Your Mindset On Time And Small Changes

Gram’s Wisdom 40: Small changes make a big difference.

How many of you had parents or other adults ask you, at 7 or 8 years old, what you wanted to be or do when you were grown, then laugh at your answer? I never understood what was funny. Some children just seem to know forever that they want to be a doctor, while others have no idea whatsoever and change their minds daily. The decision about what you want to do with your life is one of the most difficult things you'll go through. Fortunately, at this young age, you have plenty of time to sort this out. You’ve seen the cumulative effect time has on what you learn and the habits you make.

Gram often told me that being an adult doesn't come with a manual, that much of it can be trial and error, and you will make many mistakes along the way. One way to minimize risks is to make small changes as you grow over an extended amount of time, rather than trying to transform your life overnight. By observing, over time, the effect of your actions, you know how well, or not a particular decision is working for you. 

As a human being, you have the power to choose. Whatever you do, it's your choice. Do nothing and that is your choice as well. But how can you tell which choice is right and which is wrong? After all, the possibilities are endless. Don’t rush the decision. Try using these steps to choose your most significant small change for a better life.

Determine your meaningful objectives.

Whatever you want to accomplish, make sure it's meaningful to you. Stop looking at the objectives that others set for themselves. Their goals are not your goals. Why? Because they are not you. Setting an inappropriate objective for the wrong reason will not give you the result you hoped for.

Do you want to be a doctor with your own practice or own a florist shop? Do it because you want to, not because your parents are pressuring you or your friends believe it is the right thing to do.

Consider what would make you happy and add joy to your life. Go beyond the superficial and dive deep into what brings those feelings to you right now. Don't try to change things just for the sake of doing something new, unless new is the thing you desire. If you do that, you'll find it’s not sustainable, and soon you will lose your enthusiasm for it.

Simplify your goals.

Most people have some huge goals, such as owning a dream home, traveling around the world, or making a fortune. While there’s nothing wrong with dreaming big, these things take time and hard work.

Let's say you want to have a home by the sea. Break this goal into small, simple steps. Evaluate your income and expenses, determine how much your dream home would cost, and what’s involved in the process. Also, try to determine what small changes you'll have to make to accomplish your goal. Allow yourself ample time to reach your goal. Time compounds your effort.

Tackle one challenge at a time. Don’t try and do all the things at once.

For instance, you could begin by taking a second job or starting a side hustle. Put some money aside every month. As your side business grows, turn it into a full-time venture. Later, you'll be able to get credit and buy that dream home.

Constancy is key.

Believe it or not, you can bring your ideas to life without changing everything at once. It’s that important first step that can move you in the right direction. Small things, such as building a new habit over time, can go a long way toward your success.

Whatever tiny changes you make, turn them into habits. It's not enough to put money aside for a month or two. A house costs a lot more than that. Instead, save money every month for one year, three years, or five years. Commit to those years and celebrate the milestones as you achieve them.

If you feel like giving up, remember why you started in the first place. Focus on your end goal and remind yourself that everything you do brings you another step closer to the destination. Don't give up - your hard work will pay off. It's just a matter of time.

Small actions lead to big changes.

Taking the first step is always the hardest. It’s not uncommon to see people never do what they have in mind just because they’re too afraid to begin. New experiences come with a dose of fear. Not everyone is willing to let go of their fear and take on a new challenge. Be assured, though, that if you want to succeed, you must embrace the unknown and take risks.

No matter what you're trying to achieve, taking the first step can be terrifying. You might think:

    • What if I fail?

    • How will I make money?

    • What will people think?

    • What if I’m no good?

    • What if it's not the right time to do it?

    • Am I ready for this?

The truth is there is no guarantee that you'll succeed. But you'll never know how well it's going to turn out unless you try. Do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering "what if?”

That first step is always the hardest because it requires you to embrace the unknown and face your fears. It's also the most important step - without it, nothing will change.

My final thoughts.

Take a baby step to change your life. Most times, it's the smallest things that have the greatest impact on our lives. Small things take time to accumulate and build. It takes perseverance and dedication. You needn’t have everything figured out from day one. What you need is a goal and the courage to do one little, minuscule thing to get started.

Later, take another step and then another, and so on. Stop waiting for the perfect moment to get started. Stop overanalyzing and just go for it! The best time to begin is now.

