Can Mindfulness Improve Chronic Pain?

Mindfulness and chronic pain.

I want to talk about chronic pain. It’s inconvenient, obviously painful, often debilitating, and causes an array of other issues when conventional treatments fail. I have suffered from Migraine headaches for nearly fifty years and I am always grateful that I have days or even as many as three weeks at a pain-free time. Because I have refused to take any kind of medication, I learned early in my life to have a fallback routine for the “lost” days. While this has helped immensely it’s nothing more than a band-aid and I had continued to search for pain relief.

Chronic pain sufferers commonly experience anything from anxiety and depression to pain medication side-effects and addiction. All of this on top of excruciating pain that can’t seem to be controlled. Using the mindfulness approach for chronic pain may be just what the doctor didn’t know to order. I only discovered and began to use this for my migraine pain a couple of months ago.

Mindfulness is, simply put, paying close attention, and maintaining direct focus. Being brave enough to gracefully embrace a moment, good or bad, and know that it’s okay to let it go. Yes, it sounds terrifying to a chronic pain sufferer to pay more attention to the pain. Still, you should continue reading. I intend to make it clear how mindfulness for chronic pain can be highly beneficial and even help eliminate pain almost completely when practiced properly.

Some practical mindfulness techniques.

A common relaxation technique over the years has been to, tense up each part of the body, individually, count to 10, and then release your hold. The object is to notice exactly how tense you were, to begin with, and to physically feel the tension go away. You would typically begin at your head and gradually work your way down each body part until your entire body is completely relaxed.

For instance, you could start with your face by crinkling your forehead, squeezing your eyes together, pursing your lips, and clenching your teeth. Inhale through your nose, hold the tension as tight as you can for 10 seconds and then slowly exhale through your mouth. Feel the muscles relax in your face and head.

Feel the tension and stress leave your body. Notice how you feel the blood start to move again and how invigorated yet relaxed and calm it makes you feel. How completely aware you feel. This is the same premise as mindfulness for chronic pain.

The idea is to get closer to the pain, acknowledge it, assess it, and allow it to go. Accept that the pain is there, without judgment, which is the hardest part. Naturally, chronic pain and all that accompanies it is seen as negative.

Focus on pain relief.

But just for this exercise, try and view it neutrally. Shake hands with the pain as if it’s the first time you’re meeting a new neighbor. Visualize the pain. And when you exhale, let the pain move on.

Substantial pain relief may not be immediate, but if you are mindful and continue practicing mindfulness for chronic pain, the decrease in pain will gradually happen. It takes practice and focus, but it’s well worth the effort considering the damage other treatment measures can potentially cause to your body, mind, and spirit.

It also helps to alter your mindset on the pain itself. Your approach should be to understand your pain, individually describe the sensations you notice with and without the mindfulness exercises, and create a deeper awareness of equanimity.

If you enter this with the idea that your pain needs to be “fixed”, if you aren’t extremely successful on your first shot of meditation, your mind will interpret that as “failure”. And mindfulness for chronic pain is so much more than simple success and/or failure.

Mindfulness will help you achieve a more accurate perception of the pain. You essentially retrain your brain to calculate pain differently. Think about it; your mind doesn’t feel the pain, but it sure lets you know on a scale, how bad it might feel.

For your brain to differentiate the intensity of pain, it first had to send signals down to the core of the pain, which was then interpreted as even greater pain. It’s like poking a really bad bruise. Ouch!

Mindfulness, life, and pain connection.

Mindfulness for chronic pain isn’t about erasing pain. Mindfulness is a phenomenal and powerful method to help you live a full life even with the pain. Your focus is no longer on the outside obstacles but on accepting what’s going on inside your body and having an alternate relationship with it.

You get to choose your reactions, believe it or not, and mindfulness for chronic pain assists in just that. With practice and determination, you can and will change your pain response. Think of all the added benefits like less narcotic pain medication, less chance for addiction to medications, as well as decreased anxiety and depression symptoms.

What about the fact that you can begin again to live a meaningful, active life without spending the majority of your energy on avoiding any pain breakthrough?

Mindfulness for chronic pain has endless potential and the results can affect multiple areas of your life. There’s no reason not to give it a try.

