

Negativity is the enemy here, as in most things. You won’t find harmony in your life by being inconsiderate, rude, selfish, irritable, unscrupulous, or insincere. This kind of behavior brings only strife and keeps the people you want to be close to at bay.

Instead, surround yourself with harmonious thoughts and things that bring you peace. Reduce your negative aspects. Create a harmonious ritual for yourself. Keep it simple. Share it with others.

Do good deeds selflessly.

This is perhaps the most perfect harmony circle. When you do things for others without a thought for yourself, the depth of good feeling you receive is nearly indescribable.  

My final thought

Look for the blessings in your life rather than the problems. Be grateful for them. Say them aloud and write them down. I believe we should be respectful of all beings in the world. We don’t live in a vacuum, our world is a connection of intersecting pieces in a universal whole. It all needs to be cherished if we are to truly live harmoniously.

I sincerely hope you will share this post with your family and friends.

Finding Harmony Within The Stillness

Gram’s Wisdom 25: Internal harmony

As a teenager, I fell prey to the feeling that I’d be missing out on something if I didn’t have a school and social calendar with every moment filled. Unfortunately, what I felt was frazzled and drained. Nothing was fun

My Gram took me to task when she noticed I was burning the candle at both ends. First, she told me that I was out of harmony with my personality. Second, she said that doing too much didn’t allow me time to appreciate any one thing.  

Gram and I discussed the necessity of being still and listening to that inner voice that we all have. She told me that if I quietly listened this would be the place from which I could make my decisions and find internal harmony.

I bet you probably have friends and family who are always rushing about and complaining about their lack of alone time. Perhaps they don't even say anything about it because this is the way they have always been, and it seems normal to them. Every moment, they're busy. Maybe you're one of them.

If you examine the lives of overly busy people, you'll probably find that they're not contented, happy people. There's always much to do and so little time. Their lives are often out of sync. Perhaps you're reading this because you feel in a hurry yourself. Do whatever it takes to slow down and reap the benefits of being still.

Harmony is found in the quiet of mind and body

Gram said to me “You can be quiet in body and quiet in mind. Both are important.”  Being still physically saves you much energy and effort. You feel less depleted by the end of the day. Mental quietness has a similar effect on your psychological, intellectual, and emotional energy.

All you must do to achieve stillness of body is to finish your chores and then relax. Even while you complete your tasks, you can conserve energy by using little movement. If you batch similar tasks or confine yourself to tasks in a small area you use less energy.

The stillness of the mind is trickier to achieve. However, this kind of quietness is more crucial to your overall contentment because it also brings inner harmony. 

How do you feel when you get some shocking news? How about when you finally reach your target at work, win an award, or find yourself suddenly in a crisis? You feel a rush of adrenaline and you're off, letting off steam in a gush of emotion, words, or action.

So, if this is such an instinctive response to big changes, why do you need to nurture stillness? When you're in the middle, when you're centered, you can see both ends of the spectrum.

When you refrain from extreme reactions, you can regulate your response to the situation. You can be unbiased. Most importantly, you can learn from your circumstances and use them for self-development.

From another perspective, when you've adopted internal quietness, you're less likely to face extreme highs and lows.

These tips can aid your development of a still mind:

1.  Stop. In an extreme situation, pull away from the circumstance for a moment. Take a deep breath before you react. You are the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior

2.  Listen. Listen carefully to what's being said. If your mind jumps the gun with words you feel compelled to speak, bring it back to the moment. Return your attention to what the other is saying.

3.  Think. Consider why you're facing the situation. Did you play a part in creating it? Is the other simply mirroring you? What lesson can you learn from this circumstance?

If you take these steps, you'll be able to avoid overreacting or reacting negatively in haste. This means your response, when it does come, will be the right one for the circumstances and you.

 The value of silence to harmony

Another way to develop mental stillness is to practice silence. Speak only when necessary. Speak only when you have something important to say or something that will help the other. Stillness speaks, be the presence that listens.

Before you speak, examine your motivation for saying what you want to say. Is it to further the welfare of the other? Or is it to praise yourself or prove that you're right and the other wrong? A need to always seem right is the basis of many conflicts.

Moreover, when you're normally silent, your words have more impact. People pay attention when you speak.

As you work toward greater self-awareness, try developing internal stillness and inner harmony. Just follow these guidelines as a start. As you practice, you'll receive many rewards.

