Be The Person You Were Meant To Be

Are you the Senior, who raised your family and went to the 9-5 every day? Do you now look in the mirror only to wonder where that free spirited young man or daring young woman has gone? Did they toss out the dreams of who they wanted to be, or only temporarily set them aside? It’s your turn now. Will you make the time to become an artist, mentor, world traveler, or perhaps a gardener? You can be that person, or you can make excuses.

Do You Feel Your Life Is Successful?

Are you pleased with the way your life has turned out so far? If your life is on track and your visions fully in place then you can view your life as a success. Unfortunately most people still have burning desires inside of them. If this is you isn’t it time you did something about them?

If you truly want to view your life as successful then you need to learn how to be true to yourself. This means throwing a little caution to the wind and following your hearts dreams and desires.

Your dreams needn’t be huge and involve moving to a different country. Your dreams may be much smaller. Such as wanting to sit down and write a novel, or learn how to paint or take quality photographs.

No matter what your dreams are you owe it yourself to take some type of action to achieve them. Do you have a bucket list? If so, how many items have you checked off?

Start today and make a plan so that you can achieve at least one of your dreams this year. Or at the very least be on target for reaching it. Write out the steps you would need to take to achieve your goal. Break them down into smaller steps, ones that can be completed quickly and easily. Then work on completing each small goal. Remember that each step brings you that much closer to fulfilling your dream.

A small step might include signing up for art lessons. It might mean researching what equipment you need to make your photography dream come true. Or it could include saving up money so that you can afford your dream.

Each action you take you will give your life more purpose. You have allowed yourself the freedom of chasing a dream. Don’t worry about what others say, you are not foolish nor wasting your money.

Instead you are leading a life that will have you feeling successful. You are essentially becoming your own person who makes their own choices and decisions. What could be better?  

“What’s meant to be will always find a way.” -Trisha Yearwood

Is Society Shaping You?

Who doesn’t lead a busy life these days? Nearly everyone does and there is one impact of this that you may not be aware. That you allow society, as a whole, to shape you as a person?

Society today is full of people who like to stereotype, label and categorize not just items but other people. If you do not fit into one of these labels then you may be viewed as an outcast.

The result of this typecasting is, you forget to be true to yourself and instead conform to a mold. This doesn’t allow you to be yourself. Is that really how you want to live, or are you ready to shake off that mold allowing the true you to emerge?

Getting out of the mold is not always easy. The moment you break the stereotyping your friends look at you in a different way. They may wonder why you are attracting attention to yourself, instead of staying quiet.

Allowing yourself freedom to try new things is a great way to become your own person. There is no harm in trying something new. If anything you learn important lessons and gain new experiences. You discover what your limitations are and you find strengths you never knew you had.

Life is really too short to allow others to dictate your every move. You need to have the courage to be your own person. Learn how to express yourself, to have faith in yourself, and above all, learn to trust your own decisions.

Remember, you are giving yourself the freedom to choose your own life. Once you make that move and stop allowing society to shape you, you will feel in tune with your life.

Life is full of choices, you will make both positive and negative choices, but at least you will be living your own life. Not one that others think you should live.

Accept Yourself

Are you happy in your own skin? Feeling comfortable and accepting yourself is important if you want to lead a fulfilling and happy life. Let’s take a look at how you can achieve these feelings.

Your first step is to ask yourself a couple of questions:

1.     Who is the person you want to become? Describe this person in detail.

2.     What things do you really care about?

3.     Is there anything or anyone you may lose if you start to live the life you truly want?

Write your answers out in detail. This way you have a complete description of the person you want to become and why.

During this journey you need to understand and accept that nobody is perfect. Every person has faults, and you must learn to live with them. You are now ready to begin living your life the way you want and deserve to.

You must learn to love yourself. You may have parts of you that you are extremely happy with, and those that you hate. You must stop hating and work on improving the way you view these things. If you have habits that can be changed then change them. If you just have quirks, then these are part of your personality. They identify what is unique about you, as a person. You need to accept and love your quirks!

Every day you want to focus on how you can do things that showcase the person you really are. If you want to speak out about something, then do so. Don’t stay silent just because your friends or family won’t approve. Always try to stay true to yourself as much as possible.

Before going to bed each night ask yourself if you were the best person that you could possibly be. Did you make the right choices or did you let fear keep you hiding in the shadows?

This entire journey of accepting yourself takes time, and yes, it’s not always easy or comfortable. Just remember that you are doing this for yourself. By becoming the person you really want to be, you will be happier and this will spread to every other area of your life.

