Being More Supportive To Your Friends

Daily life is full of struggles, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of only thinking about yourself. Consequently, it can be difficult to know how to support your friends. And frankly, there is no one way for you to support all your friends. However, empathizing with and supporting a friend in their time of need is crucial to a healthy relationship. The support you should show to your friends will vary widely on their personality and their unique situation. 

Having good friends is one of the most important things in life. After all, friends are the people who will be there for you when you need them, and who will help you celebrate your successes. But being a good friend isn’t always easy. It can be difficult to be objective about a friend’s problems and it takes work to maintain a strong friendship. But supporting them through tough times strengthens your friendship and creates a more meaningful connection.

Here are a few ways to be a better and more supportive friend.

Make time for them.

As humans grow and change, they tend to have less and less time for their friends. This is why, one of the most important things you can do for your friends is to make time for them. Be there for them when they need you, and simply be present When you make time for your friends, you are showing them that you care about them and that you want to support them.

It can be difficult to make time for your friends when you have a lot going on in your own life. This doesn’t mean you must clear your calendar. Instead, you can invite friends along to certain activities or cancel that one thing you don’t need to do so you and a friend can grab a coffee after work.

Your friends are there for you when you need them, so you must support them in return. If you are feeling overwhelmed, reach out to your friends. Let them know what is happening in your life and how they can help you. They will appreciate knowing that you trust them enough to confide in them.

Be a better listener.

You’ve heard it time and time again: if you want to be a more supportive friend, one of the best things you can do is to be a better listener. It can be easy to want to offer advice or jump in with your opinion when your friends are sharing something. But listening is truly the best way to support anyone who may be in your life. Hearing what your friend is saying - and not just waiting for your turn to speak - can make them feel heard and understood.

Humans need to let go of their emotions through communication. Sometimes, the ability to share what’s going on without being judged can be an enormous relief. And sometimes, your listening is enough to make the person who is venting feel supported in their endeavors. It also shows that you value their thoughts and experiences.

If you’re unsure how to be a better listener, here are a few things you can try:

1. Make eye contact and focus on the person who is talking.

2. Put away distractions like your phone or the TV.

3. Try to resist the urge to interrupt or interject.

4. Ask questions to show you’re interested and engaged in the conversation.

5. Repeat what your friend has said to show you’ve understood them.

6. Avoid advising unless your friend asks for it.

7. Just be present and let your friend know you support them.

Cheer your friends up or cheer them on.

Whatever your friends may be pursuing, if they confide in you that they need your help, now is the time for you to step up. You can cheer them up or cheer them on. Sometimes your friends feel disappointed with the lack of forward momentum in a goal. You could cheer them up by reminding them of how far they have come.

Maybe they are tired and don’t want to go to the gym today. Here is your chance to take a practical approach to cheer them on. You could encourage them by offering to go with them, so they don’t miss a session or help remind them of the goal they made. And afterward, you may be surprised at how far a simple “good job” can go!

So, try to be upbeat around your friends. This may help them to see the good in their situation and feel more hopeful.

Celebrate your friends’ achievements.

Your friends will have good days and bad days. As important as it is to be there for them when they're feeling down, it's just as important to celebrate their achievements with them. And if they conquer a big goal, you should try and offer to celebrate with them! After all, true friends are ecstatic when their friends mark big steps in life!

Here are four ways you can show your support for your friends' accomplishments.

• Firstly, take an interest in what they're doing. If they're excited about something, ask them about it. Showing a genuine interest in their lives will make them feel appreciated and valued.

• Secondly, congratulate them graciously. A heartfelt "well done" can mean a lot, especially when it's coming from a friend.

• Thirdly, offer your help. If they've achieved something big, they might need a hand getting everything sorted out. Let them know you're there for them.

• Finally, just enjoy their company. Sometimes, the best way to show you care is to simply spend time with them. Whether you're celebrating their success or simply enjoying a cup of coffee together, quality time is always appreciated.

Offer your shoulder in tough times.

A | There's nothing like having a best friend - someone you can share your deepest secrets with, laugh with until you cry, and rely on during tough times. If you want to be the friend they can count on, here are a few things you can do:

B | Make them laugh: Sometimes, the best medicine is laughter. If your friend is feeling down, make them laugh with your silly jokes or funny stories.

C | Accept them for who they are: Your friend is going to have good days and bad days. Accept them for who they are and love them no matter what.

D | Help them out if you are able: If your friend is dealing with a practical problem, do what you can to help them out. For example, if they are having car trouble, see if you can help them fix it, give them a ride, or run errands for them.