My final thought

I won’t say finding inner harmony is easy. It’s probably one of the more difficult things to achieve for yourself and one of the most beneficial. Though Gram and I always had a great rapport, I fought her on this. I was a know-it-all teen, so sue me. But the habit of a lifetime kicked in and I began to explore the idea. For nearly fifty years I have been grateful I did. Inner harmony brings happiness and peace that outer circumstances can’t take from you.

Thank you for reading this post. Please share it with your family and friends.

Make Room For Harmony In Your Life

Harmony, Isn’t About Doing All The Things

What do you imagine when you hear the word HARMONY? I looked it up in my Webster’s Dictionary. One of the definitions describes it as a “pleasing or congruent arrangement of parts.”

So many people believe harmony is all peace and life falling into place just the way it’s supposed to do. Except when it doesn’t, and then you fight an overwhelming tide rather than go with the flow of the universe.

Think again about that definition. Face it. What pleases isn’t always congruent with the parts and what is congruent with the parts isn’t always pleasing.

So, what small changes can you implement that will create a more harmonious life?

 Slow down

Are you trying to do too much? Can you become a billionaire, marry the man of the year, have a happy family, be a Pulitzer Prize-winning author, and raise champion Corgis? Will doing all the things add harmony rather than chaos to your life? Probably not. But I bet you already knew that.

Sure, there’s a lot you can do, but there’s a lot you can’t do, too. Whatever you do there is a cost. This is real life we’re talking about. However, you can have a lot, and it can be harmonious.

Take a quick look at why you can’t do it all

1.  There’s a limited amount of available time.

You can’t have everything; you can’t do everything necessary to have everything. Everything you do requires time.

● Getting and maintaining the perfect abs takes time.

● Becoming a great chess player takes time.

● Building a billion-dollar company takes time.

● Creating and maintaining a successful relationship takes time.

● Being an expert figure skater takes time.

● Writing a great book takes time.

● Creating harmony takes time and is best achieved in the present moment. What do you want the most?

2.  Some things don’t play well together.

You can’t become the world’s greatest pick-up artist and be married. You can’t be the strongest woman in the world and be healthy while yo-yo dieting. You can’t live like a playboy and maximize your spiritual development.

● Certain activities just get in the way of other activities.

3. Emphasis on one thing leads to sacrificing others.

Time spent on one area of your life leaves less time for other areas of your life. There are always sacrifices to be made. Balance in life is, well, a balancing act.

Harmony, what it takes to have a lot

1. Choose your priorities.

Since there isn’t time to do everything, it becomes necessary to prioritize your time and actions. Accept that things will change when you do this. Consider the most important things you want to have.

2.Determine what you’re willing to let go of.

Prioritizing doesn’t just mean choosing what’s important. It also means deciding what you’re not going to spend time on anymore. That could be the negative inner talk that no longer serves you.

● Maybe writing that novel isn’t that important to you. Or maybe beating yourself up isn’t the best use of your time. If that’s the case, make it a point to avoid those activities.

3. Assign your time accordingly.

Once you know your priorities, use your time accordingly. If you’re ever confused about what to do, remind yourself of your priorities. Ask yourself how you can best use your time according to your priorities.

The idea that you can do everything you want isn’t true. It’s something motivational speakers and your mother told you to make you feel better. You can’t do it all. Especially if you want a harmonious life that brings you happiness rather than a life trying to do all the things that leave you feeling overwhelmed.

But you can still manage to do and have a lot. Having a lot means prioritizing how you spend your time. Wasting time is the ultimate way to limit yourself. Spreading yourself thin between too many things is also detrimental.

Always remember–you can have a lot! What do you want? Keep these ideas in mind and make it happen!

My final thought

I have lived a harmonious life filled with peace, love, laughter, joy, and happiness for forty years. Not every day but more days than not. I believe the secret is to choose what is most important to you and add any congruent parts that show up, as you go along.

If you liked this post, please share it with your family and friends.

How Do You Adapt To Difficulties?

Adapt yourself

I know a bit about adapting to a situation you weren’t expecting. My husband left our daughter and me in a restaurant 10 days before Christmas. The note he left us at home said he just couldn’t take the responsibility any longer.

I thought, how could he? Her birthday is in 11 days. But I had a steady job and my daughter liked her school. Soon we found a smaller more affordable house within walking distance to school. With that decision made, our first adaptation was put in motion.

We had no family where we lived, but they were only a phone call away. Our friends were the backbone of our support system and the encouragement we received from them was priceless. A good support system of people you love, who love you back, can be essential when you’re adapting to a new way of living.

