A Better Mindset From Incremental Change

Tiny changes bring about large results.

Do you want to be better? A better person, a better parent, a better boss? And how about being better than you were last year or even last week? It’s possible. It just takes the right mindset and goals. I call it the mindset of better.

Did you know that only eight percent of people reach their goals? Yep, that's right! The other 92 percent fail within weeks or months. They want to do better, and it’s not their mindset at fault. According to research, what separates the two comes down to one simple thing: setting detailed and challenging goals.

The first step is to open your mind and embrace change. We, humans, are wired to resist any changes that disrupt our routines and habits. Unless you beat inertia, you’ll never be able to transform your life. Relax and be ready for whatever comes. Big dramatic changes won’t necessarily produce big results. Sometimes, it’s the small things that matter.

However, this doesn't mean you should dive in and do everything at once. Trying to do too many things is often a formula for failure. Instead, if you want to go big, you must think small. Not just small, but minuscule. Break those large goals into smaller goals, then make them tiny and begin there.

What's so wrong with “Thinking Big?”

People might have told you that you can accomplish anything you want, whether it's saving the world or becoming a prima ballet dancer. Unfortunately, that's unlikely to happen. Sure, you could do it, but it will take years of challenging work and discipline. For this reason, it's so important to take baby steps toward your goals, so you don’t become burned out.

The truth is what you need to do is think big in detail. It's essential to have detailed information, plans, knowledge, and skills for your big goals to become a reality. That won't happen overnight. It takes tiny steps, consistently performed day after day.

A big idea doesn't guarantee success. Anyone can have ideas, but only a few people will bring them to life. When thinking big, it's easier to miss the smaller details and make costly mistakes. If you fail, you'll feel disappointed and have a tough time beginning again.

For example, many people dream of running a marathon. However, they haven't yet put on their shoes and run to the end of the driveway. To succeed, think big in increments. Focus on getting out the door and around the block for a week. After that week, begin adding additional distance to your routine. Soon you should notice that your consistency is making it easier for you to get out that door and become a better runner.

How to leverage incremental change.

Since trivial things can have such a significant impact, you can use incremental change to your advantage. Think of what you want to accomplish and then narrow your view. The narrower your focus, the more you will see and experience.

Focus your efforts on taking small baby steps toward your goals, you’ll be more precise and get better results. Your attention to the minute details makes it easier to pivot if or when necessary, as opposed to the challenge of changing all the moving parts in a large goal.

Apply these principles to all areas of your life, whether it’s your career, family, relationships, or health. Each day, do one thing that supports your goals. Build on it the next day. You are looking for a cumulative effect. It doesn’t have to be something big – remember, slight changes have the biggest impact overall.

Changes in your behavior can change your life.

Whether you want to become the next Steve Jobs, launch a successful project, or learn a new skill, you need to begin with baby steps. Exchange any behaviors that hold you back for actions that move you forward.

Let's say you have a tough time following through on your goals. Lately, you always find excuses to skip your piano lessons. By doing that you'll never manage to learn the fundamentals and without them, you will never learn to play well.

Commit yourself to your lessons. Take them seriously just like you do with your job or family time. Schedule practice time as well. Start tiny with 5-10 minutes every day in the beginning.  What you’re doing is incrementally building a new positive habit. The key is not to become overwhelmed and give up.

Stick to the changes you’ve made. Don't jump from one thing to the next. Be consistent and take small steps toward your goals. For instance, if you begin meditating, practicing yoga, or playing the piano, do it every single day. Your goal is just to get better one day at a time.

Think small to go big, and the results will follow!

 Why do small things matter?

Ever heard of the Butterfly effect? According to the chaos theory, insignificant things can have major effects on the world around us.

Want another example? Think about the soda you drink every day. One 12-ounce container has about 150 calories. That's an extra 4,500 calories per month and 54,000 calories per year. It takes just 3,500 calories to gain one pound of fat. If you drink a can of soda daily, you'll pack on an extra fifteen pounds a year unless you burn off those calories.

There are plenty of examples of minuscule things that have had a great impact - and the same applies to your daily life.

My final thoughts.

You can have an influence on your life in small incremental ways. Remember, it’s the mindset of better. Something as simple as reading a book can lead to a major career shift or an aha moment in how you relate to your family. Tiny steps taken day by day accrue like interest in the bank. You won’t see a big change next week, but just give it a couple of years.

For more information, check out this post.

Why Small Goals Are the Secret To Success.

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Try Something New In Your Life

Gram’s Wisdom 39

Are you still growing? You don’t need to be at retirement age, to try something new. It could be you just want to make a change. What does it mean to try something new? For some, it may mean learning a new sport. For others, it could be trying new food. Whatever it means to you, the principle is the same for everyone: trying new things expands your world, opening your eyes, and heart to new possibilities, and that’s a great thing.

I spent a lot of time inside my head as a child. So, Gram would say “you’re more capable than you think, but you’ll never know it if you don’t try something new”. She was right, as usual.  You see, once you begin trying new things, you’ll uncover new things about yourself that you never knew before. You may have a hidden talent or a secret interest that can be transformed into something big.

