Fighting Fair for Couples

It takes time and understanding to manage a loving relationship. Regardless of how much we love each other and work at our romantic relationship, there are bound to be difficulties that lead to arguments. This can be more evident for Seniors who spend a larger amount of time in one another’s company without the buffer of jobs or the raising of a family.

We are two very different people trying to live one life together, after all. When fights do occur, don’t let them descend into a free-for-all. Just like every other “game” in life, there are rules to fighting that everyone in love should abide by if they want to maintain their happy relationship.

We all have to face up to the fact that we will have to begin conversations about touchy subjects throughout life. We may try to put them off for as long as possible because we don’t want to deal with them, but eventually, to keep the relationship healthy, we must.

As the years fly by we often take one another for granted. So, we become careless or neglectful of our partner’s feelings. We often sabotage or damage our partnership without realizing it until later. For some it can be too late.

These nine tips are designed to help couples fight fairly

Choose your timing carefully

It may never feel like the exact right time because you know it’s going to be a difficult conversation to have. Don’t pounce on your partner unexpectedly wanting them to change a long held pattern of behavior. Especially if this is something they have done for years and you are just now addressing this issue.

It can take real self-discipline to hold your tongue when you want to get something worked out right away. It’s better to schedule your conversation for a time when you are both relaxed and feeling well. When both of you are in a good frame of mind to discuss a difficult subject the conversation can end up not as challenging as you expected. If we blurt out our grievance without taking into consideration the mental state of the other person, or have given them no previous warning, we inevitably make the argument much larger than it needs to be.

Use “I” language

We’ve all heard this, but it bears repeating. The other person is immediately on the defensive when a sentence starts with “You do ___ and I don’t like it….”  It’s just human nature because it feels like we are being attacked. But keep in mind that no one can make us feel anything - only we ourselves can do that. So, switch your “you dos” to “I’s.” Say something like, “I feel ___ when you do ___.” It’s not just semantics - to show that you are in control of your feelings. You are focusing on the feelings instead of the behavior you don’t like. This allows the other person feel safe enough to let down their guard and discuss the situation rationally, instead of feeling blamed.

Focus on the now

It’s so easy to get all worked up and start pulling out grievances from months or years past. Most people tend to argue about the same type of issue over and over. For example, money and household responsibilities issues are common, even in the most loving relationships. Take care to avoid bringing up the past. And, if one of these slips out, apologize and come back to the current issue. (Note: if certain past issues continue to rear their ugly heads, it’s likely you have never truly resolved them.)

“At the end of the day, you can either focus on what’s tearing you apart or what’s keeping you together.”  - Anonymous

Never say never

This connects with the tip above. When you start throwing around words like always and never which are all encompassing, you know you are in dangerous territory. It’s usually an overstatement that simply escalates the fighting and does not accomplish anything or rectify the situation.

Discounting their feelings

We do this when we argue about the way they say they feel. Things like, “You shouldn’t feel that way because I didn’t mean it like that.” or getting angry when they share their feelings, even in a non-accusatory way can make the other person feel like their feelings don’t matter to you. Feelings are real. Obviously, you can’t maintain a firm connection with another person when they think their feelings are unimportant to you. Our feelings are our reality, and everyone’s reality is different because the way we experience things is different. Take care to avoid making your loved one believe they are wrong for having the experience that they are.

Believing one of you is right and the other is wrong

We live in a world of dichotomies. If something is wrong, something else must be right. But just as we explained above, everyone experiences the same situations differently based on our upbringing and background. These things shape the way we view situations. Many times, no one is right or wrong. We just need to come together long enough to understand that we don’t see things the same way and that there is nothing wrong in that. We can still have a strong committed relationship despite our differing views of reality.

Keep your feelings in check

Allow enough time to have passed so that you aren’t as emotional or angry as you originally were. When we bring a heavy dose of emotion into a difficult situation, it only amplifies everything - the words, thoughts, and feelings of everyone involved. The wrong words or a strong tone of voice can feel like an attack Before you bring up the topic, make sure that you can discuss it as objectively as possible. It will make the whole thing go more smoothly.