My final thought 

My pain management is admittedly a work in progress. What pleases me is the reduction of the pain and the length of time the migraine lasts when I practice this technique. I attribute this to a lessening of the associated stress and anxiety I feel now that I have taken a more hands-on approach.

I hope you enjoyed this post and will share it with your family and friends.

Mindfulness Relationship Exercises

Gram’s Wisdom 18: Relationships, mindfulness, and couples

My Gram and Grandpa frequently did little things for one another. He always took care of her car. She just had to get in and drive. But what sent Gram over the moon was the fresh oyster stew he would cook for her twice or three times a year. We lived in a small landlocked Indiana town, so he got big brownie points for that. She in turn would shovel snow occasionally from the house to the garage when he had to go to work in the middle of the night.

In the last several weeks, my honey, Michael, and I have been, like so many others, doing home improvement projects. As I wrote in a previous post Gram was not a big advocate of spending vacation time for that. Still, with four dogs and the current situation, vacation seems far off at this time.

None the less a couple of the projects were done with me, specifically in mind. To make me happy and relieve my worry. My Gram would have said this was mindfully done with an open heart.

I will place links at the bottom of this post to both of those previous posts.

 Pay attention to your relationship

It’s no lie that a good relationship is hard work. People are busy with life and simply neglect to nurture their union. Usually, it turns into a conflict for the time between family, work, and self-care. With all that happens in a day or even a week, what’s left-over for maintaining a relationship? Exactly that, leftovers.

Unintentionally, we often overlook giving our partner what is necessary for a healthy relationship. Mindfulness for a couple is used mainly in couples counseling sessions by professionals. But why wait until there’s so much agitation between you that couch time in a therapists’ office becomes necessary? There are plenty of practices you could initiate now!

Let’s take a look at the mindfulness concept. In a nutshell, the practice of mindfulness is being present in the moment. Becoming aware of the situation at hand and accepting, without judgment, what’s happening. It might sound complicated but it’s rather simple, it just takes practice.

How does mindfulness benefit a relationship?

Mindfulness actions for a couple are much the same as for you alone. Only with your partner. No, not necessarily breathing exercises (although a deep breath where you think before you speak is always a good thing) but there are plenty of other exercises you can do with your mate that will help develop a greater understanding of their emotional state.

Waiting until you are in the middle of a screaming match before trying to meaningfully communicate can be less than effective. But by that point, who is willing to listen, when words go flying and feelings get mutilated? Frequently this is followed by regret and hopefully an apology or (shudder) even the silent treatment; neither of which are truly healthy.

“When we get too caught up in the busyness of the world, we lose connection with one another - and ourselves.”

— Jack Kornfield

So, let’s take a look at some specific mindfulness for couple’s techniques that might be useful:

A daily affirmation

It’s one thing to tell your love that you appreciate something they are doing or have done, but when you give them your undivided attention, look them in the eyes and follow the affirmation with how it makes you feel, it is far more appreciatively received, and it sticks.

To go a step further, your partner would effectively reiterate what you’ve just told them in their own words. For example, “I love it when you rub my back after a long day at work; it makes me feel like you’ve seen that I’m tense and want to help.” Your partner would then follow-up with his interpretation of what you’ve just relayed.

A mindful date night

Sounds simple enough right? But there are rules! Put your devices down if you are enjoying a meal together, look one another in the eyes, and engage in meaningful conversation. Avoid topics that would cause critique or conflict. Open your ears and listen to what your partner is saying without thinking of an immediate response while they are still talking. Then acknowledge that you have sincerely heard what was said.

If you go to a movie or a play, hold hands while sitting, share the same popcorn and soda, and then talk about your opinions on the show afterward. Any event will work and if you don’t share the same ideas on what you should do, alternate venues.

He wants to see a movie and you want to have dinner on the beach. Easy. One thing this week, the other next week. Be excited to spend quality time with one another and fully engage, mindfully, and purposefully. Whatever you do, don’t skip out on your mate and reschedule!

Most importantly, if it’s not “your thing”, don’t disassociate. Make an extra effort to consciously focus on your partner and fully participate in the event. Make new memories. That is what mindfulness is and does.

Memories and mindfulness

Sit down with your loved one and create a list of things that make each of you happy and deliriously in love. Remember when you were dating, and he brought you flowers or when she would nibble on your ears? Write. It. Down.