My Gram believed expanding your world to be the single most overarching benefit of trying new things. She was good at combining a growth mindset (my term not hers) with travel and an intense interest in people to touch the lives of others. But since the years when Gram was teaching me to stretch, not stagnate myself, I have found other things to combine with growth that has benefits.

Growth comes from discomfort and loss of control.

When you step out of your comfort zone and into the wilderness of the unknown, a crazy thing happens. You learn and grow as an individual. It may not always be easy or comfortable, but it undoubtedly expands your mind and makes you aware of the possibilities life has to offer.

It’s a dichotomy because, in some respects, you lose control. Trying something new puts you in a vulnerable place—you’re not always sure what will happen, and you’re not 100% in control of the situation. But at the same time, losing control teaches you how to have control over the things you CAN control.

Ditch the excuses, raise the level of your courage.

In the past, you may have said something like, “No, I’ll try that next year,” regarding something new. An excuse can be an easy way out. It’s a coping mechanism, and it’s a sign of weakness. Courage is defined as the ability to do something that frightens you. Chances are, you may be a little frightened by the idea of trying something new – and that’s perfectly okay! But as you begin to try more new things, you’ll feel less inclined to make up excuses. It will boost your courage and stoke you with the confidence you need to tackle new things in the future.

Boredom can be your enemy.

Most people don’t like to be bored. You may enjoy quiet time or relaxation breaks, but being bored is a different story. The good news is it’s hard to be bored when you’re always mixing up your life with new adventures and events. The next time you feel a twinge of tedium tugging at you, try something new instead of endlessly scrolling on your phone. You’ll be surprised at how quickly you’ll get rid of the dull feeling!

It's exciting to find you like something new. It’s even better when you become skilled at it. Once you conquer one new thing, it feels like you can take on the world. You may begin with something small, like learning how to paint, and the next thing you know, you’ll be trying to learn a new instrument and master a new language.

Take your time when trying something new.

Trying something new doesn’t mean a quick experiment and washing your hands of the adventure right afterward. Trying something new is a whole adventure, and it should be enjoyed not rushed. Some things are hit or miss. You may not love everything you try, but you’ll undoubtedly find some activities, people, or interests that you never knew you could appreciate.

The next time someone invites you to do something a little different, you may want to consider saying yes. Trying something new teaches you that it’s been done before by others. You’re not alone in this adventure and the worst-case scenario is that you learn you don’t like it – and that’s not so bad, is it? So, go for it! Try it out and see what you can learn about yourself. You can always reach out to others for support and help in your venture.

There are opportunities to serve others in the new.

So, you try something, and you fall on your face – the bright side is that you earn a sense of humility. Pick yourself up and try again. Putting yourself out there takes guts and makes it that much better when you hit the bullseye. Sure, there will be failures, but it’s worth it to be able to celebrate your big wins. Make the most of your accomplishments.

People are vetted on their abilities to handle life and create exciting experiences for themselves. You can be that person. You can serve as a role model for new growth and opportunities for someone else, put yourself out there, and show them how it’s done!

Try something new = learn something new. Until you try, you won’t know how many opportunities there are.

Seven common things to add to your life.

When you’re ready to embark on a quest to find new, things here are some things to try.

1.  Blogging

Writing may not be your thing, but everyone has a story to tell, and people love stories. In your spare time, try out a blog to document what’s going on in your life. You can make it specific to your interests or your career, or you could keep it wide open for whatever thoughts dance through your mind.

2.  Cooking

Cooking gets a bad rap for being time-consuming, messy, and demanding. We may not all be a wizard in the kitchen, but every once in a while, it’s fun to create a big meal for yourself (or your friends and family). If this doesn’t sound appealing to you, then how about learning some kitchen shortcuts.

3.  Dance Lessons

It’s always a good idea to get your body moving when you can, and it’s an even better idea to move your body to music! When you’re itching to do something new, try out a new form of dance. It’s creative and active at the same time – win-win!

4.  Gardening

The best part about having your own garden is eating the food. Pair that with your cooking endeavor, and you’re set! The only caveat to gardening is that you must have enough space for one. But if you do, it’s well worth it to start growing your fruits, veggies, and herbs. Exercise, fresh air, and a chance to be in touch with mother nature make gardening into a pot of gold.

5.  Hiking

Depending on where you live, you may have forests nearby or mountains may be fully accessible to you. If that’s the case, you should take advantage of it by going on hikes regularly. It gets your blood pumping and gives you all kinds of beautiful sights to see. Hike alone or with some friends.

6.  Learn a New Language

Spare time should never become wasted time. You know that language you were always dying to learn? Seize extra time as the perfect opportunity to begin practicing. You’ll become multilingual before you know it!

7.  Meditation

At first glance, meditation may seem like the opposite of exciting. It’s calm, soothing, and super quiet. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be exciting, too! Meditation is an art and a historically backed practice. Many meditation websites have simple beginner meditations. Begin by trying one out for five minutes a day and see how you like it.