E | Offer advice only if asked: If your friend comes to you for advice, try to be helpful. Be honest with them, in any friendship, honesty is key. Offer them your honest opinion and help them brainstorm solutions to their problem.

F | Help them find help: If your friends are struggling, encourage them to get help. This could be from a professional, such as a therapist, or a support group. Sometimes just talking to someone who understands can make a huge difference.

G | If you want to be a good friend, one of the best things you can do is be a shoulder to cry on. This means being there for your friend when they need to vent and offering a comforting ear and shoulder to cry on. It can be difficult to see a friend in pain, but being there for them can make all the difference. Just be sure to respect your friend’s wishes and you’ll be giving them the best support possible.

By following these tips, you can be the friend they can always count on- no matter what.

My final thoughts are.

Being more supportive of your friends is a great way to show them you care. It can make a big difference in their lives, and it can also make yours more fulfilling. So next time your friend is struggling, offer to lend an ear and just be there for them. Let them know how much you appreciate them and show them how much they mean to you.

I hope you enjoyed this post, and thank you for reading it.

For more information, check out these posts.

8 Ways To Really Help A Friend In Need.

Five Ways To Improve Your Listening Skills.

Mindfulness And Presence Techniques For Beginners

Gram’s Wisdom 51 Stop, look and listen.

Though the terms were foreign to her, my Gram practiced mindfulness and presence every day of her life. She called what she did focusing on the here and now. When I was young, she explained to me that I should stop and look at how much beauty there is to see everywhere in every season. And stop to listen to the hum of bees, water rushing over rocks, or the songs of birds. 

Many were the times when she would light a scented candle, and we would prepare a pot of tea together in the evening. Sometimes we would talk quietly and listen to hear what the other had said. At other times we would listen to music that we both loved or just sit in companionable silence.

In the early hours of the morning, Gram and I would sit together on the porch listening to the birds sing and watching the sunrise. She would tell me what she was grateful for. And I was absorbing a mindfulness practice that had no name but has grounded me and carried me every day of my life. Thanks, Gram.

The central ideas of mindfulness and presence.

Mindfulness and presence are two central ideas today. With the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it can be difficult to find time to focus on the present moment. However, mindfulness and presence techniques can help to bring tranquility and focus into your life.

Presence and mindfulness are not only important for your mental health, but they can also help you to be more productive and efficient in your life. When you’re present, you can focus on what is in front of you and not be distracted by your thoughts. When you’re mindful, you can be aware of your thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them or judging them.

Various mindfulness practices are easy and accessible to new practitioners. Try implementing some of the techniques below and see how quickly you can get a grasp on your thoughts and shift them to an inspiring mindset.

Breathe.

One way to practice mindfulness is easily accessible at any time - breathing. Focusing on the breath is a great way to calm the mind. And provide a tranquil environment in which the mind can slow down and allow for curiosity and creativity. Breathing deeply brings calm to the mind and the body and adds fresh oxygen to our brain which allows new thoughts to develop. Breathing brings the body to calmness and regulates the nervous system.

One breathing technique is to focus on your inhales and exhales, counting each one as you breathe. You can also focus on the feeling of your breath as it moves in and out of your body. Another breathing technique is to imagine your breath as a wave, flowing in and out of your body. You can also bring your awareness to your body and how it feels to be breathing. If you notice tension in your body, you can focus on relaxing the muscles.
 

“Eternity belongs to those who live in the present.”

— LUDWIG WITTGENSTEIN

Drink tea.

One way to bring mindfulness to the moment is to drink tea with a calm and peaceful quietude. When we drink tea, we can also take deep breaths and take breaks in between sips to allow spaciousness in the mind. This is a simple task, but the key is to be present in the moment and pay attention to the act of drinking tea.

Take a few deep breaths and focus your attention on the act of organizing the tea. Which do you prefer a mug or teacup and saucer? In what form do you like your tea a tea bag or loose-leaf tea don’t forget the tea ball. As you prepare the tea, listen to the sound of the boiling water. Inhale the scent of the tea as it rises with the steam from the cup. Once the tea has steeped, sit down, and take a few slow sips, savoring the flavor and the warmth.

Notice how your body feels as you drink the tea. Pay attention to your thoughts and emotions, letting them come and go without judgment. Just be with the tea and the moment. Drinking tea can be an excellent way to relax and de-stress. The key is to be mindful of the experience and to be present in the moment. By paying attention to the sights, sounds, and sensations, you create a sense of serenity and peace.  