Adapt or adjust, flexibility is key.

Adapt, if you are facing a situation that will be long-term. Whether it’s beyond your control or arises unexpectedly is less important than duration. For example, you need to adapt if your new job is a 2-hour commute both ways. Adjust, if the situations will be short-term. For instance, shop at a different grocery store for a week while the city repairs the water pipe. One of these two options provides the solution to most problems, so, of course, you want to be flexible in your choice.

Problems, change, stress-they're part of everyone's life, no one is exempt. Adaptability means accepting these things as normal. People who are successful in life, are flexible and develop a mental toughness that allows them to see setbacks and failures as ways to grow and improve. They expect hurdles so, even before the challenges occur, they intend to face them and find solutions.

Are you adaptable or stuck?

Adaptability is a choice. It's you, making up your mind to be flexible, responsive, analytical, and solution-oriented. Choosing to adapt, instead of fighting the issue means that you give yourself the freedom to take action to find a solution. Choosing to be adaptive means you’re the victor and not the victim.

Here are some techniques to help you increase your adaptive skills:

1 | Do you have a sense of humor?

It can be a great ally for you. (Mine certainly was.) One thing humor helps you do is to get some perspective on yourself and your situation. Humor can help you see the fun in the situation when you make a mistake. It can make it easier for you to learn from your mistake.

2 | Do you control your negative emotions?

Negative emotions can get you into a lot of trouble. When you're in a stressful situation, distance yourself until you have your emotions under control. When you're calmer, deal with the situation.

3 | Do you see change as part of life?

Evaluate the way you react to unexpected events. Are you open to trying new ideas or methods? Change can be uncomfortable, but it needn’t be your enemy. Make a conscious effort to make changes in stride. This is a valuable skill to learn, and it will help you in many ways.

4 | Are you good at saying “No”?

If you're stressed because you've over-committed yourself, it's tougher to adapt to situations as they arise. Make your schedule work for you, not against you. Learn to say “No,” calmly and firmly, when necessary.

5 | Simplify your life.

Get rid of clutter and attachments that wear you out and get in the way. Decide what's essential to you and what you want to do with your time and concentrate on that.

6 | Be present in your life.

Focus on what you can control. Let go of the past and the future. They will drain you of the enjoyment to be found in the now.

My final thought

Change happens. It’s rarely fun. Normally it leaves us feeling powerless. If we allow it to. But how often, after a change has occurred, and we have accommodated it, do we wonder why we made such a fuss? I believe that the times I have taken the initiative in a new situation, I adapted to it more easily. How easily do you adapt?

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you will share it with your family and friends.

Give Yourself A Much-Needed Break

Gram’s Wisdom 24 Don’t continue to replay past mistakes

Gram told me we should never get stuck in our past mistakes. She said it was like walking through a puddle of molasses. “You know you shouldn’t because it will only hold you back.”

Of course, she was also a firm believer in getting on with the things that move you forward and letting go of negativity holding you back.

So, from her, I learned it’s perfectly okay to stop clobbering yourself over mistakes you’ve made in the past. No one deserves your kindness and understanding more than you do. This affects your well-being, as well as the people in your life.

No wallowing allowed

How often, do we allow a mistake or an incorrect decision to adversely impact our lives long after the event occurred? By doing so, we end up being unable to appreciate the present and take advantage of new prospects and experiences.

Dwelling on a mistake for lengthy periods can be harmful to you. After all, our time here is limited, and unlike your favorite movie, no passing moment can be replayed or started over. It’s difficult to enjoy the freshness offered on a new day when your mind is always troubled by regret and negative self-talk.

Did ya’ hear, you are human

In case you haven’t noticed, human beings are programmed to make mistakes. We aren’t given an instruction manual at birth (we would likely lose it anyway) with details for the best way to handle the vast number of decisions and events we experience throughout our life. Therefore, it makes no sense to go through life with the intent of being perfect.

Of course, you should try to make the appropriate decisions and handle situations to the best of your ability, but only with the knowledge that you will not always do so. Any mistake you end up making should not come as a total surprise but should instead serve to remind you that as a fallible human being, just like all other people around you, mistakes will be made.

Being human is wonderful. We are capable of so many emotions, creations, and discoveries. However, we are far from perfect and mistakes are sure to happen. Always bear that in mind.