My final thought

What comes to mind when someone tells you to try something new? Are you eager to jump in and try it out, or are you afraid of possible unfavorable outcomes? See, most people get scared away by the thought of trying something they’ve never tried before. So, before you throw the idea away out of hand, spend a few moments considering what you could gain if you give it a try.

For more information, check out these posts.

Keep Trying New Things - No Matter What

An Opportunity To Push Back At Accepted Wisdom

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Do You Have A Retirement Mindset?

I loved my job working for a large corporation. My mother had worked for the same one for 35 years and retired at 55 with a nice pension and full health coverage. I wouldn’t be that fortunate. Eight months shy of the age and combined years of service I needed to retire, my building was closed, and I was out of a job.   

We spend much of our lives dreaming about our retirement. It’s exciting knowing that we'll be able to do what we want when we want. Having that kind of freedom sounds much better than waking to an alarm, rushing to a job, or working overtime to meet deadlines.

Yet, the plans the experts tell us to make for retirement all seem to center around saving money or investing money. No one has anything to say about our mindset as we prepare to leave a job that has become intrinsic to our identity. Nor do we get much useful information about occupying ourselves during retirement or how to bridge the gap between work and retirement if things don’t go as planned.

So, is retirement all it’s cracked up to be?

Continue reading to find out about retirement: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Retirement numbers.

According to studies from the National Center for Health Statistics, the average 65-year-old can expect to live until they’re almost 84. That’s 6 and a half years longer than it was back in 1940!

This is one reason why more people are going back to work during their retirement. Seven out of 10 people view working while they’re retired as a good thing. Based on a study carried out by Bankrate. 38% percent of those who participated in the study say they chose to go back to work during their retirement.

So, if retirees are expected to live longer, why are they unhappy? That takes us to the 35% who say they must work because they need the money. The final 27% are those who enjoy the work, while at the same time, relying on that extra bit of income.

Ready for another sobering statistic? Over 47% of people already retired are worried they may outlive their retirement savings.

Retirement mindset: truths and consequences.

Many imagine retirement to be traveling around the world footloose and fancy-free or going on long cruises. Others visualize themselves learning new hobbies or picking up old ones. Some people just want to enjoy their children and grandchildren while they’re still healthy enough to be able to.

That’s great, but have you thought about what you will do when the newness of retirement ends in a few months or a year? Take that thought a step further, what will you do to fill up that 8–10-hour Monday to Friday routine?

The truth is retirement becomes a period of lack of purpose and loneliness. Especially for those with no family or few friends. For many people, it slowly feels like you’ve disconnected from life as you once knew it.

This tends to lead to anxiety and stress. Other symptoms many retirees suffer from are obesity and high blood pressure. This is a direct result of leading a sedentary lifestyle. Watching too much TV and not eating the right types of food results in chronic diseases, and it only snowballs from there.

Also, those who retire tend to use less and less of their cognitive skills. This can lead to a decline in focus and concentration, which can eventually lead to dementia.

The Institute of Economic Affairs has a study on retirees who suffer from clinical depression after retiring. Their study found that the risk goes up to nearly 40% after retiring.

This comes as a direct result of losing the structure and schedule of having a steady job. Part of it is also missing out on the intellectual and social stimulus that work brings.

It’s understandable. Once retired, you give up the daily social interactions you’ve been accustomed to for years. You also give up the steady routine, which you used to hate, but realize, you miss more than ever.

Retirement is like the grieving process people go through when they lose a loved one. You must take it step-by-step and give yourself time to adjust and recalibrate.

I suggest a positive mindset. With time opened, so many things are possible for you. Create a new routine that helps you accomplish the necessities of your day both easily and quickly. Now you can take the time to do those things you had dreamed of for your retirement.

Money as your main goal.

Investment companies make a big buildup of telling us that the key to a successful life is saving up enough money so you can eventually quit working. It’s not particularly goal-oriented, but it accurately describes how many people feel about their work before retirement and after.

It somehow paints this image in your head that retirement is the end of life as you know it. After you’ve reached that milestone, it’s time to sit back, and live out your remaining years in a slow decline.

That could be what your parents’ or grandparents’ generation chose to do with their retirement years. However, many of you today want something that adds purpose to your lives.

Plus, it’s good to find a part-time job somewhere or work as a consultant. This keeps your mind sharp, which is necessary regardless of your age or life stage. Having that option also allows you to meet new people and learn new things.

Looking at the bigger picture.

The people I like the best are those who’re looking at the big picture. They know they’ve spent many years in the workforce. They also know it’s only fair to give the younger generation a chance, just as older generations did for them.

At the same time, they’re not sitting alone at home, feeling victimized. They’re out looking for jobs that fit into their new chapter of life. It could be full-time, part-time, non-profit volunteer work—the world is their oyster, and the choices belong to them.

They’re also out there in the world learning new things and meeting new people. Research shows that socially active retirees enjoy better physical and emotional health.

That’s the beauty of retirement. Being retired doesn’t mean you’ve become a statistic or fallen victim to old age. It means the path has slightly shifted to a new purpose. The best part is you’ve finally reached that point in your life where you get to set the rules.