Write a gratitude list.

Making a list of gratitude is an amazing practice of mindfulness. It is a practice of noticing the gifts, grace, and good in your life. Gratitude lists are a way of acknowledging the abundance in your life. Some people find it helpful to keep a daily gratitude list, others do it weekly, or only occasionally. However often you choose to do it, gratitude lists are a way of reminding you of the good things you have. They can also help you to focus on the positive aspects of life.

Each morning, evening, or whenever you can make time throughout the day, sit with a pen and paper and write a list of things you are grateful for. Maybe you set a timer for 3 minutes to write about what you are grateful for or commit to writing down 3 things from the day that you are grateful for. Items on a gratitude list could be big or small, something from the past, or something happening in the present time. Bringing gratitude into the mind is a great practice and can lead to a greater number of positive feelings and recognition of positive experiences.

Here is a sample gratitude list.

1.  I am grateful for my abundant health.

2. I am grateful to my family and friends.

3. I am grateful for my job.

4. I am grateful for the shelter of my home.

5. I am grateful for my dog, Houdini.

6. I am grateful for my ability to walk.

7. I am grateful for the sun shining today.

8. I am grateful for the rain that watered my garden.

9. I am grateful for the food in my refrigerator.

10. I am grateful for my bed, where I will sleep comfortably tonight.

Light a candle.

Lighting a candle is another way to bring mindfulness into your life. As you light the candle, take a moment to notice the sensation of touching the match to the wick. Feel the heat of the flame as it springs to life, the scent of the smoke, and the sight of the flickering flame. Take the time to sit with it and watch it. Fire is one of the most fundamental aspects of nature. It reminds us that we are strong and peaceful and ever-changing.

You can light a candle and sit calmly in front of it and enjoy its presence. Watching a flame flicker can be incredibly calming. Don’t try to control your thoughts or stop them from coming. Allow them to come and go as they please while you concentrate your attention on the flame. It’s okay if your mind wanders. Just return your focus to the flame. As you practice, you’ll find that you can focus on the flame for longer periods.

Listening Meditation.

Listening is one of the most basic and important human skills. You rely on it to communicate, learn, and interact with others. Regrettably, in the fast-paced, modern world, it’s all too easy to get caught up in our thoughts and fail to listen to what others are saying. Mindfulness and presence techniques can help you slow down, focus your attention, and listen to what others have to say. 

A practice of mindfulness that can be implemented anywhere is an audible or listening meditation. Wherever you are, you can take a moment to listen to the sounds around you and recognize where you are and what your sense of hearing is experiencing. Listen to the birds singing, the breeze rustling through the trees, the sounds of traffic, or whatever else you can hear. Don’t try to do anything with the sounds, just be aware of them. If your mind wanders, simply bring your attention back to the surrounding sounds. Listening mindfulness is a practice that can be transformative for attention to the present moment.

Benefits of being present.

When you are fully present in the moment, you are open to new experiences and new ways of seeing things. You are also better able to manage difficult situations and make wiser decisions. The following are additional benefits of being present:

• You are better able to appreciate the good things in life.

• You are better able to connect with others.

• You are better able to find meaning in life.

• You are better able to live in the present moment.

• You are better able to let go of the past and embrace the future.

Mindfulness and presence techniques can be used to improve your mental and emotional well-being. Practicing these techniques can help you to become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, and to manage any stress and anxiety you may have. With regular practice, you may find that you concentrate better, sleep better, and feel more relaxed and positive.

My final thoughts are.

If you're looking to add mindfulness and presence practices to your life, there are many different techniques you can try. Some key techniques include focusing on your breath and noticing your thoughts and emotions. By incorporating these techniques into your daily life, you can begin to experience the benefits of mindfulness, such as increased focus, decreased anxiety, and improved well-being.

For more information, read these posts.

Mindfulness For Beginners.

10 Best Reasons For You To Become Mindful.

Thank you for reading this post.

Wellness And Its Connection To A Positive Mindset

Gram’s Wisdom 44: Positivity and wellness.

When you feel well it’s a positive feeling. Positive thinking can make you feel better at the moment, but can it make you feel better overall?

My Gram certainly thought so. Gram understood the direct connections between exercise and a balanced diet on your physical wellness, she didn’t see positivity as a substitute for taking care of yourself. But she felt there was a definite link between positivity and your physical and mental wellness.