Errors=examples of what not to do

A great way to avoid beating yourself up over a shortcoming or wrong decision is to not view the situation in a negative light. Instead, try to realize that mistakes are a necessary part of the growth process. Consider this, every single thing you have ever learned how to do with any level of expertise has been achieved through trial and error. This process in no way ends just because you have become an adult. For as long as you live, you will continue to encounter new situations.

It’s silly to think that, as an adult, you will somehow be able to respond to new situations the right way from the beginning. If you ever reach a point in your life where you fail to make a mistake here and there, it’s probably not a good thing. If nothing you do poses a challenge, this means you are at a place of stagnation.

It is important to consider every mistake as an example that allows you to adjust, modify your actions, and do better on the next go around.

Take another look

Most of us do our best to forgive other people after they have messed up. This is particularly true for the people closest to us. Sure, we may be upset and even angry for a while, but we usually don’t hold the issue over the offender’s head forever. 

Ironically, we struggle more to forgive ourselves than to do the same for others. Considering this inconsistency, try to change your vantage point the next time you are avoiding permitting yourself forgiveness. After all, nobody is closer to you than you. Knowing that forgiveness is a necessary part of maintaining external relationships, you must also realize that this requirement is just as true for nurturing your mental environment.

My final thought

Humans do many foolish things. How badly we treat ourselves may just be the worst. We berate ourselves for our mistakes, and we hate to give ourselves the break we deserve. I believe it’s time to extend a little compassion and kindness for past mistakes to that person you live with every moment, yourself.

If you found this post beneficial share it with your family and friends.

Improve Your Mental Health Using These Tips

Traditional mindset v. new beliefs

This is a polarizing topic because of a clash between traditional mindsets and new beliefs.

In one group, we have strong-willed people who believe that life is tough, and everyone should just stop whining about it. They feel that being stoic makes you stronger and more able to endure and succeed, despite the variety of stresses in the world.

In the other camp, some people believe that our hectic and stressful lives will create broken individuals if we don’t take time to care for ourselves.

So, who is right?

Both sides of this argument are right–because people are unique!

There are some men and women who enjoy the tough love and hardcore approach to living life. They are the ones who soldier on, not wishing to appear weak and give little thought to self-care.

Then there are others more sensitive to the continual assault on their senses because the media, work, and family commitments, etc. may cause them to be mentally exhausted.

At times like these, self-care to safeguard one’s mental health is essential to their well-being. Below you’ll find a list of suggestions to follow.

Not all tips will work for everyone, but I promise, you’ll positively find one that works for you. Give them a try to go with what works best for you.

1.  Give aromatherapy a try

Diffusing essential oils such as lavender, frankincense, lemongrass, or my personal favorite, sage, will help to create a soothing scent that will help to calm your mind.

Aromatherapy has been shown to have numerous benefits to one’s health. Since it’s a holistic method, not much has been done to study it in detail but give it a try and see how it makes you feel.

Ultimately, that’s what matters–and if aromatherapy makes you feel happier and calmer, go ahead and use it.

2.  Have a cup of coffee

It has been shown that coffee lifts one’s moods. Its antioxidant properties will help to heal your body from within and the caffeine will ease depression if present.

3.  Unclutter your environment

Time to unleash your inner Marie Kondo. Decluttering has a cleansing feel to it. Some people manage better when they have fewer possessions and more sparse surroundings.

If you feel like there’s too much going on in your life and you feel smothered, you may wish to declutter and live a more minimalistic lifestyle. You might find that less is more, and your moods and quality of life improves enormously.

4.  Mindfulness practice

Mindfulness is about being present in the now instead of constantly worrying about the future or the past. When you’re involved in a task at work or even having a meal, you’re fully present at the moment.

There’s no multi-tasking or looking at your social media apps constantly. Mindfulness helps improve focus and acts as a dopamine detox that your body might be craving.

5.  Disengage from social media

While social media can be fun, it also has a dark side. It creates a craving for dopamine in your brain. The endless notifications and feedback can be addictive and is not healthy in the long run.

Not to mention the constant onslaught of news, negative comments, and venom from other users that only rile you up. Disengaging from social media will do miracles for your mental health.

6.  Begin a yoga practice

This may sound cliché, but it truly works. Yoga’s focus on the mind, body, and soul connection will have you breathing deeply and stretching your body.

This movement is good for you and will increase your flexibility by loosening tight muscles.

7.  Take an Epsom salt bath

This is as uncomplicated as it sounds. Add 2 cups (0.47 liters) to warm running water. Sit and relax in the tub and feel any aches and pains dissolve away.