Sure, you can put your feet up. You’ve certainly earned it!

But you should also keep yourself in good shape, both mentally and physically.

Here are a few ideas you can try to stay happy and healthy during your retirement.

·         Volunteer at local shelters, soup kitchens, or any non-profit organization

·         Take a class to keep your mind sharp and meet new people with similar interests

·         Go on regular walks or join a gym

·         Practice yoga, meditation, or tai chi

·         Set up a daily routine and stick to it

Remaining active in your senior years.

Depending on your age, and your general health, there are various ways you can stay healthy and energetic.

1.      Choose your favorite activity.

Instead of opting for an exercise routine that you are not very familiar with, choose your favorite sport or activity that helps you move more. This makes 'being active' fun and easy.

Good Options Include:

·      Walking

·      Dancing

·      Cycling

·      Swimming

·      Gardening

·      Weight Training: This helps you gain muscle mass which is lost as part of the aging process.

Remember to always ask your doctor before beginning any exercise program

2.      Tracking your progress.

Note your progress in a diary. This will help you track your progress and make necessary changes to your physical routine accordingly.

3.      Wear suitable clothing.

The clothes you wear while exercising should provide enough ventilation and flexibility for you to move freely. Also, wear appropriate shoes and other safety gear to have a good exercise experience.

4.      Drink enough water to avoid dehydration.

Seniors Who Have Had Little Experience of Being Active.

Better late than never! Even if you have never exercised, or have completely stopped exercising, you can always begin again now. Even by performing simple exercises such as a brisk walk every morning, you can develop muscle mass and help strengthen your bones.

Advantages Of Being an Active Senior Adult:

• Science proves that being active in old age can help prevent (or at least delay) disease and disability.

• Regular physical activities also help improve metabolism, blood circulation, and immune system health.

• Studies show that active senior adults are less prone to develop stress and are often in good mood. This in turn can help lower the risks of depression.

Getting regular physical activity helps keep you youthful, energized, and physically fit. As a result, you can enjoy your retirement that much more!

My final thoughts

Once you decide it’s time to retire, look back at all you’ve accomplished, and be proud. You’ve become wiser, more experienced, and certainly, tougher than you were a couple of decades ago.

Retirement is like the pot at the end of the rainbow. You have your heart set on it. Then, once it arrives, you’re so baffled by it, you don’t know what you’re supposed to do with it!

So, if you haven’t created a bucket list of everything you’d like to accomplish in your golden years, now is the time to do it. Then, to make your retirement more enjoyable, get out there, and begin ticking things off that list!

For more information, read these posts.

Retiring Minds Want To Know

Why Seniors Should Choose An Online Career

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Why Letter Writing Continues To Be Important

Gram’s Wisdom 38

While I am a journal writer and have been for years, my Gram wasn’t. Instead, she was a busy correspondent, writing to friends and absent family. Her letters would be bursting with news and questions. Why even I received letters when she was on vacation and reading them was almost like our conversations. I often wondered how she found the time to write, but I missed her and was glad she did.

You see, Gram’s letters were more than just wonderful descriptions of new locales or the different kinds of foods she would have eaten there recently. They were also full of interesting stories about the people she met. Before Gram closed the letter, she would ask me specific questions about what I was doing, how I was behaving and had I done anything special in her absence. And she expected me to write a detailed return letter.

The lessons I learned about letter-writing seemed to me, to begin with, mindfulness. The gathering of pen and paper, as well as your thoughts. Sitting down in your favorite space to begin communication with your recipient.

Then there are the feelings to convey and not just the passing on of information. The right words of sympathy to the lonely widow or an uplifting message to the man passed over for the promotion he deserved can make a huge difference in how they feel. Gram told me this is about communicating your understanding and keeping it individual and personal to them.

Generosity is another big deal here. It takes time to write a well-thought-out letter, and no one feels they have enough of that commodity any longer. When you hand-write a letter, you are in essence telling your recipient that you value them and that they are important to you.   

Many years later, Gram gave me a shoebox full of letters and placed on top a small bundle of letters I had written to her through the years. When I reread the words, I had written to her, I saw a fresh way of looking at some “pearls” she had been teaching me.

I chose the following 3 ways to get you started on your letter-writing habit. They are simple and relevant. Pick one and write that first letter.

How letter-writing can help attain your goal.

Letter-writing helps you attain your goal because it compels you to think about it, considering not only the why and the how, of the situation but the commitment you need to make to reach that goal.

It offers a living record. 

Having a record of the things you will do or have done in your life, whether it’s personal or work, is a beautiful thing. Hardly anyone has a perfect memory, so you’ll preserve the lessons you’ve learned even better with a record to look back at.

It provides accountability.

A letter helps you become accountable to yourself and to the friend or family member you have written to. Your habit of updating your correspondent about the progress of your goal will help you to become more accountable. 

It can be inspirational.

It’s more than possible that by watching you from afar, your friend sees the steps you have consistently taken to reach your goal and is inspired to act on a project. You might also be able to compile the steps from several of your letters into a course that would inspire many people.

Letter-writing to reduce loneliness.