She often reminded me as I grew up, that my well-being was in my control. To feel well, tell yourself that you do. To be well, do the positive things that contribute to health and wellness.

Don’t beat yourself up.

Usually, stress is thought of as coming from external factors like work, traffic, or family friction, beyond your control. But a surprising amount of stress in life comes from within.

When a difficult situation arises, or even if you anticipate a difficult situation, some of you tend to criticize yourselves and begin imagining the things that could go wrong.

While it is important to understand the possible downsides of a situation, if you spend too much time thinking about the dangers of a situation or how we may be unprepared to deal with them, it can drastically increase the levels of unhealthy stress that can come from a situation. This stress not only makes it harder for you to think straight and control the situation, but too much stress over a long period contributes to health problems including weight gain and heart disease.

The next time that you begin to worry about a situation, look at it from a viewpoint of finding ways to make the situation favorable rather than thinking about how the situation could get worse. This small example of positive thinking will lower your stress levels, making you feel more comfortable and helping you to maintain control over the situation.

Positivity and other coping mechanisms.

Stressing about negative situations does more than prevent you from solving the problem at hand, it can also make problems worse and even create further difficulties.

If you are stressed or otherwise upset about something, it can be easy to slip into making unhealthy choices, whether that’s turning to comfort food or drugs. Even legal ones like tobacco and alcohol can quickly harm your health.

Thinking optimistically protects your health from the main effects of stress as well as these additional problems that can come on when you are drawn to manage your stress in unhealthy ways.

A positive mindset bolsters your health.

It was already discussed above that excessive anxiety over too long a period can be bad for the heart. This can be partially due to those secondary concerns mentioned in that last paragraph, like a diet. However, it can also be due to stress itself.

Stress is a complicated phenomenon in the body, involving a lot of chemicals being created and released into your blood. This cascade of events evolved in humans to help us run from predators or fight invaders, but a faster pulse and slowed digestion don’t help us get over the loss of a loved one or the frenzy of tax time. Our ancient ancestors needed the stress response to escape danger, but in today’s modern world it can tend to linger too long. This can be a draw on your body’s resources and can even prevent it from fighting an infection like it is supposed to.

Thinking positively can be good for your emotional health, but it may also help you to avoid whatever bug is going around.

Pondering positivity.

Your attitude is everything.

How you face life each day largely determines how you feel about your day. If you have a positive approach to life and yourself, even your most demanding days will feel tolerable. Thinking positively is a simple rule, the key to living a satisfying, fulfilled life. However, putting it into practice in your daily life can be more difficult.

Consistently thinking positive can be challenging. Maybe your self-confidence isn't as strong as it could be. If this is the case, you may need to take a leap of faith to think positively.

To be positive you must persevere.

Negativity is the human default, and everyone falls prey to it at some time or another. You are human, and you will stumble and even fall occasionally. The positive person is not faint-hearted, he knows that to stay down is a failure, not a fall. After a short letdown, you’ll remind yourself that with your intelligence and perseverance, something good will happen soon. You can’t lose by approaching life’s events with positive thinking.

We get what we expect.

Dare to think your project offering will be chosen. Whatever we expect or believe will occur will indeed come to pass. So, if you believe that you'll do well on a work project, you will. If you expect not to do well, then you likely won't. The implication is that if you can manage your thoughts, you can think your way to success.

When you aren’t sure about how to think about a situation, approach life positively. With enough positivity, you can change your life.

My final thought.

Looking on the bright side can be challenging, but if you don’t take it seriously it’s impossible. While some people avoid trying very hard to be positive because they think that it’s just a bunch of feel-good nonsense, hopefully, this article has helped you to understand some physical and mental benefits of positive thinking.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Let me know if I’m on track with the kind of information you are looking for.

For more information, check out these posts.

The Power Of Positivity.

Does Your Role Model Have A Positive Mindset?

How To Manifest Anything You Want

In the world we live in, working hard to improve our status, become someone’s ideal for success, or at the very least to afford more “stuff” is a highly prized activity. But does this take you to where you want to go in life? No. Mostly it keeps you chasing your tail in the rat race so that you barely find time or energy to breathe. Yet, if you slow down, follow another path, you can use the law of attraction in your favor. You can quit fighting the tide and instead go with the current. 

Why should you manifest your desired life?

Aren’t you tired of the uphill, both ways, climb to get what you want from life? You need to stop now, and ask the Universe for assistance if you are going to get all that you most desire in your life. And, when you do, what you will receive in return when you practice manifestation is so much more than you will ever have imagined.