For more information on how to establish a new change, read this post.

Small Changes Over Time Equal Big Results

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Can I Make My Relationship Work?

YOU CAN’T. Not on your own. Sure, you can improve some things that are more YOU centric on your own. You can even alter your attitude and manner and learn to just accept what makes you feel less than happy. Many people do. But this is most unsatisfactory and difficult to manage for the rest of your life and I wouldn’t recommend it.

Only as a couple can make your relationship work. It must be important, and you must genuinely want it to work. Did I mention it’s hard work? Nonetheless, the rewards of a good relationship are enormous and well worth the effort you will make.

7 Keys To help your relationship work:

Have you committed?

This could be the most important thing you do. Your commitment must be to each other. To your future together. To solving any difficulties together. You should be devoted to what best serves you as a couple. At times, a decision may of necessity rest more heavily on one of you or the other. Remember to be sensitive and never overbearing when making that decision.

How do you communicate?

The way you speak to your husband tells him as much as the words you use, as does your body language. Some conversations will take you out of your comfort zone. So, speak gently to one another. You should be honest but never hurtful. Apologize frequently, especially if you are right. Don’t make statements that give the impression that you harbor a back door out of your relationship. These and other nasty statements can never be taken back and are best never said. Communication is a connection, so let it always be positive.

What are your boundaries?

Every couple needs boundaries. You are, after all, individuals, and you likely had a life before you met. Your boundaries should be defined upfront to save trouble and misunderstanding next week or next year. This doesn’t mean you have the right to know everywhere your spouse goes or all that he does. It does require that you don’t do hurtful things to each other.

Give and expect respect.

Show your spouse you respect him. Actively listen when he is speaking and sharing his opinions. You’re not obligated to see things his way, but you should be interested in his view and be aware of the value that sharing has. Your husband should similarly show his respect and regard for you. To be respectful is to be aware of your partner’s feelings.

Supporting your partner is a must.

Yes, I said must. If you want a flourishing relationship you must be your spouse’s biggest supporter. You should always encourage him and stand up for him. Your supportive husband will want what is best for you and he will never hold you back from reaching your goals and desires. You need to be a pillar your partner can lean on.

Nothing without trust.

Can you be trusted? Can he? Nothing hurts two people more than betrayal. All healthy relationships need mutual trust, and couples don’t automatically trust right away. Trust takes time and attention to develop. But with love, communication, confidence, and support your trust in one another can grow and deepen.

Flexibility for the long haul.

Things change. Life changes. As individuals, we grow at different rates and at different times. Events in life can cause one or the other partner to leap ahead while the other hunkers down for safety. This is normal but it shouldn’t become permanent. Over the passing years, you live together, flexibility is your friend. If you develop an unbending mindset you run the risk of unhappiness settling into your relationship. The continuing flexibility and growth of your relationship allow you both to find new things to be excited about singly and together.

My final thought

I believe that if you begin your relationship using the 7 keys above you have a good chance of making things work. Toss in some humor and forgiveness and at the very least you should have a happy home life while you work at it. Nothing smooths the way better than to be able to laugh at yourselves and forgive one another.

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This is the 4th and the last post in a series of responses to past most liked posts. I have placed the link below to the earlier post.

Simple Love and Care Advice for Couples

Commit Yourself To Perpetual Joy

Gram’s Wisdom 19: Joy, it isn’t a little thing

My Gram helped me to understand that joy in life is about the little moments, the little things, the little conversations, the little kindnesses. They are mostly seen as minutiae moments, if you’re not looking, they can pass you by without you even noticing. Rather, Gram told me, they are the keys to the kingdom. When you get to experience those moments in all their fullness you will never want to go back to the mundane. It is in those somewhat rare moments when you feel your heart light up, you feel the warmth of your soul set ablaze. That is when joy is almost touchable.

Joy, as l see it, is a condition of your heart. It is an intrinsic feeling, formed and nurtured in you followed by it pouring out of you, it is like a river fed from different sources, it continues overflowing to the outside as long as the source feeds it, but when the source dries up or is restricted the flow ends as well. To keep the flow moving, the source needs to be kept abundant.