Use a list or even cut these suggestions out on strips of paper and place them in a jar. Each week grab one out and do it. Suggestions? Hold hands while watching TV. Bring a surprise home after work; a candy bar, a new perfume, a flower you picked from the neighbor’s yard… anything, but make sure it’s sincere.

Write a love note to your partner. Be specific about what it is you love about him/her. Cook and serve a favorite meal. Grocery shop together. These things are simple but can mean the world to your lover and your relationship.

Mindfulness for couples doesn’t mean you must gaze into each other’s eyes and affirm your undying affection. There are endless “exercises” you could include in your daily lives that will create mutual love and adoration. And when you are mindful of your love and adoration guess what happens? You are less likely to explode during the difficult conversations inevitable in any relationship.

Engage mindfully with your partner

Engaging your conscious mind to be more mindfully aware of loving and being loved will move your relationship from a should be/could be/would be existence to a “this is” experience.

You both will subconsciously reflect on how loved you are and that you are in this together, thus creating a stronger bond and much greater respect for your mate. It’s a win-win! Don’t stop with these few suggestions though. Find what works best in your relationship and for your given situation.

You wouldn’t neglect to give yourself food or water, right? Relationships take continuous work and nurturing as well. Mindfulness for a couple is work, yes, but it’s so worth it! Give your partnership the fuel it deserves to grow and succeed!

My final thought

I think this all boils down to attention, awareness, and presence. Our lives get busy and it becomes a catch-all excuse. We shouldn’t allow that most important person in our life to feel as if we no longer see them, hear them, or care enough to spend quality time with them.

Here are the links to the posts I mentioned above.

How Mindfulness Helps You Enjoy the Journey 

Simple Love and Care Advice for Couples

Thank You for reading this post and I hope you will share it with your family and friends.

Create Your Intentional Life

Live with intention or by default

There’s much talk about intentional living lately. But what does this mean? Intentional living is consciously living in alignment with your values and beliefs.

It’s opposite to what many people do. They live in default mode, being satisfied to only take action when disasters occur.

Intentional living is about an awareness of who you want to be and how you want to live. Of making that choice and then being disciplined enough to do it consistently.

How to live your life intentionally

Take the time, take control of your life, and make decisions that matter. Not to your Mom or your best friend. Matter to you.  Choose the course for your life or life will make those choices for you. And those choices will likely be haphazard and unpleasant. In other words, take control while you still have time to create an exciting life or one of peace and calm if that is your preference.

Try these 10 tips to help you live with intention:

1 | Your choices matter. An intentional life is all about making choices that make sense for you and your beliefs. Determine the kind of life you want to lead and direction you want to take that will create the results you want. Change as necessary life isn’t static.

But choose. Your past needn’t be an issue. You may have been afraid to make a choice and fail. It’s true, you can’t fail if you never try. You don’t want to make an incorrect choice. However, this thinking is a trap. You should make a reasonable choice and give it your best effort. Without it, you may not experience the success and happiness that you deserve.

Your greatest power is the power of decision.

“It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.”

— Roy Disney

2 | Visualize your dream life in detail. Have a target in mind. Think about how you’d like to live. Be bold-spirited and leave your doubts and limitations behind for a moment. Go for broke it’s your life.

Consider your ideal day. How would you like to spend your time? Who else would be there? Where would you live? What would your finances be like? Does it include travel or education? Give it some thought. Write it down in a journal or a piece of paper. Refer back to it often.

3 | Know your values and beliefs. A large part of intentional living is living aligned with your values and your beliefs. It’s not about reacting to everything in the most expedient fashion. It’s about proactively living on your terms. It’s necessary to be intimately familiar with your beliefs and values to accomplish that.

4 |Prioritize the first things first. Money isn’t the main thing, but it’s an important thing. Money is great for solving many of life’s challenges such as food and housing. It’s also a necessary resource that affords you the ability to do the things you want to do like traveling. If you’re having financial struggles, it makes the most sense to work on your finances first.

Make a logical progression for each part of your life you’d like to change. Your health is key to your enjoyment of life. If you need to lose 100 pounds, going for a daily walk and eliminating high-calorie drinks would be a good beginning. After a month of walking, you could add additional exercise and diet changes.

Focus on financial and health issues first. After you’ve gained some momentum, you can address the other parts of your life.

5 | Set goals for the major areas of your life. These typically include your home, career, relationships, and education. Of course, you can add other categories as you need them, depending on your aspirations and values.