Just take a look at these 5 manifestation practice benefits:

 A life less stressful –

It’s true that when you get out of your own way, and ask the Universe to lend a hand in moving things along, you will experience less stress in your life. Your step will be lighter and you can relax in the knowledge that the Universe has your back and is at work on your behalf.

A life more plentiful –

Whatever your motivation be it love, career, or finance, it’s assumed that you want more abundance in your life right? And, you will have it. After you have begun your manifestation practice in earnest you will become aware of the plenty in your life. Because of all the wonderful things that have always been a part of your life. From there it just increases exponentially as we allow the Universe to aid us in getting our deepest desires.

A life with more fun time –

If you aren’t always working on being perfect during your waking hours, you can allow yourself the luxury of goofiness and having more fun. You needn’t worry that there is insufficient time to have fun or that it’s necessary for your work to always be done first. And hey, the Universe is watching out for you, and when there is something for you to do, you’ll know.

A life of improved health –

Since you have less stress, increased gratitude for the awesomeness currently in your life, and additional fun time, how could your health not benefit from your manifestation practice? It is only obvious that you would laugh more often, worry less frequently, sit less and move around more, simply because you handed off the operation of getting where you want to be to the Universe.

A life of increased happiness –

Genuine happiness is a mindset, and it happens naturally when you encourage it and allow your life to unfold as it should instead of compelling it or manipulating it to bend to your will. Freeing yourself of the perpetual pursuit of your dreams and allowing the Universe to work it’s best for you will make you happier and more fulfilled.

How do I use the law of attraction?

What is this law of attraction?

The law of attraction encourages us to put exercises into place that will pull our deepest desires to us. Positivity is an action you can take to make this happen quicker and more easily. Because what you focus on is what you get, remember to keep those negative thoughts at bay. Another part of the law of attraction that people overlook is going with the flow of energy the Universe provides to manifest your dreams into reality.

 Surrender to the will of the Universe

Asking you to surrender to the Universe is very challenging for people living in a world that they are told rewards hard work and constant planning. People who hear of the law of attraction, usually begin working longer, harder, and faster in an effort to reach their goals. This what they have been trained to do – if you want to reach your goal you must work hard to get it. But this is the exact opposite of what will attract your dreams to you.

  Go with the flow

Rather than struggling even harder, you need to give up the struggle. You should go with the flow, relax, and ride the wave. Some people suppose this is must be the lazy way out. Surely getting access to what you desire most necessitates that you put in the effort and battle anything that obstructs your way. But the Universe wants to reward those who allow it to do the hard work for them.

 Conserve your energies

When a man is drowning, he is in battle with the water, thrashing around attempting to keep his head above the water. Soon he becomes exhausted, he just can’t fight it anymore. But if you are the man who permits the Universe to help you then you can conserve your energy. All you need to do now to survive is to relax and float.

 Taking Inspired action

Now, allowing the Universe to aid you doesn’t mean you will have nothing to do. You will need to take inspired action. The focus here is on “inspired.” Rather than doing busy work on anything you can think of that might help you get what you want. Instead, do only the tasks that you feel in your gut. It’s the follow up on a chance piece of information. Reading a book that is recommended to you. Setting up a job interview you overheard about. When an action comes to your awareness and you feel inspired to do it, you do it. This is the Universe guiding your desires right into your hands.

It is as easy to create a castle as a button. It’s just a matter of whether you are focused on a castle or a button. - Abraham Hicks

 Skills to make manifesting easier

Going with the flow of life doesn’t mean that there aren’t things you can do to make your manifestation efforts more effective. The following short list includes ways you can manifest your ideal life more quickly.

Meditation

Anytime you can reduce the number of thoughts swirling through your mind is a time when you are surrendering to the power of the Universe. Most of your thinking and planning only complicates your life. During meditation, you can enter a state of relaxing in an awareness that continues throughout your day.

Visualization

Visualization is a practical, fun way to put your visions of your future into the Universe to design your own destiny. When done consistently, visualization triggers your creative subconscious to the point where your mind doesn’t know the difference between what you visualize and reality. Only a few minutes a day will really ramp up your manifesting muscle.

Journaling

Putting words onto paper is extremely powerful, though often overlooked in our digital world. Writing down what you want to manifest allows you to get very clear and specific about what it is you want, which is a vital first step in manifesting. Writing down your goals daily, at least once, is a way to keep them in the forefront of your mind without obsessing over them, which can easily turn into resistance of the natural, Universal flow. 