Tips for Being the Best You Possible

Use these tips to stay true to yourself and to give yourself permission to follow your heart’s desires.

| Tip One:

Give yourself permission to have dreams and goals in your life, regardless of what your family and friends say or think. If you want to learn how to climb a mountain, go skydiving one day, or spend hours painting just go for it.

| Tip Two:

Remember that you own your life and that you have only one life. Life is too short to keep putting things off until next week or next year. Start making plans that will help you fulfill your dreams.

| Tip Three:

Write out your dreams and desires on paper. This will help them feel more real to you. Then go through your list and place them in order. Have the one you want to do first on top.

| Tip Four:

Start planning how you will achieve your dream. Do you need to learn a new skill? Take certain lessons? Or you may have to save up the cash for it.

| Tip Five:

Create a plan of action of things that you can do immediately that will help you reach your dream. It often helps to break down larger goals into much smaller ones. This way they become more manageable and easier to attain.

| Tip Six:

Stay motivated and on track with reaching your goal. Don’t let others dissuade you from your dream.

| Tip Seven:

Stay realistic with your dream. Ensure that your end goal is something that you can actually achieve. There is no point in dreaming of climbing a mountain if you are terrified of heights!

| Tip Eight:

Be authentic to those who try to stop you in your tracks. Listen to their objections and then counter them with your action plan. If you map out your steps to reach your goal and can clearly show this to others, objections will become fewer as time goes on.

| Tip Nine:

While reaching your dreams will help fulfill your life, you don’t want to lose your friends, and family over it. Take time to discuss your plans with anyone who is concerned. After all they do have your best interests at heart.

| Tip Ten:

Ensure your goal is something you really want. Don’t do anything out of spite just to prove a point to someone. Open up your heart and your feelings and let those tugs pull you in the right direction.

I would be grateful if you share this with someone whom you feel would benefit.

Do You Feel Your Gratitude?

Gram’s Wisdom Installment 2

My Gram left me after more than a hundred years of living, with an abundance of wisdom and advice. The kind of wisdom all grandmothers want to share if they are blessed with the time and opportunity to do so. Much of this may be known to you, some things you might have forgotten. I hope these bits of homey wisdom spark either memories from your youth or better yet conversations with your own grandchildren.

What are you feeling grateful for today?

I spent many weekends with my grandparents as a child and continued to live nearby as I became an adult. When we would meet Gram would always tell me what she felt grateful for that day. She would say she woke up that morning feeling gratefulness for… or that during the course of the day something occurred for which she felt gratitude. She always displayed her appreciation and gratitude for the good people and things that were a part of her life.

What a difference a little gratitude makes

Gratitude simplified is appreciating the good things in your life. When you are focused on what is good in your life you have less time to dwell on the bad. It doesn’t always seem this simple, though. When things are hectic or stressful, finding the silver lining can be challenging. However, learning how to express gratitude can significantly boost your happiness.  

About gratitude

There are many definitions of gratitude. Some people believe it’s a feeling or emotion. Others look at it as more of a mood. Still, other people believe gratitude is a personality trait a person exhibits. These are all correct. In essence, gratitude elicits satisfaction and appreciation in a person through feelings, actions or even inherent qualities. However, even those of us who may be more inclined to feel grateful on a regular basis may need to work on evoking such an outlook. Gratitude can be viewed as a practice or something you perform regularly. Most people practice something because it benefits them. This is true of gratitude. As with other practices, you’ll get better at demonstrating gratitude the more you work at it.

Benefits of embracing gratitude

There are many benefits of gratitude; many of them have been scientifically proven. Once you begin to understand these, chances are good that you’ll see why it’s so important to develop a grateful mindset. Gratitude can have a positive effect on both physical and mental health. Research has shown it improves relaxation, sleep quality and energy levels. Being thankful for your blessings can enhance your emotional wellness. You’ll deal better in crisis situations and find you’re more resilient when you’re able to look on the bright side. This can contribute to better relationships, too. Appreciating the positives in life can simply make you feel happier.

“Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty.” -Doris Day

Ways to practice gratitude

Recognizing your blessings may not come easily at first, but there are some ways to help make it a habit and a regular part of your routine. One of the most convenient and impactful methods for cultivating appreciation is through keeping a gratitude journal. Write down three things each day that you’re grateful for, which makes it easier to notice and recognize those good things. Making an effort to thank someone each day, for even the smallest thing, opens your eyes and heart to abundance. Giving back and doing good for others can provide tremendous perspective, as well.

Embracing and expressing gratitude are more important than many of us realize. So, what do you feel grateful for today?