6 | Choose or create habits to support those goals. Intentional living is much easier with supportive habits in place. You’ll run out of willpower otherwise. Select simple, but effective habits that will help you to reach your goals and begin implementing them.

7 | Decide how you will spend your time. Most of us don’t give a lot of thought to what we do each day. Keeping your dreams and values in mind, what is the best thing for you to do at this moment? What do you need to accomplish today? Have you made a plan? Make choices and avoid operating on autopilot.

8 | Master your impulses. Most of our impulses lead us down the wrong path. They’re often habitual and related to pleasure or discomfort avoidance. Intentional living is about making rational decisions and exercising consistent follow through regardless of comfort. Following your impulses are the opposite of intentional living.

9 | Reject distractions. This includes all distracting thoughts of the past or future. Intention requires presence. Distractions are things you shouldn’t be doing at that moment. Even paying your bills can be a distraction if you should be doing something more important at that time.

10 | Take stock of your day. How well did you do today at living intentionally? What challenges did you face? Where did you fall short? What can you do tomorrow even better than you did it today? What win did you have that you can build on? Learn something new each day for the future.

 My final thought

Are you choosing and creating your life or just living by default? Having a life, that you love will never happen by accident. Be courageous enough to choose the life you want for yourself. Decide the kind of person you want to be. Make your decisions and choose your actions accordingly. Remember, when you refuse to make a choice, you have made your choice.

Be present in your life. Be in control of your life. Be happy in your life.

I would appreciate it if you please share this post with your family and friends.

How To End Procrastination

Procrastination perceptions

Procrastination. I am guilty. We are all guilty of doing it, more often than we would like to admit. Procrastination may not be just about turning in your school report/work project at the last minute. You may also be putting off important life decisions like whether or not you should ask your boss for that raise he promised last month, or whether you should join a gym, leave your boyfriend, have a baby - it’s endless.

And if you can’t learn how to stop putting things off, it becomes a bad habit you will have to deal with your whole life. This can hurt your relationships, career, and personal health. Others perceive you as being lazy, unable to meet your time commitments, or incapable of making up your mind.

The thought process behind procrastination is that you believe there is always tomorrow, so why not steer clear of the stress and anxiety and just put it off until later. But guess what? This is the first thing you need to tackle. The stress is not going anywhere and will always be there whenever you get around to doing what you delayed. It will not be easy but try to figure out what the stress factor is behind your procrastination. It could be fear of failure, fear of confrontation, fear of not being perfect.

Don’t be too critical of yourself

Waiting to start a project pushes you to bite off more than you can chew. Partnering that with a leap into the deep end usually results in a finish nowhere near what you had envisioned.

So, you judge your flaws and faults way too harshly. Yet, studies show that when you forgive yourself for putting things off or not getting things done as perfectly as you would have liked, it can help fend off procrastination. Additionally, setting realistic goals and not spreading yourself too thin can also help with a procrastination problem.

“You can’t get much done in life if you only work on the days when you feel good.”

— Jerry West

Following these tips may help you combat procrastination

1. Make tasks into good habits

We all have enough willpower to get about 3 or 4 tasks done each day. Habits use other parts of our brain rather than the prefrontal cortex which is associated with rational thinking. So, when you train yourself to do something out of habit, rather than look at it as a mundane task, you think about it less which means you’re using less willpower and you won’t fall into the procrastination rut.

Things like brushing your teeth or making your bed have all become daily habits that you automatically perform without even considering putting them off. Why not turn healthy eating, daily exercise, or turning in reports ahead of time into daily habits as well?

After, that it becomes easier, but you still must keep yourself motivated and inspired. Procrastination is all about avoiding that dreaded first step. So, why not ease into it with the knowledge that after a certain amount of time, or once I’ve finished X, I can watch videos on YouTube or go get a cup of coffee. Make it pleasant for yourself because the reward is the part that the brain assimilates to gauge your enjoyment level. If it makes you happy, then your brain slowly turns this task into a habit that you look forward to, instead of something you dread each time.

2. Divide work tasks into pieces

Instead of cleaning out the entire garage, do the right side first, take a break, then do the left side, take a break, then finish off the rest. At work, big tasks may seem daunting when you look at them. The answer? Break it down into smaller tasks. Outline the entire project, and then divide it up into smaller tasks.