Affirmations

Affirming that our deepest desires are already on their way to us is a popular way to manifest. Affirmations show the Universe that you are willing to work with it to attract what you want into your life. They also keep your thoughts positive so you don’t go into resistance mode when you want to go with the flow instead.

Practice gratitude

While you want to enjoy even bigger things in your life, manifesting is based on being grateful for what you have now. If you don’t appreciate what you have, why would the Universe be interested in giving you more? Practicing gratitude on a daily basis, whether formally in a journal or informally by sending out little thank you thoughts when something delights you is a powerful way to build your manifesting muscle while enjoying your daily life more.

Pretend

Feeling how you want to feel when you get your ideal life is important. Many people think they will feel it when it happens, but the law of attraction works the opposite way. What you feel, you attract. The more you practice feeling the way you want to feel, the more quickly your ideal life can materialize.

The art manifestation is a simple concept that’s easy to apply to your daily life. With awareness and practice, you can manifest amazing things into your life.

For more information here is Elyse Santilli’s post 15 Magical Ways To Manifest Your Desires.

 Please share this post with your friends if you found it beneficial.

Fighting Fair for Couples

It takes time and understanding to manage a loving relationship. Regardless of how much we love each other and work at our romantic relationship, there are bound to be difficulties that lead to arguments. This can be more evident for Seniors who spend a larger amount of time in one another’s company without the buffer of jobs or the raising of a family.

We are two very different people trying to live one life together, after all. When fights do occur, don’t let them descend into a free-for-all. Just like every other “game” in life, there are rules to fighting that everyone in love should abide by if they want to maintain their happy relationship.

We all have to face up to the fact that we will have to begin conversations about touchy subjects throughout life. We may try to put them off for as long as possible because we don’t want to deal with them, but eventually, to keep the relationship healthy, we must.

As the years fly by we often take one another for granted. So, we become careless or neglectful of our partner’s feelings. We often sabotage or damage our partnership without realizing it until later. For some it can be too late.

These nine tips are designed to help couples fight fairly

Choose your timing carefully

It may never feel like the exact right time because you know it’s going to be a difficult conversation to have. Don’t pounce on your partner unexpectedly wanting them to change a long held pattern of behavior. Especially if this is something they have done for years and you are just now addressing this issue.

It can take real self-discipline to hold your tongue when you want to get something worked out right away. It’s better to schedule your conversation for a time when you are both relaxed and feeling well. When both of you are in a good frame of mind to discuss a difficult subject the conversation can end up not as challenging as you expected. If we blurt out our grievance without taking into consideration the mental state of the other person, or have given them no previous warning, we inevitably make the argument much larger than it needs to be.

Use “I” language

We’ve all heard this, but it bears repeating. The other person is immediately on the defensive when a sentence starts with “You do ___ and I don’t like it….”  It’s just human nature because it feels like we are being attacked. But keep in mind that no one can make us feel anything - only we ourselves can do that. So, switch your “you dos” to “I’s.” Say something like, “I feel ___ when you do ___.” It’s not just semantics - to show that you are in control of your feelings. You are focusing on the feelings instead of the behavior you don’t like. This allows the other person feel safe enough to let down their guard and discuss the situation rationally, instead of feeling blamed.

Focus on the now

It’s so easy to get all worked up and start pulling out grievances from months or years past. Most people tend to argue about the same type of issue over and over. For example, money and household responsibilities issues are common, even in the most loving relationships. Take care to avoid bringing up the past. And, if one of these slips out, apologize and come back to the current issue. (Note: if certain past issues continue to rear their ugly heads, it’s likely you have never truly resolved them.)

“At the end of the day, you can either focus on what’s tearing you apart or what’s keeping you together.”  - Anonymous

Never say never

This connects with the tip above. When you start throwing around words like always and never which are all encompassing, you know you are in dangerous territory. It’s usually an overstatement that simply escalates the fighting and does not accomplish anything or rectify the situation.

Discounting their feelings

We do this when we argue about the way they say they feel. Things like, “You shouldn’t feel that way because I didn’t mean it like that.” or getting angry when they share their feelings, even in a non-accusatory way can make the other person feel like their feelings don’t matter to you. Feelings are real. Obviously, you can’t maintain a firm connection with another person when they think their feelings are unimportant to you. Our feelings are our reality, and everyone’s reality is different because the way we experience things is different. Take care to avoid making your loved one believe they are wrong for having the experience that they are.