I would be grateful if you share this post with someone who will find it beneficial.

Seniors Should Choose An Online Career

 Senior Benefits of an Online Career

Many people tend to stick to what they know and what they’re comfortable with in life. For seniors, it’s no different, especially when it comes to a new career. It may be difficult for you to consider what type of job you might be suited for after you retire from your previous career. Particularly since you may have worked in that career for decades. Still, you shouldn’t ignore the opportunities that working outside your comfort zone can bring. As long as it’s not too uncomfortable.  

Ageism can rear its ugly head when you are looking for work at this period in your life. No one wants to pay you for your years of experience. Many seniors often end up in part time or entry level jobs in retail or the food industry but that’s simply not the best fit for you. These lower end jobs often provide inconvenient hours, insufficient pay, and the type of environment not best suited to seniors.

It frequently involves a lot of physical activity and may be strenuous. Which can be quite hard on any seniors who have issues with mobility or energy. Online marketing is a great alternative to these more common jobs for a number of reasons, all of which are particularly beneficial to senior marketers.

While the idea of changing to an entirely different kind of career might sound daunting at first, it’s really not quite as bad as you might think. First, online marketing can all be done from the comfort of your own home. Second, you needn’t learn it all in one day. Third, there are a variety of ways to make money marketing your products or services and you get to choose.

“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” – Milton Berle

Instead of having to drive somewhere to a store dressed in a uniform, you get to wear whatever clothes are comfortable for you and work from your couch, desk, or patio. You don’t have to worry about wasting money on gas to drive to and from work, and you can have a lunch break just about any time that pleases you.

Time is a major factor in the benefits of online marketing. Where some jobs would have you working inconsistent hours, inconvenient hours, or just not giving you the hours you want, online marketing allows you to choose when you work and how much you work. Imagine being able to take the time to attend your grandchildren’s dance recitals or baseball games anytime you choose.

If you so desire, you can work all day every day, or just for a few hours every other day. It’s entirely up to you to make your own schedule. As far as earnings go, there’s no real limit to it. If you work consistently, you can earn anywhere from $20,000 a year to six or seven figures.

Given that all of your work in online marketing is done from a computer, you don’t even need to be at home while you’re working. You can be travelling in another state or in another country and still work if you want to, as long as you have an internet connection and access to your files on your laptop or in the cloud.

For more information check 5 Online Businesses You Can Start With No Money by Brian Edmondson for the balance small business.

If this post has been of any value to you, I would be grateful if you shared it with a friend who could also benefit.

Honesty And Integrity; Keeping Your Conscience Clear

This post is the first of six top rated posts I published in 2019. I have made some tweaks and felt they deserved another look.

Integrity and trust

Being honest and having a strong moral compass isn’t easy. However, your life is simpler when you behave with integrity. Others can trust you, and that trust is priceless. Acting with integrity is harder in the short-term, but its value is immeasurable. Daily life steadily becomes simplified when your behavior reflects your integrity.

You are free to feel easy of mind when you choose to live a life of honesty. When your words and actions are in alignment you are a complete person.

Tell your friends the truth in all circumstances. Be gentle and constructive in the telling. Hurt someone unnecessarily and you can lose them. Honesty strengthens your relationships. Although the truth is sometimes difficult to hear, be committed to being a trustworthy ally for the people who mean the most to you.

You can build strong relationships with others too when you tell the truth. Just don’t be surprised to find that there are those people who don’t like to hear the truth.

When you speak honestly, you needn’t worry about relying on memory to recount a situation. Being candid allows you to be consistent in what you say. It strengthens your conviction and shows others that you are a person of principles.

Your word can be relied upon because you ensure that it comes from an honorable place. You always give others the benefit of the doubt when conditions are unclear.

It may be tempting to cover up mistakes, please refrain from doing that. Creating a veil of dishonesty only leads to more dishonesty and that can lead to devastating consequences for your integrity

When you tell the truth, you sleep very well at night. It’s a good feeling to avoid being a prisoner of your own thoughts. You release them in an honest and considerate way. Your heart and soul are at peace because you are truthful but not harsh nor hurtful.

Today, the truth set you free once again. You are blessed to know the value of being honest. You are committed to keeping your words, actions, and behavior in line with your values. You don’t need to be in a position of power to have an impact on others.

Strengthen your integrity using these simple tips.

1.  Work on your personal growth.

Developing yourself is an effective way to strengthen your integrity. When you grow as a human being, you become more comfortable and confident with yourself thereby feeling less need to behave inauthentically.