Many activities feed your joy, they might differ from person to person, but some are universal. The more you incorporate such things into your day to day living the more those twinkling moments of intensified joy will become an all-day, everyday thing, the joy will just keep gushing out!

What are your sources of joy?

To be able to know your sources it takes mastery of self, when you spend time with yourself digging into your utmost feelings you will learn what feeds your fire. Looking at it this way you become the protagonist of your joy, you decide to be joyful and to do what makes you joyful. You become the artist of your joy.

I am going to relate nine activities that can serve as resources to feed and energize your joy, activities that keep you grounded and in alignment with your inner self and during the process get rid of all mental turmoil thus giving you peace and calm which in turn births joy.

1.      Meditation to calm both mind and body

Joy and mental health cannot be separated, when you have good mental health joy becomes a plus. When your mind is troubled, you are stressed and all anxious you find it hard to relax or to tap into your magic for life, your inspiration.

When you meditate you allow yourself to quiet your mind and access some facets and layers of yourself that you have not discovered yet. It gives you peace of mind, a moment of serenity as you harness your thoughts and focus within, which is where joy is brewed.

2.      An attitude of gratitude

When you are thankful you automatically focus on the positive, you see the bright places even when the whole world seems to be grey. A grateful heart shifts your mind to another perspective of life, you stop judging and complaining at every turn and you open your mind to all the good things happening around you.

Find something to be grateful for each morning, just the fact that you are breathing, seeing the sunrise, hearing the chirping birds, that could be enough to power your spirit of gratitude which will feed your joy for the rest of the day.

In the evening make it a part of your routine to look back on your day and remember what you were grateful for; if possible, make a list or better yet begin a gratitude journal. When you master the art of being grateful even in difficult moments you will always have a source of joy.

3.      Random acts of kindness

The thing with joy is that it has a moral compass, it is not just about the feel-good moments, it goes deeper. When we give joy and love to others it is somehow given back to us, we feel it in our insides. When you help a stranger, volunteer at a shelter, make someone laugh you find yourself more joyful than when you spend the day trying to figure out how to make yourself happy without having shared the gift.

Start a wave of love, of joy-giving everywhere you are by doing a random act of kindness to a stranger; when you start the ripple, it goes on and on from one person to the next. Imagine what a colorful world that would be, one colored with love and joy all over.

4.      Expand your life

As a naturally inquisitive species, we feed on an adventure. Learning something new daily or getting additional information on what you already know and enjoy can be an enormous source of joy. Try new things, travel, and visit new places. Begin a new hobby, monotony dulls your brilliant mind. Increase your involvement in something you love. Leap, l mean what is the worst that could happen, you find out you are not good at painting, well try hiking instead. There is immense joy in learning and trying new things.

5.      Find your purpose

Your purpose is a reason to be, it gives you something to look forward to, something bigger than yourself and we all need to be of use. When responsibility aligns with your passion, the purpose is found. Discover what lights you up, know your passion, that is the primary step. Take responsibility for that passion, daily give yourself tasks to complete. If you love writing, write something daily.

6.      Dance for no reason

There are just those little things that bring an immense feeling of joy when you come across them. We often call them breathtaking. For some, it might be bright colors, sunset pictures, nature. In ways, these things are somehow a representation of the aesthetics of joy- abundance, renewal, and celebration. Incorporate these small effects into your daily living, paint your room a bright color, dance for no reason, or blow bubbles if you want to.

7.      Take action toward a goal, an inspiration, or an epiphany

Commitment gives off a feel-good factor; when you take a step toward your goal you feel good about yourself. Find moments of inspiration from talking to strangers, taking a walk in the park. Leap towards your goal even if you fail you will still find joy in the exercise of trying.

Decide to be joyful, be intentional about your daily activities, and choose those that feed into your joy stream.

8.      Treat yourself with love

Treat yourself right, give yourself a break when it’s needed. Take yourself on a spa date, eat that meal you love. Show yourself the care you would give to others. When you are cared for, you are joyful.

9.      Spend time with the people you love

These people often bring out the best version of us and joy spreads. So, spending time with family and friends is often a reboot to your joy.

My final thought

I truly feel that joy like happiness or optimism can and should be chosen by design. To wait on any of them to occur in a big way by accident is to miss out on all the little moments you can choose to create perpetual joy for yourself and by extension to those around you.  

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