Finding Harmony Within The Stillness

Gram’s Wisdom 25: Internal harmony

As a teenager, I fell prey to the feeling that I’d be missing out on something if I didn’t have a school and social calendar with every moment filled. Unfortunately, what I felt was frazzled and drained. Nothing was fun

My Gram took me to task when she noticed I was burning the candle at both ends. First, she told me that I was out of harmony with my personality. Second, she said that doing too much didn’t allow me time to appreciate any one thing.  

Gram and I discussed the necessity of being still and listening to that inner voice that we all have. She told me that if I quietly listened this would be the place from which I could make my decisions and find internal harmony.

I bet you probably have friends and family who are always rushing about and complaining about their lack of alone time. Perhaps they don't even say anything about it because this is the way they have always been, and it seems normal to them. Every moment, they're busy. Maybe you're one of them.

If you examine the lives of overly busy people, you'll probably find that they're not contented, happy people. There's always much to do and so little time. Their lives are often out of sync. Perhaps you're reading this because you feel in a hurry yourself. Do whatever it takes to slow down and reap the benefits of being still.

Harmony is found in the quiet of mind and body

Gram said to me “You can be quiet in body and quiet in mind. Both are important.”  Being still physically saves you much energy and effort. You feel less depleted by the end of the day. Mental quietness has a similar effect on your psychological, intellectual, and emotional energy.

All you must do to achieve stillness of body is to finish your chores and then relax. Even while you complete your tasks, you can conserve energy by using little movement. If you batch similar tasks or confine yourself to tasks in a small area you use less energy.

The stillness of the mind is trickier to achieve. However, this kind of quietness is more crucial to your overall contentment because it also brings inner harmony. 

How do you feel when you get some shocking news? How about when you finally reach your target at work, win an award, or find yourself suddenly in a crisis? You feel a rush of adrenaline and you're off, letting off steam in a gush of emotion, words, or action.

So, if this is such an instinctive response to big changes, why do you need to nurture stillness? When you're in the middle, when you're centered, you can see both ends of the spectrum.

When you refrain from extreme reactions, you can regulate your response to the situation. You can be unbiased. Most importantly, you can learn from your circumstances and use them for self-development.

From another perspective, when you've adopted internal quietness, you're less likely to face extreme highs and lows.

These tips can aid your development of a still mind:

1.  Stop. In an extreme situation, pull away from the circumstance for a moment. Take a deep breath before you react. You are the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior

2.  Listen. Listen carefully to what's being said. If your mind jumps the gun with words you feel compelled to speak, bring it back to the moment. Return your attention to what the other is saying.

3.  Think. Consider why you're facing the situation. Did you play a part in creating it? Is the other simply mirroring you? What lesson can you learn from this circumstance?

If you take these steps, you'll be able to avoid overreacting or reacting negatively in haste. This means your response, when it does come, will be the right one for the circumstances and you.

 The value of silence to harmony

Another way to develop mental stillness is to practice silence. Speak only when necessary. Speak only when you have something important to say or something that will help the other. Stillness speaks, be the presence that listens.

Before you speak, examine your motivation for saying what you want to say. Is it to further the welfare of the other? Or is it to praise yourself or prove that you're right and the other wrong? A need to always seem right is the basis of many conflicts.

Moreover, when you're normally silent, your words have more impact. People pay attention when you speak.

As you work toward greater self-awareness, try developing internal stillness and inner harmony. Just follow these guidelines as a start. As you practice, you'll receive many rewards.

My final thought

I won’t say finding inner harmony is easy. It’s probably one of the more difficult things to achieve for yourself and one of the most beneficial. Though Gram and I always had a great rapport, I fought her on this. I was a know-it-all teen, so sue me. But the habit of a lifetime kicked in and I began to explore the idea. For nearly fifty years I have been grateful I did. Inner harmony brings happiness and peace that outer circumstances can’t take from you.