It doesn’t matter what your issue is; if you want to overcome it, you can find a way to use letters to help. If it’s loneliness you’re experiencing, then more social interactions should be a benefit. The possibilities are truly limitless.

You can communicate your thoughts and feelings.

Writing is a time-honored way of communicating thoughts and feelings safely. You never have to let anyone read it. You can write it down in the form of letters to people, or yourself, that you keep when you’re done.

It helps nurture social connections.

It might seem like a strange notion to consider, but writing can even help you nurture social connections. The main reason is that as you read through what you’ve written, you’re going to discover ways to overcome your situation to find the healthy social connections you need.

You see the big picture more easily.

Looking over the things you’ve written in the past about any topic can provide insight into the situation that you were unaware of. The letters you wrote provide a way to see the bigger picture. You may feel lonely today, but it’s still less than yesterday, which lets you know it’s going to get even better from here.

Vacation letter-writing tips.

An excellent way to remember everything you’ve done is to keep a vacation letter for yourself. You’ll write an open-ended letter from the beginning of the trip to the end and add mementos and memories into the letter so that you can look back on it with pleasure and happiness. Plus, when you share your trip with others, your letters will be exciting and fun to read.

Write a little something every day.

Once you’re on the trip, don’t miss out on writing on any day. Try to find time to write in your letter when the experience is vivid in your mind. A sentence or a paragraph can be enough.

Add physical reminders to the letter.

Don’t just add text to your letter - also add color, images, and mementos. For example, save your tickets, the map from a day of sightseeing, or other little things you touched during your trip. It’s not necessary to buy anything extra to do this part.

Remember to write what was good as well as the bad.

You don’t want to look back on the trip and see that it’s not written realistically. It’s perfectly okay to talk about what was good and bad about the trip. Maybe you learned that you need different shoes if you’re going to walk that much? It’s a good thing to write down.

What have you learned from each day?

Add some fun facts that you learned about your destination, the people you met, the people you traveled with, and yourself. For example, did you learn that you love people watching when you didn’t know you did? Did you discover a historical fact previously unknown?

My final thoughts

When it comes to letter-writing, it’s like any other mode of communication. The important thing is to share yourself with someone in the hope that they in turn will share something of themselves with you. I can hardly imagine anything better than a years-long correspondence with a long-time friend or family member.

If you are interested in learning more about letter-writing, check out this post.

5 Life-Affirming Benefits of Writing Letters by Hand, According to Research

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Dislike Writing? Try Creating A Visual Journal

Do you have ideas or thoughts buzzing around inside your brain that you want to capture, but you dislike writing? Beyond creating the simplest of to-do lists, is sitting down to write a form of torture? Even if you have a script or prompts to help you, are you unable to get any words out of your head and down on paper?

Writing a diary or journal has been done since ancient times to record lives and events. Yet, journaling as a powerful self-help tool has massively gained in popularity since the 1960s. A New York City psychologist by the name of Dr. Ira Progoff began offering workshops in the use of the Intensive Journal method. Today people keep a journal to both record their feelings and to improve themselves with the knowledge they gain from it.

You can purchase a variety of journals online from stores such as Amazon as well as in bookshops. Coaches and therapists also use journaling to help clients. It is also incredibly easy to journal on your own in just a plain paper notebook or digital notebook.  However, all journaling has one thing in common and that is writing.

So how can you journal if you dislike writing?

Draw or doodle pictures.

From simple to complex, any kind of picture that expresses your emotions and situation will help. After you've drawn the picture, you can label and annotate it. If you leave a blank page opposite your drawing then you can come back and review it later and jot down any additional thoughts, emotions, and responses. Quite often this simple method will get you writing quickly.

Why not try using different types of pens or pencils to make your journaling more interesting and stimulating. Color is also a good way to convey emotion.

Mind maps, diagrams, and graph paper.

If you are journaling about a problem, then you might consider using a diagram such as a mind map or decision tree. Diagrams are powerful because they are visual and help you to see patterns and connections more easily. If you are trying to decide, then you can illustrate the different outcomes and results to help you formulate the best decision. Graph paper is good for creating graphs and charts. Again, adding in color not only makes them more attractive but can highlight connections.

Use prompts.

Using a simple prompt such as a word or question can help break the blank page syndrome and inspire you to unburden yourself onto the empty page in front of you. You mustn't feel that you need to write a lot or even in full sentences. The journal and act of journaling must relate to your needs at that moment in time and this will vary day-to-day.

You could consider purchasing a journal designed for the specific use you need. There is a lot of weight loss, gratitude, happiness, habit tracker, and other journals available. Many of these will include prompts and recording methods that don't require a lot of writing.

Create a vision board/ collage.

Get some magazines or newspapers and cut out words, phrases, paragraphs, or even articles that relate to your situation or emotions at that point. Add in pictures that you find that could demonstrate how you are feeling or want to feel. Get some colorful stickers to ideas or emotions. Again, you can annotate it to make it truly personal. Leave a blank page so that you can revisit and review later and add in additional journaling.

Use speech to text.