2.  Reliability.

Be on time, avoid canceling appointments, and do what you say you’re going to do. If you say that you’ll deliver your report by noon on Friday, ensure that it’s done on time. It’s easy to be reliable if you under-promise but that is cheating. Instead, make promises you know you can keep, and you’ll never disappoint anyone.

3.  Be honest with yourself first.

Before you do or say something, question why you’re doing it. What is your real purpose? Are you being self-serving at the expense of others, or are your motives honorable? Self-awareness is a primary component of integrity.

4.  Be real but be honest.

Do people believe that you’re genuine? Do you lie to be comfortable or to pretend that you’re something you aren’t? Remember, honesty isn’t a license to tell a coworker that she’s fat or that her husband looks like a troll. Unless it is relevant to necessity it’s unkind and should be left unsaid.

5.  Let others see you live by your values.

If you’re unaware of your values, now would be a great time to sort them out and list them. Knowing your values makes it simpler to make decisions. It also makes your behavior more predictable, which makes others more comfortable. Know your values and live them each day.

6.  Be willing to say no.

When you say yes to things you don’t want to do, you’re not demonstrating integrity. You’re not obligated to take part in every opportunity that’s presented to you. Valuing your time is smart. Be honest and say no when you mean it.

7.  Become more confident.

Confident people are comfortable. Comfortable people are better able to act with integrity. A lack of integrity is often a response to discomfort. You’re not comfortable meeting your new girlfriend’s parents, so you make up excuses to delay the meeting. You lack the confidence to give a speech at work, so you call out “sick.”

· The more uncomfortable you are each day, the more your integrity will be challenged and suffers. Confidence and self-esteem are the answer. Work on both each day.

8.  Put a stop to doing things you shouldn’t do.

Are you stealing pens and post-it notes from work? Stealing your neighbor’s Sunday paper? Stealing napkins from the fast-food restaurant to stock your kitchen? Do you think those are little things to be ignored? Dishonest in little things dishonest in big. Think about your behavior and adjust accordingly.

9.  Stand up for something.

Most of us have values and opinions of some kind, but few are willing to ever share them, let alone stand up for them. While others won’t always agree with your stances, many will respect you for having them.

Self-Reflection Questions:

1. How do I feel when someone is dishonest with me?

2. When is it most difficult for me to be straightforward with others?

3. What are some lessons I learn from being direct with others?

4. What beliefs do I hold that makes it simple for me to act with integrity?

My final thought.

Live your life with integrity. It certainly is a more challenging way to live on the surface. But living with integrity is simpler over the long haul. The respect and goodwill that you accrue from this steady dependable behavior allow you to experience more success in every facet of your life.

I would be pleased if you were to share this with your family and friends.

How To Avoid Catching A Cold Or Flu

Much of what you will read in this new series will seem familiar. That’s because regardless of what you call her; Grandmother, Granny, Nana, Grandma, or Gram like I called mine and my Grandson calls me, she gave us similar advice. Some of it remembered and some or much is forgotten. Yes, and the truth is as the years or a generation passes by some things change, but some things don’t. What I offer here is very basic information about those things that remain the same.

Something my Gram told me

The 2 simplest and most effective ways to skip the cold and flu season:

1.     Wash your hands, a lot.

2.     Do not touch your face with your hands.

Unless you never leave your home, you have no idea who has touched the counter you picked up your coffee from or the change you received when you paid for it. Money is filthy and many unknown hands touch it. What, you used your debit card. How about that keypad you swiped and entered your pin into? Who was the last person to use it before you?

Your hands and face are the perfect vehicle to pick up cold and flu germs. Everyone should be carrying a hand sanitizer when leaving the house.

Good health and good sense are two of life’s greatest blessings.

Publius Syrus

Dress Appropriately

Keeping your head covered when you go outside and your feet dry goes a long way toward helping you maintain your wellness.

Keep surfaces at home sanitary

When you and your children come home do backpacks, handbags, or shopping bags end up on the kitchen table or island? Where have they been? If you aren’t sure or even if you are, once they are removed use a sanitizer on those surfaces before preparing or eating dinner. (I like a fifty-fifty preparation of hydrogen peroxide and water in a spray bottle.) Don’t forget to spray Lysol on those backpacks frequently.

Our bathrooms especially a shared bathroom is another room with surfaces we all touch. Faucets, counter, drinking glass, toilet. All these surfaces need to be sanitized more often during cold and flu season. (If someone has caught a cold or the flu, replace toothbrushes.) 

Last but not least don’t forget to wipe down door knobs, remote controls for TV or games, and light switches.