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How To Create A Gratitude Journal That Truly Works

If you want anything to work long term, you must make it part of your daily pattern, and journaling is no different. I suggest keeping it simple with these three tips.

1 | Choose a time of day when you aren’t feeling rushed to write.

2 | Pen and notebook.

3 | Music, a nice view, anything that elicits your feelings.

You might believe that starting and making regular entries into a gratitude journal just takes up time when you have so many other things to do in your day. But like any new habit, once you become accustomed to making entries in your gratitude journal it becomes easier as time goes by.

When you take on anything new in your already hectic life you need to know if it will be worthwhile to you in the long run. But before I explain some of the more important benefits of keeping a gratitude journal let’s back up and explore the details in the above three tips about its creation.

Is it easy to begin a gratitude journal?

When is the best time of day to write?

The best time is when you have time. It can be the time when your day has the least distractions or is at its quietest. This is your choice. The goal here is to write when you aren’t in a hurry. You will want to go from “I am grateful for today” to “thank you for the home that shelters my family, filled with fun and laughter.” You want to strive for specifics and details over time.

Must I use a pen and paper?

Use what suits your style. There is no right or wrong way to keep your journal. Pretty colored pens and notebooks or a speech to text app on your phone work equally well. The key point is having a record of your gratitude you can return to on a regular basis. The ability to refer back will help you gauge whether your expressions of gratitude are in actuality giving you more to be grateful for.

Feeling your gratitude

This is the place you choose to sit and write. It is also the space in your heart that you write from. I have a place by a favorite window with a lovely view where I sit every morning to write. The moment I sit down I feel peaceful and grateful, and the words just flow. Your space can be improved by listening to music, lighting candles, or anything that lifts your spirit.

As promised here are some benefits of having a gratitude journal:

Do you exhibit an attitude of gratitude?

Appreciation for what you have

Happiness is a state of mind and the way that you think about your life determines whether you’ll be happy most of the time or not. If your neighbor has just taken delivery of a new car and you don’t have the money to buy a new car does this make you poor?

In some people’s minds, it does. But this is ridiculous. You aren’t poor you just think that this is the case. The answer to this kind of thinking is to be grateful for what you have in your life right now.

Think about the people and things that you have. You have an older car, but it reliably gets you to work every day and provides safe transportation for all the family. Be grateful that you have this. You have a wonderful partner and a healthy family that you wouldn’t change for anything in the world so be grateful for this as well.

Always remember that there are many things that you can be grateful for. It doesn’t matter how large or small these things are. If you adopt an attitude of gratitude, like this, you will be much happier in your life.

Be more positive

There is something powerful about writing things down–nobody fully understands this, but it seems that you are making a larger commitment when you put pen to paper. After a while of writing down the things that you are grateful for in your life and the reasons why it will provide you with a much more positive outlook on life.

When you are focused on the good things about your life, then you are not experiencing negative thoughts that have the opposite effect. The fact that you write down what you appreciate solidifies how you feel about your life. Positivity will bring you the things that you want in your life while negativity can take them away from you.

Boost your confidence

People who have low self-confidence tend to focus on the negative and this leads to having a low opinion of yourself. When you express your gratitude for the people and things in your life this has the opposite effect giving you a confidence boost making you feel good about yourself.

By expressing gratitude regularly, you are less likely to compare yourself unfavorably to others. Writing down what you are grateful for will also reduce any feelings of jealousy or resentment that you may harbor.

Reduce your stress

Having a gratitude journal will help you to relieve stress. While you cannot avoid stress altogether, an attitude of gratitude will help you to deal with it more effectively and your gratitude journal will support this.

My final thought

For many, many years I verbalized my gratitude. It’s what my Gram taught me. But about three years ago I began keeping a gratitude journal. After a couple of months, I noticed I felt a deeper sense of peace in my life. Another thing was that on difficult days I write lengthier descriptions of what I’m grateful for. I believe they go hand in hand.