Believing one of you is right and the other is wrong

We live in a world of dichotomies. If something is wrong, something else must be right. But just as we explained above, everyone experiences the same situations differently based on our upbringing and background. These things shape the way we view situations. Many times, no one is right or wrong. We just need to come together long enough to understand that we don’t see things the same way and that there is nothing wrong in that. We can still have a strong committed relationship despite our differing views of reality.

Keep your feelings in check

Allow enough time to have passed so that you aren’t as emotional or angry as you originally were. When we bring a heavy dose of emotion into a difficult situation, it only amplifies everything - the words, thoughts, and feelings of everyone involved. The wrong words or a strong tone of voice can feel like an attack Before you bring up the topic, make sure that you can discuss it as objectively as possible. It will make the whole thing go more smoothly.

Listen without thinking

When it’s the other person’s turn to explain their side of the story or version of the situation, keep your thoughts clear. Really hear what they are saying to you. To do that, you must refrain from thinking about how you will respond when they are finished. We do this frequently in all types of conversations, and we should do our best to avoid it. But it’s never more important than when we are having a difficult conversation with someone we care about.

Understand that conflict happens

Even in the closest, most loving relationships, conflict is going to occur sometimes. If you have built a strong, healthy relationship with the other person, don’t let your fears of losing them run away with you. Strong relationships can tolerate the occasional argument or uncomfortable talk. It’s much better than the alternative, which is to bottle up anger and hurt, which results in a build-up of resentment. And we all know what happens when things build to a boiling point, they explode. Don’t let your loving relationship be swept away in that explosion.

For more information about what to expect if you Divorce After 20 Years of Marriage or More take a look at this post from the Equitable Mediation Services blog.

If you know anyone who could benefit from this information, please share this post with them.

Create A Better Mood For Yourself

How is it you wake up some mornings feeling light and marvelous as if the world is your oyster and others as if a heavy dark cloud sits over your head making you want to bite people’s heads off? Why did you go to bed feeling one way and wake up feeling differently?

From early childhood, you understand that you have different feelings. Sometimes you will be in a good mood and other times you won’t. Flip-flop those moods frequently and you get labeled as a moody child. Do you really want to be that person? Why don’t people improve their mood? Is it because parents and teachers told us it’s just the way it is?

Changing How You Feel

Is it possible to create a better mood for yourself and feel better? Absolutely. Can you do the same for others? Sometimes, yes. If it is possible, why isn’t everyone always happy? It seems being happy is preferable to being in a bad mood.

Studies have shown it is possible to improve your mood. It can be as simple as thinking you're in a good mood. If you believe it, your attitude will change. In fact, even when you aren’t in a good mood, the simple act of smiling can perk you up. Act how you want to feel. That smile plus a cheery hello can then lift someone else’s mood. And when they return your smile and greeting it reinforces your own good mood. Before you know it your good mood is spreading like ripples in a pond.

Choose Positive People

If you want to better your mood, start hanging out with upbeat people. There’s nothing like a sourpuss to bring down a group. These cranky people seem to go out of their way to make sure everyone is as miserable as they are. By avoiding these people, you have less chance of being in a bad mood at the start.

Next, create an environment for yourself that lifts your spirits. If a certain type of music gets you pumped, play that music more often. Some people like to burn incense as they feel it can positively alter their moods.

Practice Gratitude

You should reflect on your life and be grateful for what you have. You have a lot to be thankful for if you're in good health. If your family is in good health, you should also be grateful. Your mood will naturally increase towards the positive when you appreciate such things.

Try not to worry about the mundane issues in your life. They are going to happen whether you worry or not. Just take care of them so that they aren’t hanging over your head. Don’t let things build to the point that they become a major matter.

Do What Makes You Happy

It may seem obvious, but do more things that make you happy and less that don’t. It’s not always possible to avoid adverse situations, but you don’t have to allow them to bring your mood down. After all, you control most of the activities in your life.

Sometimes, all that is needed is to change up your routine. If you are doing the same activities day in and day out, this can make anyone feel in a bad mood. Try stepping up your game and do something fun and out of the ordinary. In fact, make it a point to do this at least once every month.

Acting The Way You Want To Feel

Why Acting How You Want to Feel is Important

We all want to maximize our potential in life, to achieve our goals, be happy and experience fulfillment. In the end, we all want our dreams to come true. The trick is how do we make this happen? There is plenty of information out there as regards to maximizing your potential, reaching your goals, or making your dreams come true. Which bit of information can you believe? Which one is right for you? Better yet, which one works?