Doing the laundry

If everyone in the home is healthy your laundry routine is likely to be more than adequate. When illness visits the house it is time to step up that routine. Whoever does the laundry is vulnerable to catching and passing any illness in the house. So wash those hands.

Launder the clothing and bedding of the sick person more frequently and alone if possible. Pre-wash with a laundry sanitizer before running it through a normal cycle. Use the warmest water temperature the fabric will accommodate and the same when you put it in the dryer. If you live in a climate where you are able to hang your laundry out that’s even better as the sun is a great germ killer.

If you know anyone who would benefit from the information in this post please share it.

Why We Fail To Achieve Our New Year Resolutions

We all have areas where we want to improve ourselves; health, work, family, you name it. But reality sets in along with a busy schedule that doesn’t leave any space for a new goal. We also rarely have the persistence needed to see it through. Or maybe we just don’t know where or how to start.

The statistics of those who keep their New Year resolutions is pretty sad. None the less, for those who make the effort and persevere they will find value in the trying.

Resolutions maintained:

·         Past the first week: 75%

·         Past two weeks: 71%

·         After one month: 64%

·         After six months: 46%

We tend to think of failure as something shameful or undesirable because it makes us feel like crap. Understandably, failing to achieve a goal is often cause for negative feelings, no matter how big or small that goal was.

But those feelings can be changed when we understand failure is part of the process of success and teaches valuable lessons if we know how to learn from it.

Three ways to redefine failure and learn from it effectively.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes

Learning from your mistakes is about more than just thinking about what went wrong. It’s about clarity, the chance to see why a particular thing doesn’t work.

Think about it

Mistakes are not just a natural part of embarking on a new project; but also part of the human experience. As such, they should be accepted as necessary steps toward achieving your goals.

Intelligent mistakes

Having the freedom to make mistakes increases creativity. Without unnecessary pressures to avoid mistakes a creative solution to the problem can often be found.

Whatever the source of the mistake, removing any negative feelings about it and re-framing it as a source of new knowledge is the first step toward learning from failure effectively.

But what's next?

Rethink your approach to your resolution

Now that you're looking at the mistake without judgment, think of how you got into the situation.

If your dedication and focus decreased at any time, make note of it and try to find the cause. Identifying the internal and external causes that affected your resolve helps you prepare to meet them in the future.

In some cases, discussing the failure with someone you trust can help you see the issues from a different perspective. Rely on your support network to pinpoint what went wrong and how you could prevent it.

Plan ahead

Identifying what caused the mistake is not enough to prevent it in the future. You need to take steps to prevent that mistake from happening again.

If your goal was to write a novel in six months, you've probably identified a few reasons why you couldn't achieve it - lack of time, insufficient planning, or lack of motivation.

But what can you do to prevent those issues from getting in the way of your goal in the future? In our example, you could scale down the scope of the novel, spend more time planning the story, or set a specific time to write undisturbed.

In summary, failure is not permanent. By accepting failure, analyzing its causes and defining how you can eliminate those causes, you're on your way to achieving your goals.

Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it. Make your mistakes, next year and forever.

Neil Gaiman

An individualized growth/goal plan can help you achieve the vision you have of yourself. It’s something we need to consciously think about and strive toward. If you don’t plan your own development and growth, no one else will.

4 Steps you can take for an easy-to-implement, personalized plan.

1. Know yourself honestly

In order to plan for the future, you have to reflect on your past experiences, your weaknesses and strengths; they’ve made you who you are today. You also have to clarify your own unique values, such as integrity, respect for others, leadership, honesty. Your values define your stance. Moreover, there are several important questions you have to ask yourself:

• What do I want to become in life?

• What are my achievements up until now?

• What are my personal goals?

• What are my career ambitions?

• What steps have I taken to pursue these goals and ambitions?

2. Develop your vision

Once you’ve asked and answered these questions, you’ll have a clear vision of who you are and what you want out of life. This takes us to the second step; developing your vision. How does your new resolution/goal fit into your overall life and personal growth? A smart tip is to provide yourself with several options to reach your next goal.

That way, if something goes wrong or you face an obstacle, you can switch to another path. Be flexible in your planning because life often intervenes in unexpected ways.

Another point people tend to not pay attention to is what they aren’t willing to do. This shares equal importance with what you will do.

3. Assess your present-day situation

Putting your strengths to good use will harness your energy levels so that it’s utilized efficiently. You can set up milestones along the way because smaller goals give you the motivation and drive you need to get to the big ones. And each time you reach a milestone or achieve one of the small goals, reward yourself for your hard work.