I would love to hear what kind of gratitude practice you have.

How To End Procrastination

Procrastination perceptions

Procrastination. I am guilty. We are all guilty of doing it, more often than we would like to admit. Procrastination may not be just about turning in your school report/work project at the last minute. You may also be putting off important life decisions like whether or not you should ask your boss for that raise he promised last month, or whether you should join a gym, leave your boyfriend, have a baby - it’s endless.

And if you can’t learn how to stop putting things off, it becomes a bad habit you will have to deal with your whole life. This can hurt your relationships, career, and personal health. Others perceive you as being lazy, unable to meet your time commitments, or incapable of making up your mind.

The thought process behind procrastination is that you believe there is always tomorrow, so why not steer clear of the stress and anxiety and just put it off until later. But guess what? This is the first thing you need to tackle. The stress is not going anywhere and will always be there whenever you get around to doing what you delayed. It will not be easy but try to figure out what the stress factor is behind your procrastination. It could be fear of failure, fear of confrontation, fear of not being perfect.

Don’t be too critical of yourself

Waiting to start a project pushes you to bite off more than you can chew. Partnering that with a leap into the deep end usually results in a finish nowhere near what you had envisioned.

So, you judge your flaws and faults way too harshly. Yet, studies show that when you forgive yourself for putting things off or not getting things done as perfectly as you would have liked, it can help fend off procrastination. Additionally, setting realistic goals and not spreading yourself too thin can also help with a procrastination problem.

“You can’t get much done in life if you only work on the days when you feel good.”

— Jerry West

Following these tips may help you combat procrastination

1. Make tasks into good habits

We all have enough willpower to get about 3 or 4 tasks done each day. Habits use other parts of our brain rather than the prefrontal cortex which is associated with rational thinking. So, when you train yourself to do something out of habit, rather than look at it as a mundane task, you think about it less which means you’re using less willpower and you won’t fall into the procrastination rut.

Things like brushing your teeth or making your bed have all become daily habits that you automatically perform without even considering putting them off. Why not turn healthy eating, daily exercise, or turning in reports ahead of time into daily habits as well?

After, that it becomes easier, but you still must keep yourself motivated and inspired. Procrastination is all about avoiding that dreaded first step. So, why not ease into it with the knowledge that after a certain amount of time, or once I’ve finished X, I can watch videos on YouTube or go get a cup of coffee. Make it pleasant for yourself because the reward is the part that the brain assimilates to gauge your enjoyment level. If it makes you happy, then your brain slowly turns this task into a habit that you look forward to, instead of something you dread each time.

2. Divide work tasks into pieces

Instead of cleaning out the entire garage, do the right side first, take a break, then do the left side, take a break, then finish off the rest. At work, big tasks may seem daunting when you look at them. The answer? Break it down into smaller tasks. Outline the entire project, and then divide it up into smaller tasks.

Working in 30-minute increments also helps break down tasks into smaller chunks that are manageable and not so intimidating. After 30 minutes, take a break and assess your work. Seeing how much you’ve accomplished will give you that boost of confidence you need to keep at it.

3. Eliminate distractions

Checking your email every 5 minutes doesn’t do you any good. So, once you’ve committed to doing the job, limit distractions by putting your phone away. You can find apps that help you stay on track, but some will say that’s completely missing the point.

The important thing is that you set up a certain time for checking emails or your social media, and once you’ve started your task, you should try to avoid the urge to sneak a peek.

Another serious distraction is multi-tasking. Even though it may seem that you’re being productive, the truth is it wastes time and energy. Think about it, it takes your brain about 20 minutes to completely focus on one task and give it 100%, and then you bring in another task which means you decrease your focus level by half, bring in a third task and the focus drops even lower. So even though you’re working more, your results will be below average for those 3 tasks.