Working in 30-minute increments also helps break down tasks into smaller chunks that are manageable and not so intimidating. After 30 minutes, take a break and assess your work. Seeing how much you’ve accomplished will give you that boost of confidence you need to keep at it.

3. Eliminate distractions

Checking your email every 5 minutes doesn’t do you any good. So, once you’ve committed to doing the job, limit distractions by putting your phone away. You can find apps that help you stay on track, but some will say that’s completely missing the point.

The important thing is that you set up a certain time for checking emails or your social media, and once you’ve started your task, you should try to avoid the urge to sneak a peek.

Another serious distraction is multi-tasking. Even though it may seem that you’re being productive, the truth is it wastes time and energy. Think about it, it takes your brain about 20 minutes to completely focus on one task and give it 100%, and then you bring in another task which means you decrease your focus level by half, bring in a third task and the focus drops even lower. So even though you’re working more, your results will be below average for those 3 tasks.

4. Work during your optimal hours

We all have certain times during the day when we’re most energetic and alert. Some of us are morning people, some are night owls, and others do best in the late afternoon hours. This is the time you usually find it easiest to accomplish your hardest tasks. But, whenever your peak hours are, that’s the time to tackle your most difficult and demanding tasks. You’ll be a true powerhouse then with your brain working at its maximum capacity.

My final thought

These tips are general and can help to a greater or lesser degree any person who procrastinates. Keeping in mind not all people procrastinate for the same reason it follows that some tips are better than others, but you may need to think outside the box. Tip number 2 works best for me because unfamiliar things make me feel overwhelmed and I need a list of steps to take.

Please share this post with your family and friends if you found it useful.

5 Tips To Improve Your Concentration

Gram’s Wisdom 17: The importance of mindset on your concentration

I would bet that like most of us you normally have no trouble concentrating on the task at hand. It’s easy, right? You have a to-do list or a routine, so you know exactly what to focus on. 

The world for most people is topsy-turvy right now. You don’t know what the other side of tomorrow looks like, let alone next month. The temptation to let things slide rather than plan for that other side is more an inability to concentrate than the lack of desire toward the subject.

As a teen, I remember it being harder and harder to focus on the homework for classes I wasn’t so interested in. When I asked my Gram for advice, I told her I needed more than, “life is full of things we must do like it or not.” You see the problem for me was, I would procrastinate because I couldn’t concentrate on what I thought of as useless subjects.

Fortunately, Gram did have a few simple ideas. First, she said to find a reason to become interested. (In my case I wanted a good grade average.) Second, she said reward yourself when finished. The third thing she said was to change or take control of my mindset. The last tip she said was the most important because it’s always better to do what’s necessary with good grace and acceptance.

“It’s all about reprogramming our minds to focus more on what brings us joy.”

— Alaric Hutchinson

Tips to boost your concentration

The good news is that in the intervening years though we humans have created more distractions for ourselves, you can learn to focus more and focus better. All you need is to alter your mindset, take charge, and apply these tools to boost your attention span.

1.     Get your brain moving

You’re at work; you have deadlines, meetings, projects, tasks - all things that need to get done within the span of a few hours. What to do? You make a list, of course. Many successful people swear by their lists because it has everything on it, from the most important to the things that can wait until later.

Another great tip? Write your list the night before so you’re not bombarded with many things at the start of the day. This is like stretching before a workout - it doesn’t take a lot of time, but you can’t start without it.

2.     Take regular breaks

Francesco Cirillo, the owner of the Cirillo Consulting firm in Berlin, devised an ingenious system that manages time by breaking it down into intervals. For example, once you’ve started on a task, set the timer to, say, 30 minutes.

During that time, focus completely on that task. Once the timer rings, you take a 10-minute break to get some coffee or just walk around your desk for some quick exercise. Then, every 4 30-minute work intervals, you can take a longer break of 20-30 minutes.

The way this technique works is that you have to refrain from picking up your phone to check your email or social media every 5 minutes. Research has proven that it takes us nearly 25 minutes to get back to our original task once we’ve been distracted, which means you’re spending the entire day just on trying to regain your focus but not achieving it.

A smart way to avoid this when it comes to your phone is to put it on silent or stick it in a drawer to ward off temptation. An even better way to do this is to carve out half an hour at the start of the day, or in the afternoon, to get all that out of your system so that you’re not constantly thinking about it.