4. Review your progress

Each project needs to be reviewed and assessed, and your exclusive growth plan is no different. You can do it on a monthly basis, or every couple of months, whatever feels comfortable for you. But it’s crucial that you take a step back and look at all the hard work you’ve accomplished.

Check to see if you’ve left anything out or missed any deadlines. Maybe the mini-goals you set up no longer fit your criteria any longer, and they need tweaking or readjusting. Reflect on your experience and consider everything you’ve learned. This will ensure that you keep moving forward according with your long-term plan and the vision you’ve set up for yourself.

On a final note, you can draw up the perfect plan but if you don’t follow through, you won’t get anywhere. Everyone needs practice to develop and grow, even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone. Having something to strive toward can renew your self-confidence and that increases your passion for life.

If you know someone who could use this information please share it with them.

How Forgiveness Makes Us Happier and Healthier

We occasionally come face to face with people whom for one reason or another we have not forgiven some trespass of theirs in the past or even worse yet we are the party guilty of something unforgivable. Whether they are family or friends we seldom or no longer speak to it is always an uncomfortable meeting.

Forgiveness Can Restore Your Life

Once you realize that forgiveness doesn’t excuse or condone a transgression. It may be easier to enjoy the benefits of the true meaning of forgiveness.

Whether justice is served with apologies, reparation or other positive actions, forgiveness can lift the burden of anger and resentment and give you back your thoughts.

When you practice forgiveness, you gift yourself with a much deserved freedom, to get on with your life and give the person who wronged you the least amount of thought and time possible.

When you forgive, you’re releasing the burden of what happened from your shoulders. Making the decision to rid your mind of thoughts of revenge and anger. Choosing instead the happy and peaceful memories that lie in the future.

Forgiveness – Getting There

You may want to be able to forgive – to release the anger that’s dominating your thoughts and making your stomach churn – but you don’t know how. Or, perhaps the wrong perpetrated against you was so heinous that forgiveness seems out of the question.

You may be afraid that if you forgive, you’re “giving in.” You need not forget the memory of the transgression nor let the person who perpetrated it back into your life. You’re never obligated to condone the action or display kindness toward the person. That’s not what true forgiveness is.

The best way you can begin to forgive is to practice controlling your thought process. When negative thoughts of revenge and anger first appear, practice booting them out immediately and replace them with positive thoughts – of doing something for yourself.

Others are not always at fault. So don’t continue to beat yourself up if you have acted in a way that has harmed YOU in the past. Let go of what you can’t change. Choose forgiveness for yourself

Spend your energy in positive ways rather than dwelling on past, hurtful instances. Keep in mind that you’re not making the transgression “okay” if you choose not to think about it. You’re trading the harm that the thoughts are causing in your energy and life for a more abundant and happier life.

Forgiveness Shows Character

If you can forgive, you’re way ahead in strength of character. It takes courage and commitment to forgive and not seek revenge for every wrong done against you. Forgiveness is a virtue that deals with temperance – and temperance is the action we take against excess in everything – anger, food, envy and other emotional triggers.

When you forgive, you’re making a conscious effort to live a happier, more active and authentic life that strengthens your character even more because you’ve worked through a major problem to success.

With forgiveness, you must acknowledge the pain perpetrated against you. After you forgive, you’ll soon be aware that you have no more thoughts of revenge and you may not even feel anger for the person who hurt you.

Letting go of negative thoughts certainly doesn’t take away the pain and hurt, but it helps you move it into a category of the “past” so you can get on with your future. The ability to move past the hurts and into the realm of forgiveness is a huge character builder because all the steps you have to take discard the negative portions of your character while replacing them with positive ones.

Get Your Power Back with Forgiveness

When something has happened to shake your trust or belief in another person (especially someone you love), you may feel anger and resentment for a long time. You can reduce the power that the other person has over your feelings and actions by forgiving and letting go of the destructive emotions and the hurt of past transgressions.

These self-destructive emotions and thoughts can cost you dearly in terms of power for yourself. Forgiveness is a tried and true way for victims to reclaim their power and gain power over the person who wronged them. If you don’t choose to forgive, the transgressor retains the power over you.

You may always remember the hurt or tragedy you suffered through the act of another person, but that doesn’t mean that it has to stalk you forever. When you forgive, you get a type of peace and calm without condoning the act or excusing the person who transgressed against you.

Keep in mind that there’s no timeline for forgiveness. It should happen when and only when you’re ready and not when others say you should move on or it would be better for you if you moved on.

How Forgiveness is its Own Revenge

The only way to move beyond what you’ve been through is with authentic forgiveness.