4. Work during your optimal hours

We all have certain times during the day when we’re most energetic and alert. Some of us are morning people, some are night owls, and others do best in the late afternoon hours. This is the time you usually find it easiest to accomplish your hardest tasks. But, whenever your peak hours are, that’s the time to tackle your most difficult and demanding tasks. You’ll be a true powerhouse then with your brain working at its maximum capacity.

My final thought

These tips are general and can help to a greater or lesser degree any person who procrastinates. Keeping in mind not all people procrastinate for the same reason it follows that some tips are better than others, but you may need to think outside the box. Tip number 2 works best for me because unfamiliar things make me feel overwhelmed and I need a list of steps to take.

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Prioritize Your Happiness

Are you wasting your precious time wishing that you had more things to make you happy? How’s that working for you? Life’s short hadn’t you heard. If it’s happiness you want then that’s the feeling you need to prioritize. Not the ephemeral feelings from a string of new things. So, to become happy it’s best you start with gratitude for what you already have.

Happiness increases with gratitude

You may not realize that noticing the good things in your life can make you happier. But when you do, you’ll approach life from a much more positive viewpoint so that your daily tasks and goals feel joyful and less burdensome.

Here are four ways practicing gratitude can make for a happier life.

1.     It sets up a virtuous circle

The more you appreciate the good things in your life, the more you’ll see. And by focusing on things that make you happy, you’ll become more optimistic and expect to see good things! And then you have more to be grateful for and so on. Before you know it, you will have set up a lovely self-fulfilling cycle of positivity and happiness.

2.     You’ll attract more friends

People who are cheerful and optimistic tend to have more friends. Think of Big Bird and Oscar, the Grouch – who’s more fun to be around? Who has more friends? The person who’s cheery and singing, or the grouchy complainer?

3.     You’ll be more resilient

When you are grateful for what you already have it sets you up to be better able to deal with difficult times when they come along. Instead of focusing on the heavy rain during your drive to work, you are grateful that your lawn will be green without having to turn on the sprinklers.

4.     You’ll live longer

Perhaps the most surprising benefit of practicing gratitude is the impact it can have on your physical health. Gratitude primes you for happiness and being happy sets off a whole train of positive chemical interactions in your brain and body. Research has shown that happier people live longer, healthier lives.

“The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for yourself.”

— Ellen DeGeneres

Happiness provides health benefits

Instead of the stress chemical cortisol, which can lead to inflammation and poor immune response, your happy brain will increase levels of dopamine and serotonin. These chemicals lead to lower blood pressure and heart rate and improved immune function.

If you are happy you set yourself up for a better, more positive aging experience. Unhappy people are more prone to chronic illness, depression and even earlier death.

Encourages Healthy Living

According to studies, happier people are almost twice as likely to eat more fresh vegetables than people who state that they are not happy. Eating more produce will automatically improve your health over those who eat a diet high in processed food.

Provides Energy

When you eat better, you tend to end up with more energy. It’s hard to imagine it but being negative or sad can literally drain your energy out of your body while being happy can give you more energy.

Boosts Immunity

Eating better, moving more, and feeling happy will also increase your ability to fight off illness and disease because it improves your immunity. A study showed that people who report happiness tend to fight off illness faster than people who report sadness. They literally gave people the cold virus and the happy people were three times less likely to catch the cold.

Lessens Stress

If you’re happy, you’ll have a lot less keeping you up at night, to worry about, and therefore you’ll end up with less stress. However, it goes farther than that because happy people tend to report less stress even when they are facing stressful situations. Due to the strength that happiness gives you, you’ll experience less stress.

Protects Cardiovascular Health

Because you’re eating better and moving more due to your happiness, you are also protecting your cardiovascular health. You’re less likely to suffer a heart attack, stroke, or other issues related to heart health and the cardiovascular system.

Increases Longevity

Because you’re eating right, exercising more, and you’re feeling great about life, you will likely live longer. According to one long-term study that tracked the lives of 32,000 people to find out who lived longer, the people who report happiness, or the people who report being less happy. It's not surprising that happy people tend to live 14 percent longer.

