You deserve the same kindness you show others

Your kindness is not about making sacrifices or denying your own needs. Treating others kindly shouldn’t be viewed as a burden or another check mark on your to-do list.

It’s the visible expression of living positively. Kindness is all about mindset, and you can train your brain to make kindness almost habitual. Have you noticed that being kind to someone makes you feel good as well? It’s because selflessness promotes a chemical reaction in your brain, releasing serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine. These chemicals not only make you feel good but also aid in the reinforcement of positive social behavior. By establishing new neural pathways, you set yourself up to live a more positive, kinder life.

Here are some scientifically proven tips to bring about added kindness into your brain.

A |Choosing kindness

In choosing to be kind, you are intentionally changing your mindset to treat people with compassion and empathy. Observe the effect your kindness has on others. When you smile, people’s natural reaction is to smile in return. You set up a kindness loop that keeps on paying itself forward!

Choosing to be kind, regardless of your mood, can even turn a grouchy day into a happier one. Your brain receives the message that all is well, and almost like magic, you’re feeling more cheerful.

B |Do more random acts of kindness

Studies show that performing five random acts of kindness each week is the single most effective way of increasing your happiness. Anything from buying a pay it forwards coffee, to bringing a cooked meal to a new mom, or mowing your neighbor’s lawn will make you and the other guy or gal feel good. (My husband’s favorite is to pay for the groceries of someone who appears to need a lift.)

C |Practice being grateful

Make it a daily practice to count your blessings. While I believe this is good for everything, research shows that people are happier when they notice the good things in their lives and express gratitude for it. The outcome is so evident that it changes your brain structure! Brain scans have shown the effect of mindfulness and gratitude.  The parts of the brain associated with stress shrink, while the regions associated with self-awareness and compassion grow.

Now that you have some ideas about how to increase your kindness mindset let’s put that new mindset to work on you.

Be kind to yourself 4 ways

Some days are not so good. Maybe you’re tired and grumpy from the get-go. And things seem to spiral downward from there. You spill your coffee, the washer overflowed and it’s your turn to provide lunch for your book club. You’re running late and you wish you could get a do-over.

If you’re having a terrible day, stop, take a deep breath, let it out, and take a little time out to be kind to yourself. You can’t undo the bad things that have already happened, but you can turn around your bad day right now. Here are four simple things you can do to be kind to yourself and put a stop to a bad day. 

1.  Celebrate your small wins

Sometimes it can feel like an accomplishment to get through the day at all! If you’re having a bad day, write down in your journal all your wins, big, and small.

If you took the time to eat lunch, made it to the gym or yoga class, fed your family, and walked the dog you are on a winning streak!  Make it fun and pat yourself on the back for all the check marks on your list. Make it even more fun by writing down the bad things that didn’t happen. You didn’t spill coffee on your boss; you didn’t get mired in traffic, and you didn’t forget to pick up the kids.

2.  Plan a treat

If your day is moving from bad to worse, plan to do something special, luxurious, and relaxing. A long bath with the good bath oil, and order takeout for dinner. Book a weekend away or meet up for a quiet dinner with your partner or a friend.

It isn’t so important what you do if you give yourself something to look forward to!

3.  Reset your self-talk

Take a moment to check in on how you talk to yourself. Do you berate yourself? Are the words ‘you always’ or ‘you never’ frequently voiced in your self-talk? Or maybe ‘you’re no good’, or ‘why don’t you’?

Then it’s time to reset your inner critic to become your inner champion and turn that self-talk around. Would you speak to a friend like that? No way! Then why be unkind to yourself? Everyone has bad days, you need encouragement, not beating up!

4.  Take time out

When all appears to be going wrong, you can halt that negative spiral by taking a break. Get out of the office if you can, go and do some deep breathing in the park, look at the sky and listen to the birds, or failing that, look out of the window for a few minutes.

Practice some deep breathing and maybe have herbal tea or a glass of water. Anything that can ground you and make you feel calmer and more in control.

My final thought

Like so many other things, kindness is seen as something we do for others and not ourselves. Without replenishment, it becomes a dwindling resource. But with the right kindness self-care mindset, we should be able to refill our depleted supply and be kinder to everyone we meet and most especially to ourselves.

Did you find this post beneficial?  Then kindly share it with your family and friends.