While writing using a pen and paper is probably the most powerful method of journaling you can also use dictation software such as Google Docs Voice Typing, Microsoft Dictate, or Otter.AI. You'll need the software and a computer with a microphone to use this method. It may be easier to begin your journaling journey by speaking to the computer and imagining you are chatting to a friend or just yourself. The software will 'write' what you say, and you can save the document so that you can review it later.

You may choose to keep your journal electronically in which case you can review it and add any later thoughts and feelings by typing or dictating through the speech recognition software. Or you may decide to print it out and keep it in a binder. If you do print it out, you can embellish it with those stickers you got or make additional notes on the hard copy.

Don’t make it a chore be flexible

Journaling does not have to be undertaken every day for a set period that doesn’t suit you. Many people journal every day for 20 minutes as that is the method that suits them best. However, it may be that twice a week for 10 minutes serves your purpose.

Alternatively, you may choose to only journal when you feel you need it. Some days it may be that you choose to use a prompt or picture to kick-start your writing. Other days you may find that the words flow, and you can write without stopping.

The main points to remember are that the journal is a personal document designed to help you and that it is designed to be used and revisited. It's a living document and there is no correct or incorrect way for you to create or use it.

My final thought.

I keep two journals. I have a gratitude journal I use in the morning and a stream of consciousness journal I write in before bedtime. I am not strict about the amount of time I write, nor do I beat myself up if I miss a day, and neither should you. It’s your journal and it should be of benefit to you and not add to your stress.

For more information, check out these posts.

How To Start A Journaling Practice And Actually Stick With It.

Journaling Is The Gift Of Self-Development

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Be Independent And Stand On Your Own

Gram’s Wisdom 37

Independence is an ability that not everyone is born with and even those who can have it are unwillingly suppressed. Of course, everyone must become somewhat independent as they grow up towards adulthood, but it’s much easier for some people to embrace their independence than others. Avoiding independence as an adult creates difficulties in many areas of your life, especially as you enter business and romantic relationships. Learning to be your own strongest supporter is crucial to success in any area of your life.

The Consequence of Independence.

Gram told me that it’s hard for people to comprehend that they, themselves, are responsible for all the incidents in their lives. Many people will argue that point, they believe that things happen to them. But the truth is the choices you make structure your life. Your decisions inform your direction. Being realistic about this is healthy and necessary. If you know you can rely on, and take total care of yourself, you can accomplish anything.

My Gram was widowed at 28 and raised 6 children under the age of 8. She knew a thing or two about standing on your own two feet. She assured me that standing on your own is as much willpower as education. Once, Gram told me that learning to stand on your own two feet isn’t about asserting that dependence is always an unattractive or undesirable trait. Gram said it is healthy to be able to believe in others.

What you don’t want to do is place your potential for happiness in someone else’s hands, or under someone else’s control. She said you want to form your own opinions about who you are, not rely on someone else’s treatment of you to tell you whether you are a good person.

 She called that an unhealthy dependence and felt it was harmful to a relationship. In other words, you should never depend on someone else to do for you, what you should do for yourself.

How can I be an independent, not a codependent person?

When you become overly dependent on someone, or codependent, you become a burden. Some personality types may enjoy having a codependent relationship - but these are not healthy personalities, and they do not result in healthy relationships. Instead, you should strive for healthy independence in your life because it gives you many choices that collectively can create a successful, fulfilling life.

You must learn to trust your judgment, make your own decisions, and not second guess yourself. There is great strength in being able to decide for yourself and not having to rely on anyone else for validation of the choices you make. When you do this, you build healthy self-esteem, you become a stronger person, and you become the type of person that others look up to.

One of the healthiest things you can do is learn to be by yourself and enjoy your own company. Don’t be afraid to go to a restaurant, art gallery, or movie alone. Don’t be afraid to go anywhere alone! Learn to appreciate being by yourself, even if you’re surrounded by people. Take walks alone. Go to the park alone and read a book. Go to the beach alone and listen to the waves. Learn to make your own life an adventure, independent of anyone else.

Four tips for becoming more independent.

1. External Forces - Becoming free from external forces allows you to make your own decisions and be satisfied with the outcome. If you have healthy self-esteem, you will rely on yourself for decisions and choices. You won’t look at others for validation, and you won’t constantly be worried about second-guessing yourself. You’ll have an intelligent basis for your choices, and you won’t be swayed by culture, society, religion, or upbringing. You will be free to think for yourself in all instances.

2. Internal Reactions - When you are free from internal reactions, you aren’t emotionally reactive. You have reasoned responses to situations rather than emotional knee-jerk reactions. You think about things. You weigh options, benefits, and drawbacks. You educate yourself to make good judgments. And you’ll direct your life in such a way that you will experience happiness instead of regret.

3. The Past - Freedom from the past is one of the biggest freedoms you can experience. So many people live in the past as if they can change it. Nothing in the past can be changed, ever. The only thing you can do is move forward having learned lessons about what to do and what not to do, what works and what doesn’t. Fixating on past mistakes holds you captive to those mistakes, even if you want to move forward. You’ll be controlled by mistakes instead of taking your life in a new, healthy, positive direction. The past needs to be left in the past, the lessons learned internalized and used to make smarter assessments in the future.