3.     De-clutter

While it may seem straightforward to everyone that working in a calm, organized environment boosts concentration and, hence, productivity, it may not be as easy as it sounds. Even if your choices are limited or can’t get away with changing too much of your workspace, you can do wonders with a few add-ons here and there.

But all you need are a few basic items:

• a desk organizer to store away whatever you’re not working on at the moment

• a plant or two because it’s been proven that being surrounded by nature magnifies concentration levels and extends your attention span

• a good source of lighting

• a calming piece of artwork or photo

• soft background music or sounds of nature to put you in the mood to concentrate

4.     Make your health a priority

Most people don’t make the connection between eating right and having strong concentration and memory skills. Studies show that foods high in trans fats and processed sugars harm your cognitive abilities.

Enjoying a balanced diet rich in minerals and vitamins, on the other hand, boosts energy levels and gives you the mental stamina you need to concentrate on the task at hand. Water is also very important to prevent dehydration. Staying hydrated throughout the day prevents your mind from slowing down. Exercising regularly also boosts cognitive powers and mental stamina.

5. Play brain games

There has been extensive research that shows just how much how solving crossword puzzles, problem-solving exercises and other types of mental games can improve cognitive abilities, reasoning, memory, and attention spans. It also boosts your skill and speed on tasks that have to do with memory and reasoning.

My final thought

I believe that right now most of us are having some focusing difficulty. I say cut yourself some slack, try and accomplish one small thing each day, and, using Gram’s second tip, reward yourself. You deserve it.

I hope this post helps. Please share it with your family and friends.

You Can Cultivate Motivation Skills

Are you motivated?

It is certainly no secret that life is tough. This is particularly true for those set on living a life of achievement and satisfaction. Probably the most important intrinsic factor responsible for rising above the rest of the population is motivation.

Positive motivation is the one variable that allows you to propel yourself to the finish line when others around you stop and seek out one unfinished challenge after another to conquer, or they just plain give up.

If you are currently experiencing a dry spell in the way of motivation or even if you have never thought of yourself as a driven individual, but would like to become one, this article should give you the stimulation you need.

Here you will find 5 helpful steps that, in no special order, are an effective way to magnify your overall motivation and drive to achieve the goals you have set for yourself!

Celebrate small wins

No matter how much (or little) motivation you have towards the fulfillment of a goal, failing to enjoy small successes in pursuit of the finish line is a sure-fire way to run out of steam before you get there.

While resting on your laurels and settling for less than what you want should be avoided, depriving yourself of feeling satisfaction along the way is also harmful. In pursuit of your goals, take some time to reward yourself when you accomplish one of the (often many) small steps to get there.

Focus and a bigger picture

Consider this fact: whatever large goal or achievement you are after most likely involves only one part of your life. Whether this goal is for career, athletic, or personally oriented, the rest of your life does not stop while you chase after it. What seems unavoidable is that much of your motivation and energy is focused on the bigger victory you want to reach.

However, let me assure you that your sense of fulfillment will be diminished upon crossing the finish line by the understanding that you have neglected every other facet of who you are to get there. Balance is always key. Do not allow the rest of your life to fall by the wayside while you chase one dream!

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you BECOME by achieving your goals.”

— Zig Ziglar

Have you a good reason?

While it may seem obvious, knowing your reasoning and passion behind anything you seek is critical. When you initially set out toward a goal or achievement, your “why” for doing so normally seems clear. However, somewhere in the drudgery of working towards this goal, this foundation can quickly become indistinct and you may even forget what that good reason was

Make no mistake; any time you are tirelessly working towards something worthwhile, no matter how important, there WILL be days in which you feel less motivated than others. Remaining conscious of why you started this in the first place serves as your second (or third, or fourth) wind to get you back up and moving forward.

Know where you want to go

Exaggerated motivation causes one to put their head down, work like a maniac, and ignore everything else. While there are times that this mindset is beneficial, some sense of direction must be maintained. Big goals rarely consist of point A and point B with nothing between them.

Instead, it is important to have a general outline in mind of each specific step towards your destination. So yes, while keeping your nose to the grindstone is a must, looking up now and then to adjust before you begin the next phase of your blueprint is necessary if you are to continue heading in the right direction!