Listen without thinking

When it’s the other person’s turn to explain their side of the story or version of the situation, keep your thoughts clear. Really hear what they are saying to you. To do that, you must refrain from thinking about how you will respond when they are finished. We do this frequently in all types of conversations, and we should do our best to avoid it. But it’s never more important than when we are having a difficult conversation with someone we care about.

Understand that conflict happens

Even in the closest, most loving relationships, conflict is going to occur sometimes. If you have built a strong, healthy relationship with the other person, don’t let your fears of losing them run away with you. Strong relationships can tolerate the occasional argument or uncomfortable talk. It’s much better than the alternative, which is to bottle up anger and hurt, which results in a build-up of resentment. And we all know what happens when things build to a boiling point, they explode. Don’t let your loving relationship be swept away in that explosion.

For more information about what to expect if you Divorce After 20 Years of Marriage or More take a look at this post from the Equitable Mediation Services blog.

If you know anyone who could benefit from this information, please share this post with them.

Tips For Developing Your Daily Optimism

 Negative Thoughts Sap Your Optimism

Despite your best intentions, it’s not always easy to take an optimistic view of life. Negative thinking can creep into your mind, and before you realize it, your mindset is sabotaging you.

1.     Comparing your life with others

Try to avoid comparing your life and achievements with other people. Your life has a value of its own. You can be sure that if you envy your friends or colleagues weddings, PhDs, babies, or luxury holidays, other people envy your accomplishments too.

2.     Having negative self-worth

Do a quick review of your self-talk. Chances are there will be quite a few negatives in there. Practice catching yourself the next time you start thinking badly of yourself. You can do without that kind of self-sabotage!

3.     Thinking you don’t have time

We all get the same amount of time. Twenty-four/seven is the maximum, so make sure you use your time to do the things you want to do, as well the things you must do. If you have a pet project or skill you want to learn, then prioritize it in your schedule.

4.     Underestimating yourself

You can do pretty much whatever you want. Deciding that you can’t do something before you even try is de-energizing and demotivating. What is your secret, passionate goal? What do you need to do to get there?  

5.     Using delaying tactics

There are a whole bunch of sneaky delaying tactics that on the surface appear to be good sense. Saving a certain amount of money, or losing weight before you try a new project, is just another way of saying you can’t do it now.

6 Ways to Cultivate Optimism Each Day

You might be surprised to hear that optimism is not an innate quality. Optimism and pessimism are ways of looking at yourself and the world through a positive or negative filter.  Once you think of them as reflections of your mindset, it becomes much easier to believe you can change. Like any new behavior, you need to practice every day for it to become a habit.  

1.     Keep a journal

Journaling or keeping a diary allows you to process events and to get a different perspective on them. It encourages self-reflection and captures insights into your thinking and behavior. You can write down what happened during your day and document, not just the bald facts but how you did it, what you did to make it happen and what you did right. And, importantly, how it felt while you were doing it. Don’t just record the good things (a promotion, a presentation or meeting that went well), remember to write down the thing that didn’t go so well and reflect on what happened, how you dealt with it, and what you might do differently next time.

2.     Laugh

Consciously notice the funny side of things and write them down. If the technology didn’t work, and you had to give the presentation without the slide deck, or the power went out, or there was a fire drill in the middle of your crucial meeting. What can seem like a disaster at the time can also be looked back on as a comedy of errors.

3.     Write to your future

Write a letter or a journal entry that sets out the future you want. What job are you doing? Are you running your own business? What have you learned? What has changed? Imagining how your future life looks and feels can be a powerful motivator.

4.     Keep a kindness list

Have a page in your journal where you note down kind gestures. Write down when you are kind to someone, or when someone is kind to you. Even little things count, like opening a door for someone or letting them go first in the line for coffee. You’ll be surprised at how quickly they mount up, and your ever-lengthening list will give you a different perspective on things.