Some stages involved in the process are:

1. Don’t think you can change the past. Wanting a different outcome won’t make it happen. You’re left with the reality of what happened and although you can’t change it, you can let go of that hope and get on with the future.

2. Make a decision that you won’t seek revenge on the other person. When you forgive, you make a conscious decision not to seek justice by yourself. Rather, living your life the best you can will be the best revenge.

3. Move beyond the bitterness. That happens when you actively choose to replace the vindictive and negative thoughts with positive ones. How can you change your life for the better and open yourself up to new relationships? When you figure it out, forgiveness is possible.

4. Mentally end resentment and anger and need for revenge. Your thoughts control your actions and to some degree, your body. Only positive thoughts and a decision to end the negative can get you out of the prison of thoughts of revenge.

 

 Mental, Physical and Spiritual Benefits of Forgiveness

The power of forgiveness has long been touted by religions of the world as a way to reach a higher level of spirituality. During recent decades, the power of forgiveness is also discussed among medical and psychological professionals as a method to let go of anger and resentment and prevent health problems.

The mental benefits of forgiveness may include:

·  Ridding your mind of depression and lifting the anxiety you may feel from anger and resentment.

·  Clarity and focus. You’re better able to cope with reality and the matters at hand when you choose forgiveness over negative thoughts.

·  Protects against long-term stress. Poor mental health is often associated with stress and nothing causes stress like anger and resentment.

The physical benefits of forgiveness may include:

1. Lower blood pressure. Stress and anxiety may cause your blood pressure to soar. Forgiveness is letting go and can calm your nerves and mind.

2. Enjoy a longer and healthier life span. Unconditional forgiveness (not expecting an apology or reparations) is known to help people live longer and fuller lives.

3. Healthier immune system. If your immune system isn’t healthy, it has a much more difficult time fighting off diseases – both mental and physical.

Spiritual benefits of forgiveness may include:

1. Acceptance of others with compassion and understanding. Rather than concentrating on revenge, forgiveness can lead to spirituality.

2. Opens your heart and mind to others. Relationships can be improved with forgiveness.

3. Calm and peacefulness in your life. If you’ve ever experienced full-blown anger, you know how debilitating it can be. It interferes with sleep, physical functions and turns your spirit to hurt and dismay.

The Difference Between Reconciliation and Forgiveness

The act of forgiveness doesn’t always lead to reconciliation and vice versa. One isn’t necessarily dependent on the other. You can forgive without having any thoughts about restoring a relationship, and you can reconcile and “agree to disagree” without forgiving the other person.

You may think that in certain cases (such as with a spouse) you can’t possibly forgive without letting the person back in your life. For example, if your best friend has an affair with your husband, you may let both relationships fall to the wayside.

On the other hand, you can forgive the people involved so that you can get on with your own life. The harm done to your relationship may negate any possibility of reconciliation.

Forgiveness doesn’t require you to interact with the other person involved. Reconciliation does require your involvement and means that you actively engage with the offender.

The process of reconciliation means that you exchange a dialogue with the offender, express how you’ve been hurt and try to reestablish trust by moving past the hurt and anger and establish forgiveness.

One way to think about the difference between reconciliation and forgiveness is that reconciliation is accomplished by an outward process and forgiveness is given from inside with discipline and through a continuous process.

With forgiveness, apologies aren’t necessary, but they do help. Don’t expect participation from the offender when you choose to forgive. Give it freely and with love and acceptance in your heart.

Why it’s Difficult to Forgive

When someone we love and trusted has treated us with disdain the last thing on our minds is forgiveness. Our dreams have been shattered and we usually become angry. Forgiveness isn’t on the horizon.

If you’re infused with anger and resentment toward another person, your thoughts are likely full of negativity and blame. You may also have guilt for how you might have contributed to the situation or think that forgiving is only for the weak.

Being judgmental is also a reason why it’s so hard to forgive another. If you perceive the other person as not appreciating you or all you’ve done for them or the love and trust you’ve put in the relationship, it becomes even more difficult.

You can make the choice to forgive and still not reconcile or accept what they’ve done. But, when your harshness of judging begins to permeate your own life and make you bitter and resentful, forgiveness is that gift you give yourself so you can pick up the pieces and go on in a healthy manner.

Think of a time when you needed forgiveness for something you thoughtlessly did that hurt another person. How did you feel about how the other person reacted to the transgression? What would have made you understand the action you perpetrated better and help you see how hurtful it was?