4. Love - The freedom to love unconditionally can help you heal from the inside out. Learn to love unreservedly, and then love those people you might most want to hate. Allow yourself to feel compassion, patience, peace, and passion. Learn to let go of drama, negativity, and all the other things that you feel hold you back. Allowing yourself to love unconditionally gives others what they need. Allowing yourself to be loved unconditionally allows you to get what you desire.

Those with a healthy sense of independence can give of themselves without feeling used up or taken advantage of. They can respond happily to the needs of others and are a source of amazing positive energy to those who know them.

My final thought

There can be no better feeling than the sense of freedom and accomplishment when you stand independently on your own two feet, meeting other people as an equal.

For more information, read these posts.

10 Key Lessons In The Art Of Being Self-Reliant

Don’t Wait For Others To Believe In you

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How Strong Is Your Resolve?

So, already making excuses for falling off the New Year resolution wagon? You needn’t be embarrassed, so are 80-90 percent of others who made resolutions. Instead, take heart it’s not completely your fault. You see, it’s not all about willpower, creating positive habits is equally important.

Do you ever wish you could develop your willpower? Well, you can. Willpower works a lot like a muscle. Exercise it regularly, and it becomes stronger. The key is to make using your willpower a daily habit, and that’s easier than you may think.

Willpower plus positive habits.

Having plenty of willpower is a good thing. While some people seem to have more of it than others, many people struggle from time to time with not having enough. Sure, you can get better at reaching your goals with practice and discipline. But, if that's all it took, everyone would be skinny, fit, and in good financial shape. That’s just not how the world works though, and at times, we all struggle with finding the willpower to reach our long-term goals. 

Luckily, there’s another strategy and skill set that’s just as important as willpower. It’s creating positive habits and routines as a support system for your willpower. Here’s how this works and what it has to do with willpower. Let’s say you want to make a positive change in your life. It doesn’t matter what that is. It could be to read more books specific to your career, so you can learn more and become better at what you do. Or it could be to journal to understand your behavior better.

Begin with a goal in mind.

The simplest way to make sure you are exercising your willpower daily is to work towards a goal. When you have a reason and a purpose, you don’t have to remember what to do to work out those exercise muscles. You just do something that positions you closer to your goal each day.

Consider what that should be. It helps to focus on a single goal at a time instead of trying to change too many things in your life. Pick one area, one thing you want to change or improve and set your goal. Make it a measurable goal with a deadline connected to it. Instead of saying that you want to lose weight, make your goal to lose 25lbs. By Easter, for example.

Alter your goal into a plan using a daily action item.

Once your goal is set, it’s time to come up with a plan for what you need to do to reach said goal. It’s just a matter of considering what you need to do daily to go from where you are today to where you want to be and thus achieve your goal. Let’s look at an example. Let’s say your goal is to get fit enough to run a 5K race in six months. To make that happen, you must work out daily, starting with brisk walks, then a mixture of walking and jogging, graduating to daily runs that get longer and longer until running 5K will be an easy task. 

The plan then is to begin week one with daily 30-minute walks, for example. Those are your daily action items. It gives you something specific to do to exercise your willpower and something measurable you can track.

Use strategies in addition to willpower to establish new habits.

Lastly, it’s time to turn this willpower exercise into a habit. The easiest way to do this is to establish new positive routines. Willpower and habits work together. You must pay attention to both and use them in tandem. Use your willpower to create new habits one at a time. Once that new behavior has become a real habit, you can focus on the next one. Going back to the earlier examples of reading and journaling, start with one of them.

At first, it takes a lot of willpower to make yourself read a few pages or go through 15 minutes of journaling. A better strategy would be to wake up, prepare your coffee, get comfortable in your favorite chair, or sit on the couch and do your reading there. Make sure your book is waiting for you there, and you have reading glasses and light to read by if needed. Add a fun pillow or throw to create a cozy reading spot that you look forward to using. Then begin to establish the habit by using your willpower to make it happen every morning, come rain or shine.

Stick to your new habit.

Follow this new habit until it becomes something you no longer even think about completing. Establishing this new routine can take anywhere from one to three months. Stick with it until it’s just what you do in the morning. Then begin adding the journaling to the mix using the same strategy of having a notebook and pens at the ready in a comfortable place to write until it has become a real habit.

If you use your willpower wisely and add strategies, it will become easier to make this happen every morning. Before you know it, your new task has become a habit and part of your overall routine. At that point, it doesn’t take willpower anymore. Just like you don’t need to remind yourself to brush your teeth.

My final thoughts.

It would be nice to have an extra boost of willpower when you need it most. So, make your plans to reach your goals, add strategies that can increase your success, and avoid the urge to quit.

Another trick to help you stick to your habit is to make it visual by adding it as a recurring event on your calendar.

For more information, read these posts.

New Year Resolution Statistics

Why We Fail To Achieve Our New Year Resolutions

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Get That Gratitude Feeling

Gram’s Wisdom 36

My Gram taught me how to get along in the world. She believed gratitude and thankfulness were the beginning of everything good. That if you were grateful for all you had and thanked others for the things they do for you, good fortune would follow.