5.     Say thank you

Write a letter or email, phone or visit someone (a person outside your family) who has been genuinely kind to you. Tell them how much you appreciate what they did or said and how it has affected your life.

6.     Choose positivity

Make the positive choice to develop and maintain an optimistic outlook. Do this every morning when you wake up. Decide that today is going to be a great day. Everyone will have some level of suffering in their life. Choosing to be optimistic will make it easier to bounce back from the bad times and to enjoy and be certain of the good times.

“Optimism doesn’t wait on facts. It deals with prospects.”

— Norman Cousins

5 Benefits of Daily Optimism

There is increasing evidence that being optimistic about life has measurable benefits, not just for your mental health, but your physical well-being too. Scientific studies have shown that as you become more optimistic, your life will improve in all sorts of ways. You’re even likely to have a longer life, just from being more hopeful and positive.

1.     Optimists are healthier

Optimists not only rate their own health and well-being as better, but studies have also shown that optimists have better mental and physical health than pessimists. In a study of the effects of positive psychological well-being, optimism was found to be the biggest predictor of improved heart health. Optimists also have lower blood pressure and cholesterol and a lower risk of developing heart disease.

2.     Optimists live longer

A study by the University of Pittsburgh found that of the 100,000 women studied over eight years, optimists were less likely to die from any cause than women with a more pessimistic outlook.  That was confirmed by a later Harvard study that showed the women who had a positive outlook had a much lower risk (nearly 30% less) of dying from serious illnesses.

3.     Optimists are happier

It might seem obvious that an optimist would be happier than a pessimist. But, it has been shown that optimists are not just sunnier in their dispositions, but they are measurably happier in their relationships, jobs, and life in general. They deal better with stress, are more resilient in bad times, and produce less cortisol, the stress hormone that leads to inflammation and a lowered immune system.

4.     Optimists have smoother career paths

Researchers from Duke University found that the optimistic MBA graduates they studied were more likely to find a job, earn a higher starting salary, and have more frequent promotions than the pessimists in the group. Optimists also deal better with negative feedback, seeing it as an opportunity to improve and increase their chance of promotion in the future.

5.     Optimists roll with the punches

Life’s adversities do not crush an optimist; they remain hopeful about the future. Optimism helps you deal with whatever limiting beliefs you have developed and shows you a way out. Being positive about life’s possibilities means you focus on what you can do. It boosts your confidence and makes you more likely to look for constructive solutions. It stops you feeling stuck or at the mercy of other people. If you’re optimistic, you know you can do it!

4 Tips to Develop Daily Optimism

Optimism is a learned skill like any other skill or habit you want to develop. Having an optimistic attitude of yourself, of life and the world can have a huge impact on your mental well-being and resilience, even boosting your immune system and lowering your blood pressure. Studies have shown that optimists have better career prospects and live longer happier lives. 

1.     Identify as an optimist

Self-talk is powerful! Start telling people you’re an optimist, and you’ll soon begin to believe it, and forget you were ever even slightly pessimistic. It never hurts to Act How You Want to Feel.

2.     Accentuate the positives

Notice and acknowledge the positive things around you. Small things like having good food, clean water, and being able to read this article for example. A good exercise is to list ten things you’re grateful for every day – they don’t have to be big things, jot down whatever comes to mind.  

3.     Shift your focus

Optimism is dynamic and forward-looking. Develop a more optimistic outlook by moving on from the past and instead enjoy the present and actively look forward to the future. Optimists also don’t spend much time dwelling on whatever not-so-good things are in their lives. They acknowledge that bad things happen to everyone, and when bad things do happen, it’s not necessarily their fault. Bad times come, and bad times go, it can’t rain forever. And, good times usually happen just as often.

4.     Don’t get hung up on one outcome

Putting all your eggs in one basket is risky, and it’s highly likely you will be disappointed. It’s also harder to pick up and move on if things don’t work out. An optimist will be flexible about outcomes and see that there are many different ones.

If you liked this post please be kind to your friends and share it.