You today versus you yesterday

This step is important and one that everyone needs to hear. Keep in mind that your goals are YOUR goals. Allowing other people’s pursuits to dictate what you strive for is a slippery slope at best. After all, how will you find the motivation required to achieve something great without the personal desire to do so?

You are not them; they are not you, and their lives will have been different than yours. Whatever it is you want, the only logical comparison to be made is to the person you were the day before.

My final thought

Many people will tell you that it is better to be internally motivated rather than externally motivated because it is more sustainable. I find that notion too cut and dried. Our motivation for a goal frequently shares both components. I feel a goal is successful when along with my result it brings me positivity and joy.

I hope you found this post valuable. I would welcome any discussion.

Don’t Allow Events To Steal Your Joy

The joy in you not the times

If you are like everyone else, you will have events in your life when things are just not going your way. The truth is life is a constant wave of emotional highs and lows.

So much of our time is spent on an even keel, mundane state of emotional blandness, interrupted by the peaks of the best of times and unfortunately, the valleys when nothing seems to go right.

Few if anyone searches for information on how to deal with the best moments of their lives. They ride the wave. Then, finding that handling the lows can be a difficult task they bemoan their fate. Today we live in very troubled times, a pandemic has taken over most of the world, and people are being affected in many profound and unexpected ways.

Everything surrounding this pandemic is based on suffering and pain, it is just the nature of the beast. Death, isolation, fear, facing the unknown and grief and loss can strip of us our joy and may lead to depression.

We cannot control what happens outside our door, what we CAN control is ourselves and how we react. There are things we can do to maintain a positive and even joyful mindset.

In the following discussion, let’s talk about three methods for doing just that.

Having the right people around you

How often have you heard it said that you are the total of the five people you surround yourselves with most frequently. If that is the case, you must make sure you have the right people around you. Especially, when going through a difficult time, it is critical to hang on to your joy. At times, when life is beating you up, retreating into the solitude of your home, wanting to throw the covers of your head, and be left alone with your thoughts, can feel like the best option.

Make no mistake; sometimes periods of solitude are healthy and necessary. Right now, isolating yourself is the norm as we fight this health crisis. However, when you discover yourself at a low point, robbed of your joy, connecting with those who make you happy is imperative.

Although it may seem obvious, avoiding people who have the opposite effect can sometimes be the real battle. Negative people are especially important to keep out of your life when you are already struggling to find joy in your current situation.

You can maintain connections during Shelter in Place orders when you are isolating at home to prevent the spread of Covid-19. Technology has seen to that.

·         Face Time on iPhones and Video calls on Android

·         Skype

·         A simple phone call

·         Email

·         Text

·         Zoom and other video conferencing software can bring together friends and family while staying safe and following health official’s orders.

·         Good old-fashioned letter writing

Remember it can’t rain forever

Nothing in life is permanent. Fortunately, nothing in life is permanent! Let’s state that again, this will pass.

Into every life, some rain must fall. Later the sun shines bright and hot. During periods of extreme highs and lows, thinking about the temporary nature of each season in life is not comfortable to dwell on.

On the contrary, keeping this truth in mind during low times can be beneficial. Whatever you are going through, no matter how bad it may be, it WILL pass.

Most of the difficult times you experience in life conclude without any extra effort on your part. It is so easy to embrace the mentality that you must put forth an immense amount of effort to make something bad go away.

Even though this is sometimes the case, most of the time, TIME is the only remedy for tough situations. If you want to increase your joy during difficult times, remember that your situation is not the way things are, only the way they are RIGHT NOW.

“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.”

— Henri Nouwen

Choose to be joyful

Since we have discussed how life is divided into highs and lows and the fact that nothing will last forever, this leads to one last thing to keep in mind during the best AND the worst periods.

If you want to have joy consistently, your joy absolutely cannot be dictated by your circumstances.

If you let every good thing that happens to you leave you soaring on cloud nine and every negative situation send you crashing to earth, you will go through life in a state of emotional exhaustion! Stable, consistent, sustainable joy can only be created and found within yourself.

Life is far less about what happens to you than it is how you react to it. You are in charge of how you feel. Don’t fall into the trap of letting joy go to your head and disappointment to your heart.

My final thought

Adverse situations are a part of every life. Do Not allow it to rob you of the joy that should be yours. Try affirming to yourself every day, “today, I choose to feel joy in my life.”