8.  Begin a journal

Journaling is a form of stress relief. By expressing your thoughts and emotions on paper, it gives your mind freedom. Living in your head can be tiring if you’re replaying the same unresolved events over and over.

By journaling, you’ll experience purging and also clarity. You can use this technique to create lists of things to do, goals to achieve, and so on. Once it’s in your book and out of your head, you can either make a plan for it or let it go.

9.  Take a break from the routine

This is especially true for women who are juggling careers and family commitments. There is always someone demanding something from you and the perpetual act of keeping things in order can cause a nervous breakdown.

It’s good to take a break and have 30 minutes to an hour for yourself. If your spouse can look after the children, you may even want to take the entire day off and spend time on your own.

10.  Spend time on grooming

A common symptom of someone who is mentally drained and stressed out is a lack of attention to their appearance. If you look at yourself in the mirror and you look disheveled and worn out, you’ll feel even worse.

Spend an hour or two grooming yourself. Once your appearance is neat and attractive, you’ll feel a renewed sense of energy and purpose.

11.  Look forward

Too often, people look back on their past and revive old, negative emotions. Regrets, harsh words exchanged, hurt feelings, etc. that happened before should be left in the past.

It’s time to let it go. Try writing down what you’re feeling on a piece of paper… and when you’re done, burn that paper and as it turns to ashes, that will signify you letting the past remain in the past.

It’s pointless to carry the heavy burdens of yesterday into tomorrow. Keep your eyes on the present and look forward to a brighter future.

My final thought

I believe by applying these self-care tips in your life you’ll begin to notice that you feel better in a few days. Wonders will not happen overnight, but you will feel a sense of mental relief and soon you’ll develop a more optimistic outlook on life.

I hope you like this easy-to-do list of self-care tips and will share it with your family and friends.

Can I Make My Relationship Work?

YOU CAN’T. Not on your own. Sure, you can improve some things that are more YOU centric on your own. You can even alter your attitude and manner and learn to just accept what makes you feel less than happy. Many people do. But this is most unsatisfactory and difficult to manage for the rest of your life and I wouldn’t recommend it.

Only as a couple can make your relationship work. It must be important, and you must genuinely want it to work. Did I mention it’s hard work? Nonetheless, the rewards of a good relationship are enormous and well worth the effort you will make.

7 Keys To help your relationship work:

Have you committed?

This could be the most important thing you do. Your commitment must be to each other. To your future together. To solving any difficulties together. You should be devoted to what best serves you as a couple. At times, a decision may of necessity rest more heavily on one of you or the other. Remember to be sensitive and never overbearing when making that decision.

How do you communicate?

The way you speak to your husband tells him as much as the words you use, as does your body language. Some conversations will take you out of your comfort zone. So, speak gently to one another. You should be honest but never hurtful. Apologize frequently, especially if you are right. Don’t make statements that give the impression that you harbor a back door out of your relationship. These and other nasty statements can never be taken back and are best never said. Communication is a connection, so let it always be positive.

What are your boundaries?

Every couple needs boundaries. You are, after all, individuals, and you likely had a life before you met. Your boundaries should be defined upfront to save trouble and misunderstanding next week or next year. This doesn’t mean you have the right to know everywhere your spouse goes or all that he does. It does require that you don’t do hurtful things to each other.

Give and expect respect.

Show your spouse you respect him. Actively listen when he is speaking and sharing his opinions. You’re not obligated to see things his way, but you should be interested in his view and be aware of the value that sharing has. Your husband should similarly show his respect and regard for you. To be respectful is to be aware of your partner’s feelings.

Supporting your partner is a must.

Yes, I said must. If you want a flourishing relationship you must be your spouse’s biggest supporter. You should always encourage him and stand up for him. Your supportive husband will want what is best for you and he will never hold you back from reaching your goals and desires. You need to be a pillar your partner can lean on.

Nothing without trust.

Can you be trusted? Can he? Nothing hurts two people more than betrayal. All healthy relationships need mutual trust, and couples don’t automatically trust right away. Trust takes time and attention to develop. But with love, communication, confidence, and support your trust in one another can grow and deepen.

Flexibility for the long haul.

Things change. Life changes. As individuals, we grow at different rates and at different times. Events in life can cause one or the other partner to leap ahead while the other hunkers down for safety. This is normal but it shouldn’t become permanent. Over the passing years, you live together, flexibility is your friend. If you develop an unbending mindset you run the risk of unhappiness settling into your relationship. The continuing flexibility and growth of your relationship allow you both to find new things to be excited about singly and together.