I have a free report for you on my shop page: How Optimism Improves Your Life

This is What Scientists Say About Mindfulness and Optimism

You’ve probably heard or read a lot about mindfulness lately. Mindfulness is a way of living your life consciously, being aware of what you’re doing and why and why you should be more present in the moment. To live mindfully is an aspect of creating an optimistic view of yourself and the world. Mindfulness and optimism are connected but not the same.

Scientists agree that your mindset and whether you tend to be pessimistic or optimistic is something you can change. Only about 25% of optimism is inheritable, with the rest influenced by the environment where you grew up. And if your home environment was dysfunctional or tense, you are more likely to develop a pessimistic mindset. But it is not an innate part of you, and you can change it. Once you realize that you are not hard-wired for pessimistic thinking, it becomes easier to allow yourself to make that change.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

— Winston Spencer Churchill

Mindset is something that’s relatively easy to change. When you can step back and see how your mind was programmed, you then have the ability to take back control and hit the reset. Research has shown that there’s a part of your brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) that acts as a kind of control center and filters information from the outside world according to your current settings. And if you tune into to negativity, that’s what you will receive. But just as you can adjust your email to prioritize and filter messages, you can reset your RAS to help increase your optimism and filter out negativity. What you are doing in essence is training your brain to notice what YOU want it to notice. And practicing mindfulness can help you do just that.

For more information on mindfulness take a look at one of my previous posts.

10 Best Reasons For You To Become Mindful

Mindfulness and meditation are complementary techniques that will help you build a strong basis for optimism. Studies have shown that mindfulness practices can help you:

Remain in the present

Negativity is often fostered by brooding on past events and wishing you had done things differently. Mindfulness focuses your attention on what’s happening in the here and now. An optimistic view of the world stays in the present and looks forward to a bright future.

Re-framing

Mindfulness gives you the mental space to be able to re-frame problems as challenges and opportunities. You have a choice about how you want to react to the circumstances you find yourself in now. Choosing to be optimistic will help you solve those problems and find creative solutions as well as not be overwhelmed by them.

Healthy Improvement

Optimism and mindfulness have been scientifically proven to improve your health! People who practice mindfulness and who have an optimistic approach to life have:

·        lower cholesterol

·        lower blood pressure

·        stronger immune systems

·        better resilience to deal with stress

·        less anxiety and depression

·        more positive relationships

·        improved focus

Begin Your New Career No Schooling Necessary

Some retirees think that going back to school to learn something new is the only answer to beginning a new career. That’s no longer true. Unless you have a driving passion and an overwhelming desire to spend time in a classroom, you can begin an online career right away.

You’ll make the leap from having a boss and a 9 to 5 schedule to being your own boss and setting your own hours. After many years at a job, that’s commonly what retirees long for most. If you don’t have a degree – don’t worry. You don’t need one.

What you will need is your knowledge and experience that you’ve garnered over time and a passion for something you can turn into an online business. You won’t need a large amount of startup cash.

In fact, establishing an online business can be started on a shoestring budget and embellished and expanded later when you’re making money. Many retirees begin their new online careers by setting up a blog.

A blog is based on a subject you know well and have had some experience in. It could be based on the hobby that you love or your travels. Travel blogs are very popular with retirees who always wanted to travel, but never had the time or money.

You can share your travel experiences with others who love to travel on your blog. You’ll write short articles about what you’ve experienced and offer tips and advice on the areas you visit, where to stay, or even what and how to pack.

Be sure that you write about relevant subjects that are truly helpful and real. You’ll build an audience of followers that are anxious to read your blogs to see what exciting adventures you’re off to now.

“You don’t need to be a genius or a visionary, or even a college graduate for that matter, to be successful. You just need a framework and a dream.”

— Michael Dell

You can even go as far out as to have a blog about potty-training puppies. It seems that almost every family (and individuals) has at least one dog in their house and if you have some tips up your sleeve about dogs, they’ll read your blogs.

When you begin to get an audience for your blog, you’ll want to look in to setting up links to products offered by other bloggers that will enhance what you offer. These will be your affiliate links and you will set up links to their websites.