Once, Gram told me happiness was obtained from gratitude. That was enough to convince me. I saw how happy and content she was, and I knew that was what I wanted in my life.

Gram had a positive outlook on life and saw the best in everyone, never speaking badly of anyone. She never took anyone for granted. Consequently, she had many friends of all ages.

One of the things Gram would always do when I called or visited was to tell me what she felt grateful for that day. Gram was appreciative of everything big and especially of the small. I learned from her that expressing gratitude out loud nudges others to do the same and offers a huge thank you to the universe.

Learn to speak the language of gratitude.

Practicing gratitude is an excellent habit. Gratitude holds the key to life's greatest abundance, instantly increasing positivity and happiness. Fortunately, gratitude is not something you are born with or without — and that is wonderful — because nearly everyone has a shot at unlocking gratitude's limitless abundance and joy.

Grateful people speak a language that includes words like blessings, abundance, givers, good fortune, and gifts. They concentrate on what others have done for them, rather than on what they do for others.

With more practice, gratitude is something anyone can grow, and it makes life better in so many ways. However, that doesn't mean it will be simple or easy to do, especially for people who are not familiar with speaking the language of gratitude.

Are you lacking gratitude?

According to Albert Einstein, "there are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Let's classify the former as a complainer and the latter as a grateful person. Since gratitude is a mindset, a complainer has a negative mindset whereas one who is grateful has a positive mindset. Regardless of who you are your go-to responses direct your life in so many ways.

People who complain, instinctively criticize, see multiple reasons why something won't work, are overly preoccupied with the lives of other people, tend to feel envy, easily feel sad, blame others, and often feel angry and frustrated.

How to be grateful in life.

Grateful people, genuinely feel happier with their lives no matter how small or simple a blessing is; they are sensitive to recognizing the good things around them. Because they are predisposed to feel gratitude, they are also more positive, appreciative, have better relationships and connections with others, do not need flashy things to feel good, and are generally more resilient when challenges arise.

There's a big difference in the way people who complain vs. people who are grateful think and behave. That is where cultivating gratitude becomes very important. Gratitude is the path to the bright side of life, whereas complaining, finding fault, making excuses, fear, and a whole range of negative emotions tend to come too easily for many of us. Humans are naturally wired with a negative bias.

The whole point of gratitude is to go beyond our naturally limited ways of thinking to unlock greater abundance, happiness, hope, and more positivity in our lives. But if you don't speak the language of a particular position, it can be very difficult to understand the people who do and speak it yourself. This is the same way with gratitude. You need to learn and practice speaking the language of thankfulness to become a more grateful person.

Here are 7 great ways to become more grateful each day:

Be present now.

Gratitude begins by being entirely present now. This simple precept means you have a strong awareness of the here and now, rather than what is gone (past) and what is yet to be (future), which causes a change in perception. From there, all your senses can appreciate and see everything more clearly, unhindered by worries about what is yet to be and negative emotions about what is already gone.

A gratitude journal can rewire your brain.

Maintaining a gratitude writing habit in a journal keeps the momentum of gratitude going. Having a journal to write your gratitude list every day or as often and consistently as possible rewires your brain, making you more prone to gratefulness.

List what you are grateful for daily.

If you have already begun a gratitude journal, writing letters of gratitude or a simple gratitude list every day can boost the momentum. According to research, it takes just 8 weeks of consistent gratitude practice to begin realizing the benefits of gratitude training and rewire the pattern of your brain to be more prone towards gratitude and positivity.

Begin your day with a goal to be grateful.

Being deliberate is always key, and such is the case with gratitude, too. Begin each day with the correct mindset; find at least one thing you're grateful for and focus on that. Write it down, keep it with you, and let your grateful thoughts permeate your consciousness throughout the day.

Look at the world from a new perspective.

A crucial step to being more appreciative is learning to live out of your bubble. Look for different perspectives. Get creative and move out of your comfort zone. Meet and mingle with people from a different group than you're accustomed to. Learning new perspectives will open your mind to seeing things and people differently and valuing what you have more.

Walk in another’s shoes.

Putting yourself in another person's shoes leaves you with a changed viewpoint, so you're able to see life differently, more clearly, and hopefully, better.

Find gratitude in hard times.

"It takes sadness to know happiness," according to one famous quote. Forgetfulness is one of the main reasons why people are not as grateful as they should be. Oftentimes, people forget those who helped them through obstacles; other times, people forget, or never learned, the lessons behind a difficult journey.

Remembering the hardships that you went through and how you overcame them causes you to appreciate what you have at present better. This helps you become a more grateful and humble person.

My final thought:

Don’t save your gratitude just for the big things that occur in your life. If you want to be truly grateful, don’t be picky. There is nothing too insignificant to be thankful for. You should appreciate everything, from your health to morning coffee and the birds who freely sing their gratitude.

For more information, read these posts:

13 Ways to Be Grateful for What You Have

What Are You Feeling Grateful for Today

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