My final thought

I believe that if you begin your relationship using the 7 keys above you have a good chance of making things work. Toss in some humor and forgiveness and at the very least you should have a happy home life while you work at it. Nothing smooths the way better than to be able to laugh at yourselves and forgive one another.

If you liked this post, please share it with your family and friends.

This is the 4th and the last post in a series of responses to past most liked posts. I have placed the link below to the earlier post.

Simple Love and Care Advice for Couples

You Want To Be Forgiving

Gram’s Wisdom 23

My Gram believed we all should be more forgiving. She was the ultimate people person. The idea of losing the friendship or company of someone she liked due to a lapse in behavior or a misunderstanding wasn’t sensible to her.

If you’ve been hurt, it might feel ludicrous to think about forgiving someone who hurt you but hear me out, there are important reasons why offering forgiveness can help you.

You may have a blind spot when it comes to forgiveness, but there are valuable reasons why you should consider forgiveness as one of the options related to your anger, sadness, or other emotions tied to your situation.

There are reasons why you may want to forgive someone who hurt you

Forgiveness can restore what’s been lost:

Gram told me the rift between people can grow larger if we don’t take pains to put a stop to it. The pain lingers, the resentment grows, and the hurt takes on a life of its own. Hashing things out and forgiving can allow for restoration and resolution. The times when the issues are too serious and too big to resolve, forgiveness can still make it possible to stop the feedback loop playing in your head. If restoration isn’t possible, letting go of what is eating you up is still an option. 

The benefits of forgiving and forgetting are emotional, physical, and practical. Walking around with chronic anger and resentment can bleed into all areas of life. By finding the courage and practical ways to forgive, you can move through your negative emotions and into a better space of acceptance, healthy boundaries, and grace.

Pent-up anger causes physical illness:

Your bitterness or pain can transform into real physical illness, depriving you further than you’ve already been. Keeping the offense unresolved can lead to high blood pressure, anxieties, and worse. You do your body a favor by forgiving helping to ensure your health remains intact.

Your emotions remain unresolved:

If you carry the emotions tied to your situation, they will remain unresolved. Feeling angry, bitter, sad, or any other negative emotion comes from the place that wants justice and vindication. Mixed in with the muck and the mire are all manner of distorted thoughts that preserve your unresolved emotions. This can make a mountain out of a molehill and steal your happiness. Letting go of the blame and need for vindication makes it possible to move through the situation and on with your life.

Forgive and forget

You may agree theoretically that forgiving and forgetting is possible, but, is it? Gram would have said, Absolutely with time, patience, and grace. Having a forgiving nature may not be a natural state of being but it can become part of your relationships tool kit.

Let’s look at how to forgive, and why people don’t forgive:

It doesn’t feel fair- It feels unfair to forgive someone who might be getting away with doing a bad thing. It doesn’t fit the idea of justice to not hold someone accountable and require amends for their offense. It feels like your pain isn’t valid or important enough and that the offender is going to go without understanding the effect their actions have on you and others.

It feels good- The only reason someone holds onto negative feelings is that they are getting something out of it. Holding a grudge and being hostile feels good. It feels good to know someone owes you for their transgression. It feels good to be the center of other people’s sympathies and caring inquiries. 

With these things in play, it’s possible to forgive and forget.

A | You see the big picture

From knowing it is in your best interest physically and emotionally, to know that it’s ultimately best for others, forgiveness can come when you see a bigger picture.

B | You see more than one angle to a situation

In rare cases, you can look past the offense and examine the circumstances in totality. Find it in your heart to forgive and, in some cases, build a relationship that transcends the situation.

C | Your understanding overrides your emotions

Don’t allow emotions to rule the day. When understanding decrees, forgiveness will happen. Understanding sees the benefits despite the apparent loss. When understanding nudges emotions to consider moving on, forgiveness is possible.

Forgiveness is always possible when the keenness of the situation diminishes, and the bigger picture comes into play. Allow yourself time, patience, and grace, and you can find forgiveness.

My final thought

We all draw a line at what seems to us to be unforgivable and rightly so. At the same time, we know when we forgive a transgression against us, it brings us peace. I believe like my Gram, that in the end, forgiveness is a choice. I choose to look for every way I can to forgive someone and to keep them part of my life.

This post is in response to my 3rd most popular post and I have linked it below.

How Forgiveness Makes Us Happier and Healthier

I hope you liked this post and will share it with your family and friends.