Your followers who click on the links in your blog can purchase products that you recommend – and you get a commission each time they buy. When you have products to purchase, those affiliates might link to your site and send their website traffic your way.

Make sure you like the products you’re recommending or you’ll lose your audience’s trust. So if you have an interest or passion that has followed you throughout your life (and career), look at starting an online business that will give you an outlet for doing what you love while providing an extra income.

Not everyone is cut out for additional schooling. As a retiree, you can use the knowledge and experiences you’ve gained over the years to start another career – and this time, be your own boss.

For additional information I suggest you check out Melyssa Griffin’s blog post:

How + Why You Should think Beyond Your Blog If You Want To Monetize Your Site

Don't Be Beaten By Your Doubtful Mindset

You’re approaching retirement at breakneck speed. Where have the years gone? You’ve been told this is supposed to be your time, so why aren’t you looking forward to it? What will you do now to fill a few hours and keep your mind sharp?

Plagued by Self-Doubt

Seniors near to or well in to their retirement years are sometimes plagued with self-doubt. It’s not difficult to be mired in doubt when you see that you’re being replaced by incredibly young and inexperienced workers.

Age Discrimination

Many career paths have become discriminatory and have developed an ageism mindset. Fortunately, retirees no longer need worry about getting another job where that mindset is common. The internet offers a new way for you to succeed.

Retirement Income

Retirees have many things to worry about. Most are all too aware that their retirement income won’t be enough to pay all the bills – so a job isn’t a luxury – it’s a necessity. More and more retirees are finding that setting up an online business can free them from that worry.

Technology

Some of you may believe that the technological aspects will have you beaten from the outset. This is untrue. With most things on the internet being point and click it’s become very simple for anyone to have an online business.

Learning the Steps

There are hundreds of technological tutorials that can walk you through each and every thing you need to know about setting up, establishing, and making money with your own online business.

Experience or Hobby

In the world of internet businesses, you can establish another career path built on your experience – or perhaps the hobby you’ve enjoyed for years and have become proficient in – like traveling or gardening.

“You are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream.”

— C.S. Lewis

Confidence

After you decide how you want your online business to represent you, you can begin with confidence rather than worrying about whether you have the skills and knowledge to compete.

Business Set Up

Best of all, setting up an online business won’t eat into your retirement nest egg. It takes a very small amount of cash for you to set up an online business initially. Many retirees actually set up their businesses before they retire.

No Leases

This gives you a chance to have your business up and running and even making money before the day comes when you can no longer depend on a paycheck that covers all of your expenses. There’s no expense for leasing a business space or office because your office is your laptop.

Set Your Own Hours

Your office can be wherever there’s an internet connection – sitting on your patio or in a small café in Paris. Set your own hours and take it easy for a change. Sleep in when you choose or visit your grandchildren for a while.

Learn From the Best

You’ll find there are mountains of information tutorials out there. Just make sure that you learn from the best and most successful online marketers. There’s a lot of false or misleading information, so take your time – play around with it – and set your business up properly.

To Your Success

If you’re looking at retirement in a few months or years, take some time to dream and transform your life during the retirement years by starting your own online business and becoming your own boss. Don’t doubt your future success – you can do it.

Here are 27 Easy to Start Online Business Ideas to get you thinking.

5 Naturally Antibiotic Foods That Fight Infectious Bacteria

Antibiotics generally refer to pharmaceutical antimicrobials that are originally designed to fight and kill disease-causing bacteria. Unfortunately, synthetic antibiotics can kill both the good and bad bacteria present in the body. In turn, the living microflora that helps strengthen the immune system can become depleted.

Also, the days of doctors prescribing antibiotics as readily as they once did are long gone. This is because studies increasingly show that over-use of pharmaceutical antibiotics is allowing the target pathogens to develop resistance to the antibiotics.

There is a real concern that this could lead to the development of ‘super-bugs’ that are impervious to any presently known antibiotic, which potentially could result in outbreaks of infections for which there is no remedy.