I hope you have found this post to be beneficial. Please share it with your family and friends.

Titanic’s Lingering Lessons

Gram’s Wisdom 16: Titanic Lessons

The original of this post was written two years ago, but it’s as relevant today as it would have been 100 years ago. I have put the link to that post at the bottom for anyone interested. I know I am as like as not going to receive a ration of shit for this post. I don’t mind. I welcome the eye-rolls I receive when I mention Titanic (you Titaniacs out there know exactly what I'm talking about).

My Gram would have called the lessons of the passengers “life learned” lessons. Since then I have noticed that we best remember them when we learn them for ourselves. They can be so easily forgotten when we don’t and frequently to our grief.

Gram took me to see “The Unsinkable Molly Brown” when I was five. She had told me she was almost my age when Titanic sank and that even in rural Indiana it made the news. Now, Debbie Reynold's as Molly, in the movie, was only aboard Titanic and in that lifeboat for about 12 minutes screen-time. I doubt as we sat in that theater that Gram had any idea what a profound effect that movie would have on me. But I have been captive to all things Titanic ever since.

To my five-year-old mind, I thought now, there was a woman who lived her life large, didn’t worry what others thought of her and made a big splash. Yet, when it was most important, she influenced the women of her boat to do the necessary rowing for warmth and safety and kept their spirits high.

Titanic’s lessons were hard, hindsight learned and full of what-ifs. If you are interested in learning more about Titanic, there are books to read and documentaries and movies to view. I have included a couple of suggestions at the bottom for anyone interested.

“There was peace, and the world had an even tenor to its way... Nothing was revealed in the morning the trend of which was not known the night before. To my mind, the world of today awoke April 15, 1912.”

— John B. (Jack) Thayer

As the 108th-anniversary approaches, these are what I observed from Titanic in no specific order

Be calm don’t panic

The musicians aboard the Titanic played to the end. That music helped to keep the passengers’ panic at bay. Panic has you running around no plan in mind and missing the last lifeboat. You make better decisions about where you are and how and where you want to go when you’re calm. More solutions to your problems seem to appear when you quietly and calmly look at them.

Life is a journey

There are beginnings and endings. Don’t rush them. Enjoy the little things. Making memories takes time. Revel in the experiences with people moving along the same path with you. This will be your family and those you choose to be with constantly. Enjoy the time you share with those whom you briefly meet along the way. Take time to appreciate the sights, sounds and smells as you go along. It’s better to see half as much and remember it than to see twice as much and remember nothing.

A life of service, going beyond                                   

The stokers and engineering crew of Titanic remained faithfully at their posts keeping the electricity so vital to the pumps, the elevators, the lights, and the all-important telegraph working. Their selflessness allowed more passengers to safely depart the ship than would have otherwise been possible.

To go beyond is lending that hand or doing that thing when it’s most needed by others. Not when it’s easiest or most convenient for you.

Pay attention to the signs

This one is difficult. Things can and do happen like a bolt out of the blue sometimes and you are unprepared for them. Often some signs are overlooked or ignored. Sometimes you want to bury your head in the sand and pretend nothing bad will happen to you. When you begin to see signs it’s time to plan for the worst and hope for the best.

Strength and perseverance

You don’t always get what you want. Sometimes you just get what you get, and you must make the best of it. People who can do this are strong because it's never easy to make the best of a bad situation. And, the strongest of these people never give up, they persevere no matter the obstacles they face. They see challenges and find ways to go around them or over them because they will not be deterred.

It never pays to believe all the hype

That is just as true today. The Unforeseen happens, things break, people are fallible.

My final thought

All the people on Titanic that night passengers and crew alike were brave and did the best they could with what they had. Each one had no assurance that they would survive. Many assumed such but there were no guarantees. I feel this sums up the biggest lesson we learn from Titanic.

I do have one book recommendation for you if you have no idea where to start reading about Titanic. You can't go wrong with Walter Lord's "A Night To Remember." It's a straight-forward survivor account of what happened on the night of April 14, 1912, when ship meets iceberg. The movie of the same name based on the book is also one of the best there is. My favorite documentary is A & E’s 1994 Titanic The Complete Story.

Here is the link to that 2-year-old post:

Lessons I Learned From The Titanic

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