Chances are, you reacted to the anger of the other person by making up excuses that it wasn’t really your fault. But, if that same person forgave you in a calm manner, it’s more likely you were better able to see the error of your ways and offer a sincere apology to that person.

For more on Forgiveness please check out this post from Mindvalley.

How To Forgive Others And Set Yourself Free

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Using Self-Reflection To Your Advantage

Self-Reflection Can Make You Happier, More Successful, and Produce Inner Growth

Reflection is such a good method for looking at what you have accomplished and how. Personal or working life it doesn’t matter. Most of us have successes and goals met but we also shoulder some disappointment for those things we fell short in doing.

Self-reflection appears to be a dying art. People either feel they don’t have the time or that it’s a waste of time. Others are afraid to take a good, long, hard look at themselves. This is a mistake, because there is so much to be gained by examining yourself and your past.

Self-reflection provides many advantages that can make life easier:

1 | You learn about yourself. Most people are shockingly low in self-awareness. Some people are too busy, or at least they think they are. Others would prefer to distract themselves rather than spend one second in self-reflection.

However, there’s much to be learned by taking a few minutes each day and reviewing your day, the choices you made, the positives and the negatives.

When you know yourself, you can make better plans that utilize your strengths and avoid your weaknesses.

Recognizing your weaknesses and dealing with them is powerful. You can stop shooting yourself in the foot over and over.

2 | You learn from your past. If you look at the biggest mistakes you’ve made over your life, you’ll find they’re surprisingly similar. You may have either spent money you couldn’t afford, got involved with someone you shouldn’t, or made poor decisions to get away from stressful situations.

If you’ve never taken the time to review these mistakes, you’ve repeated them.

Reviewing the past can also help you to identify what works, and then you can advantageously repeat those actions.

3 |Take intelligent, thoughtful action. Many people are very action oriented and avoid “wasting” time on thinking too much. Rather than just jumping in with both feet, it can be incredibly helpful to spend some time thinking and strategizing.

Reflect on what you actually want to accomplish for yourself. Ask yourself a few questions and use the answers wisely.

“Sometimes you have to look back in order to understand the things that lie ahead.”

— Yvonne Woon

Graham Gibbs is an academic who studies self-reflection. He developed a six-step process to aid in self-reflection. This process can be used as a guide to help you get into the swing of things.

Use Mr. Gibbs’ process to examine your past and present: 

1. What happened? This is simple enough. Describe the event to yourself. “I dropped out of college.”
   

2. What was I thinking and feeling? What were you thinking at the time? What did you think afterwards? “I was stressed and failing. I felt a sense of relief when I first dropped out, but then I felt a sense of dread and felt lost.”
   

3. What was good or bad about the experience? “I gained free time and my stress was relieved. But, now I don’t have a plan for my future and my job prospects are much more limited.”
   

4. How does this affect the various parts of my life? What does it say about me? “My personal and career development is stifled. My significant other is upset with me and threatening to leave. My parents kicked me out of the house and told me to find a job. This suggests that I am impulsive and handle stress poorly.”
   

5. What else could I have done? “Talked to a friend. Spoken to my professors. Sought professional help. Learned meditation or yoga. Lightened my course load.”
   

6. If this happened again, how would I handle it? “I would consider the long-term implications instead of just the short. I would get the help I need. I wouldn’t consider quitting to be a viable option.”

Although thinking about the past means looking back, there is value in it for moving your path forward. Reflection produces growth that makes each forward step more informed.

At the end of each day, or at least once a week, reflect on your experiences. When you stop to assess your response to things, you will learn valuable details about yourself. Consider the impact of your actions and take away lessons on how to act in the future.

You grow spiritually when you focus on the wellness of your soul. Spending time meditating on past highs and lows connects you to your true inner self.

Your growth as a friend and loved one is evident when you take time to recall others’ observations of you. The perspective of the special people in your life is valuable to your development. These are the people who walk hand in hand with you along the road of life.

When another birthday rolls around, compare your current self to your former self. Take some time to assess your evolution and identify any newfound strengths. It is exciting to see that growth from year to year.

Self-reflection is a useful tool that’s free to learn and apply. Imagine being able to leverage your strengths, minimize your weaknesses, and avoid repeating your mistakes.

You can make good use of those painful events from your past. Spend a few minutes each day and apply a little self-reflection. You’ll be happy with the results.

If you haven’t spent much time on reflection, the time is perfect right now. You still have time to really dig into how this year was for you. The good and the not so good. Now is the time to put these suggestions to work. See if identifying your strengths and using a rinse and repeat method for those actions, will move you toward your personal and professional goals in the coming New Year.

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