To alleviate these problems, incorporating foods and herbs that have antibiotic properties into your daily diet can prove to be extremely helpful.

“Ounce for ounce, herbs and spices have more antioxidants than any other food group.”

— Michael Gregar

Although this does not eliminate the need to take antibiotics prescribed by your doctor, if and when required, eating foods with antibiotic properties will help ensure that your body will be able to fight infectious bacteria on its own.

These antibiotic food and herb sources will assist in building up your body’s immunity and thereby reduce the need to take synthetic antibiotics for any minor health problems that might arise.

Garlic

Garlic has antibacterial and antiviral properties which have been used for centuries in treating both minor and major illnesses. Garlic contains sulfur compounds which are commonly used as key elements in antibiotics.

You can use garlic to help fight flu, colds, and bronchitis. You may eat 2-6 cloves of raw garlic every day. However, if you find it hard to ingest raw garlic cloves, you can purchase garlic capsules and take them with meals.

For topical applications, you can use the juice from the crushed garlic, or pierce one garlic capsule, and apply it topically to the affected area.

Note: Garlic also has anti-parasitic properties. Mix garlic powder or oil into your pet’s food for a natural flea repellent.

Oregano

Oregano oil has antibacterial, antimicrobial, and antiviral properties. You can use it to treat wounds, respiratory difficulties, digestive problems, as well as the common cold.

It is loaded with antioxidants. So as it heals it also boosts your immune system.

Oregano oil can be taken internally, applied externally, or placed in a diffuser to clear your sinus passages.

Echinacea

Echinacea tea is commonly used to ease the symptoms of the common cold. This herb is a known infection-buster, as it helps improve an individual’s defense system in the fight against bacteria. Echinacea can help boost the immune system.

However, it should not be used on a continuous or long-term basis. The recommended dosage is 3 to 15 drops of Echinacea liquid extract mixed in water, three times a day. For cases of acute infection, Echinacea liquid extract can be taken every two hours.

Honey

Before synthetic antibiotics were even developed, honey was commonly used as an antibacterial treatment in almost all cultures around the world. Honey contains enzymes that have the ability to prevent the growth of bacteria.

Those who practice Chinese medicine believe that honey is capable of harmonizing the liver and in neutralizing toxins. Honey is used for many health issues including relieving painful wounds and stomach ulcers.

Research reveals that honey derived from the Manuka flower helps prevent the Streptococcus pyogenes from hindering the wound healing process.

Cabbage

Cabbage contains cancer-fighting sulfur compounds, and just like many other fruits and vegetables, cabbage contains vitamin C which is a natural antibiotic.

Cabbage juice is popularly used for treating stomach ulcers. If you have a stomach ulcer, drinking one-half cup of fresh cabbage juice up to three times a day for two consecutive weeks will help improve your symptoms.

For more information read the following articles.

Infection-Fighting Herbs

Antibacterial and Anti-fungal Activities Of Spices

By adding these foods and herbs into your arsenal of natural antibiotics you can be prepared to fight any minor ailments that may crop up. However, as always consult your doctor first. Don’t go self-diagnosing or administering natural antibiotics, especially if you are pregnant or have any preexisting medical conditions that would exclude the use of any of these foods or herbs.

Create A Better Mood For Yourself

How is it you wake up some mornings feeling light and marvelous as if the world is your oyster and others as if a heavy dark cloud sits over your head making you want to bite people’s heads off? Why did you go to bed feeling one way and wake up feeling differently?

From early childhood, you understand that you have different feelings. Sometimes you will be in a good mood and other times you won’t. Flip-flop those moods frequently and you get labeled as a moody child. Do you really want to be that person? Why don’t people improve their mood? Is it because parents and teachers told us it’s just the way it is?

Changing How You Feel

Is it possible to create a better mood for yourself and feel better? Absolutely. Can you do the same for others? Sometimes, yes. If it is possible, why isn’t everyone always happy? It seems being happy is preferable to being in a bad mood.