Diminishes Pain

People who have chronic pain have a right to be mad about it or feel sad about it. However, the fact is people who report being happy tend to deal with their chronic pain (and other illness) better than those who were not happy to start with.

When you are happy, you’re more likely to eat right, drink enough water, and move. It’s mostly because you have more energy to do active things. For more information on nutrition see my past post The Right Nutrition Will Make You Healthier.

Happiness is its own reward

Many people believe that success will guarantee happiness. But delaying being happy until you’ve got that promotion, or a bigger car is a mistake. Tying your happiness to achieving your goals almost guarantees you’ll never be happy. Here are three reasons to choose happiness over success.

1.       Are we there yet?

Have you noticed that there are always more goals to achieve? As soon as you get that job, your eye is on the next promotion. Setting goals and achieving them is important but waiting to be happy until you’re successful is like chasing butterflies. There will always be another better butterfly just out of reach.

2.     Choose happy

There’s increasing evidence that happy people tend to be more successful. By focusing on being happy and living life on their terms, they are already successful. Choosing happiness in your current circumstances creates greater self-confidence. You will act and talk like you’ve already made it. And that sort of confidence is contagious and inspiring.  Simply by choosing to be happy you have a competitive edge!

3.     And the definition of success is…

Ask ten people for their definition of success, and you’ll get ten different answers. For some people, it is the consumer dream of an executive job, a fancy car, and a big house. For others, it will be the freedom to travel or paint or write or own their own business.

Probably the most important decision you’ll make is to work out what success means for you. And the most meaningful success is to choose what makes you happy. What is your passion? What makes you want to get out of bed in the morning?

It’s up to you to decide what makes you happy. It’s still okay to want to have the trappings of success but think about why you want them. Chances are it’s the feeling you want rather than the thing itself.

If you think making more money will make you feel secure, or enable you to travel or support your favorite cause, maybe there are other ways you can do those things right now? Maybe you can volunteer for your charity, or choose cheaper vacation options, or start a savings plan.

There’s no need to delay being happy until you’ve reached a level of material success. You can choose to be happy right now and find contentment in the things that already make you feel good!

Happiness habits for the good

There’s increasing evidence that it’s not enough to learn a new skill or sign up for the gym. To succeed you need to turn that skill or commitment into a habit. Here are four benefits of forming good habits.

1.     Habits are easy to create, and change!

It’s easy to form a habit, whether it’s good or bad. You can choose to form a habit of getting up early for a run or staying in bed. It’s totally up to you, and you can choose to change a habit any time you like.

You can choose every day whether to eat healthily or not. But the more you choose the positive option, the more it becomes second nature, and before you know it, you’ll be reaching for the smoothie instead of the doughnut.

2.     Reach your goals with good habits

Once you’ve set your goals, you can adjust your behavior to make it more likely that you’ll achieve them. Establishing a daily habit is the first step to achieving success

If you want to lose weight, you can choose to get into the habit of exercising and eating healthier. Running every day will mean you’ll become ready to compete in that triathlon.

3.     Habits keep you focused

Once you’ve set a good habit, it becomes much easier to stick to your plan. If something is part of your routine, you don’t have to convince yourself to do it every day. You can also build new habits onto old ones, such as making sure you do meditation or yoga routine immediately before you brush your teeth. That way you’re much more likely to stick to your commitment.

4.     Habits are foundational

If you want to achieve your life goals, setting positive habits can become your building blocks to success. Make it a habit to pay bills straightaway, and you’ll never pay penalties or jeopardize your credit rating. If you get into the habit of getting to the office early and clearing your emails, you’ll become known for your dedication and efficiency.

Interpersonal habits can be important too. So, don’t forget the people in your life. Make it a habit to acknowledge the things your partner does for you, or when your children behave well, make them feel appreciated.

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