One of the best ways to determine what will work for you is through trial and error. You certainly want a technique or program that will provide actual, tangible benefits when you put that information to work. One of the most effective self-improvement techniques out there is acting how you want to feel. Check out this post from the usual bliss ACT the way you want to FEEL.

This technique is based on the simple concept that just as thoughts influence actions, actions have the power to influence thoughts, and by extension feelings. Many of us go through life allowing feelings to dictate our actions. If we feel positive emotions, we take positive actions that achieve the positive results we desire. However, by feeling negative emotions, we take negative actions that cause negative consequences.

We’ve all heard about the power of positive thinking. If you think positively, then you get those powerful, positive results that allow you to reach your goals. The problem is that positive thinking cannot be faked. You can pretend to have a positive attitude. You may fool the outside world that you are actually positive. However, a fake positive attitude cannot fool the real judge – you. Unless you truly experience positive emotions, you will continue to take negative actions and produce negative results. It’s that simple. If you want to learn about the power of positive thoughts check out this post from Mindvalley The Power Of Positive Thoughts.

The theory of positive thinking has actually got the concept completely backward. It’s not positive thinking that’s powerful. It’s actually positive actions that are powerful. You see, when you act in a certain way, your actions have the ability to influence your thoughts. Even if the actions feel forced or awkward, they still have consequences. You still see results from those actions. These results reinforce the strength of those actions. As a result, your actions begin to have an effect on your outlook and your emotions. You begin to feel the way you’ve been acting.

What Does It Mean To Act How You Want to Feel?

Have you ever wondered why you feel the way that you feel sometimes? Have you ever done something and then, at a later time, or even immediately wondered why you acted the way you did? If your answer to either of these questions is yes, you’re not alone. We all, at one time, have regretted doing or not doing something, saying or not saying something. The thing is, there is absolutely no reason to have these regrets.

We all, at one time or another, have felt we were being held hostage by our feelings. Negative emotions, prevent us from fully enjoying all the wonderful things that life has to offer. These negative emotions can take many forms – shyness, fear, or lack of confidence to name a few. The thing that they all have in common is that they prevent us from getting those things that we really want.

The key to living a fuller and richer life, one free of those restricting negative emotions, is deceptively simple. It’s so simple that most people reject it out of hand as being too easy, too good to be true. That’s unfortunate because all you need to do to rid yourself of negative emotions is to begin acting how you want to feel.

Four Examples of Acting How You Want to Feel

While you might think that your actions follow your thoughts, just the opposite is true. This means that if you can act the way you want to feel, your feelings will follow suit.

Example 1 | Say that you’re shy. You find social situations awkward and uncomfortable. Because of this, you pass up opportunities to get together with other people. Many of these opportunities are events that you really want to attend. You like people and you want them to like you in return. It’s just that your shyness is like a barrier between you and the rest of the world.

All you need to do to eliminate this problem is begin acting confidently, even if you don’t feel confident inside. It’s initially difficult to do, but fairly quickly you find people responding positively to your confident attitude. You begin to enjoy socializing. Acting confident begins to make you feel less shy. Because you act with confidence, you begin to feel confident. All of this occurred because you began to act the way you really wanted to feel.

Example 2 | What does success look like? Very often success looks confident. This means that if you want to appear more successful, you need to act with more confidence. Walk like you own the world. Talk like your dreams are about to come true. When you start to act like you’re successful, you begin to adopt a more successful state of mind. You exude confidence and that confidence changes the way you think. Once you start acting successful, you’ll be surprised at the opportunities life presents to you – opportunities that you’re now mentally ready to take advantage of.

Example 3 | How do you begin to feel healthier? It’s easy. All you have to do is begin acting in a healthy manner. You see while our thoughts have the ability to influence our feeling the opposite is also true. Our actions can also influence our thoughts. So start taking healthy actions. Stop taking elevators. Use the stairs instead. Reject your urge to eat fast or processed food. Start eating fresh, low-fat foods. Soon, you’ll start seeing some amazing changes. You actually are going to start feeling healthier. Why? Because you are healthier. Take a look at my post on Food and Your Health.

Example 4 | If you’d like to feel more happiness in your life, start by simply finding those things that bring you joy, and do more of them! If bird-watching makes you happy – do some birdwatching and watch your feelings accompany your actions! The true key to happiness is allowing yourself the permission to be happy! So find what it is that makes your heart soar – and do it!

I choose happy, and being an introvert I choose unafraid. What will you choose for yourself?