Studies have shown it is possible to improve your mood. It can be as simple as thinking you're in a good mood. If you believe it, your attitude will change. In fact, even when you aren’t in a good mood, the simple act of smiling can perk you up. Act how you want to feel. That smile plus a cheery hello can then lift someone else’s mood. And when they return your smile and greeting it reinforces your own good mood. Before you know it your good mood is spreading like ripples in a pond.

Choose Positive People

If you want to better your mood, start hanging out with upbeat people. There’s nothing like a sourpuss to bring down a group. These cranky people seem to go out of their way to make sure everyone is as miserable as they are. By avoiding these people, you have less chance of being in a bad mood at the start.

Next, create an environment for yourself that lifts your spirits. If a certain type of music gets you pumped, play that music more often. Some people like to burn incense as they feel it can positively alter their moods.

Practice Gratitude

You should reflect on your life and be grateful for what you have. You have a lot to be thankful for if you're in good health. If your family is in good health, you should also be grateful. Your mood will naturally increase towards the positive when you appreciate such things.

Try not to worry about the mundane issues in your life. They are going to happen whether you worry or not. Just take care of them so that they aren’t hanging over your head. Don’t let things build to the point that they become a major matter.

Do What Makes You Happy

It may seem obvious, but do more things that make you happy and less that don’t. It’s not always possible to avoid adverse situations, but you don’t have to allow them to bring your mood down. After all, you control most of the activities in your life.

Sometimes, all that is needed is to change up your routine. If you are doing the same activities day in and day out, this can make anyone feel in a bad mood. Try stepping up your game and do something fun and out of the ordinary. In fact, make it a point to do this at least once every month.

Do You Need To Change Your Attitude

Change Your Attitude

Life hasn’t gone the way you had hoped. You don’t have the sorts of relationships you feel you deserve. You feel stuck in your same dead-end job, in a career you thought had some promise. But nothing has turned out as planned. You believe it just isn’t in your cards to have your dream life. However, what could be the problem is not having the right kind of attitude. You may want to explore changing your attitude and see if that doesn’t result in the improvements you seek for the life that you want.

The first step is to figure out if your attitude could use some adjusting. Do you find people trying to avoid you? Do you have a negative, defeatist, or spoiled attitude? Do you find that you get set off by the smallest incidents? You may have just ignored what people have told you about your having a bad attitude.

Don’t Take the Blame for Everything

The next time you are involved in some incident that goes bad, ask yourself this question. Is this something that was my responsibility? Go through the scenario from the perspective of an outsider observing you. Was there anything you could have done differently that would have changed the result? Think back to what you said or did and see if you were the one responsible.

“A quick temper will make a fool of you”

— Bruce Lee

You shouldn’t take the blame for everything. If you reach within and discover that others were responsible, then hold them to it. Be honest with this assessment. Just make sure that you have ruled out yourself as the culprit before doing this. If there are some gray areas, be the better person, and be willing to give in a bit.

Accept Both Good and Bad

When you go through this exercise, you will find you are in the wrong more often than you realized. Frequently you tell yourself how things would be better if only “they” would change. Remember there is no use to carp and complain about the attitudes of others. You cannot control this and cannot change them. Once you understand this, you can take the steps necessary to make appropriate changes in yourself. 

Don’t focus solely on the negative parts of your life. Accept both the good and bad. Be proud of all the positive accomplishments in your life and expand on their scope. But be willing to work diligently on changing the negative ones.

Readjust Your Thinking

Changing your attitude is a process. As such, it will take some time to readjust your thinking. You identify that you are not always right and continuously try to do what is necessary to avoid those activities again. When you do avoid them in the future, make sure you recognize that as an achievement as this is an important piece of the process.

Expect that others will recognize your changes when you commit to making them. Your attitude will transform for the better just by going through the process described. You will live a happier more fulfilled life. You will make new friends much more easily, and your present relationships both at home or on the job will be more rewarding.  

For additional tips on how to change your attitude check out this post by Michael Hyatt How a Shift in Your Vocabulary Can Instantly Change Your Attitude