How Your Mindset Influences Self-Discipline

Mindset influences on people

According to Stanford University psychologist and researcher, Carol S. Dweck, there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who have a fixed mindset and those with a growth mindset. Let’s delve into how your mindset influences self-discipline.

Look at the difference between fixed and growth mindsets?

People with fixed mindsets believe their characteristics, traits, and skill-sets are set in stone and, therefore, can’t be changed. They are more likely to attribute success to natural talent and feel strongly about – and proud of – their current level of perceived brilliance, skill, or brainpower, rather than looking for improvements through hard work and focus.

People having growth mindsets, quite to the contrary, assume that talent, skill, and intelligence are changeable and can grow with practice, learning, and hard work. They acknowledge that wherever they stand, there is always room for improvement. They view success as attainable regardless of the starting point. No aspiration is too large.

Your fixed mindset can be the bane of self-discipline

If you follow Dweck’s model, it’s easy to see how a fixed mindset is the enemy of self-discipline. Let’s say, for example, that you want to lose weight. Maybe you compare yourself to a very slim or physically fit friend.

What if you hear this friend say things such as “I’ve always been small,” “I have a fast metabolism,” and “No matter what I do, I just can’t seem to gain weight!” This person seems to eat and drink whatever they want, never exercise (as far as you know) and look fantastic. While you, on the other hand, can’t seem to lose weight no matter what.

You conclude that you “just have a slow metabolism,” “accept that you’re probably not meant to be any smaller,” and believe it’s beyond your power to make the change you desire.

The truth is that your fixed beliefs are holding you back from reaching your goals, nothing more. Your fixed mindset robs you of your power. It puts space between you and the idea that although it may take more effort than you’re accustomed to, you can change if you choose.

It's all about perspective. More often than not, people who’ve achieved results you only dream of have generally put in much more work and effort behind the scenes than is evident on the outside. They just don’t talk about it.

Think about “overnight celebrity.” Tales of people who seemingly come out of nowhere to instant stardom. You’ve never heard of them before, then suddenly you see them everywhere and they make it look so easy. Yet, when you look at their past, you find that they’ve been working extremely hard for years, finally had a big break, and now are reaping the benefits of the seeds they’d been sewing for years.

A fixed mindset is often closed to ideas of hard work, patience, determination, persistence, trial, and error, and learning as you go. Yet, these are the exact traits that self-discipline is all about.

“Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Having a growth mindset makes self-discipline unavoidable

Just as a fixed mindset is the enemy of self-discipline, a growth mindset supercharges self-discipline and positions it as the top tool in your goal-setting toolbox.

Let’s return to our example of weight loss, assuming a growth mindset this time. What changes?

Well, first of all, you acknowledge that you may have struggled with your weight in the past, but you decide that it has no bearing on your future. You’re positive you can change.

If you do think you “have a slow metabolism,” rather than assume it’s preventing you from losing weight, you’ll go to the doctor, have some tests run, and gain concrete evidence of such and recommendations for how to improve the situation.

Furthermore, you educate yourself on healthy, sustainable weight loss methods, taking your lifestyle, preferences, and limitations into consideration. You realize that the process may take some time, and it won’t always be fun, yet you’re aware of why you want to lose weight in the first place, commit to the goal and believe that with time, focus and determination, you can make it happen.

What is your mindset?  

In ‘Mindset: The New Psychology of Success’, Dweck explains that it’s common to have a fixed mindset in some areas and a growth mindset in others.

If you’re naturally introverted and more on the shy side, you may have low confidence in social situations. Yet a growth mindset may push you to step outside your comfort zone and go to events where you’ll meet new people and try new things. On the other hand, since you’ve always been shy, perhaps you spent lots of time reading books and studying as a younger person, thus effortlessly achieving academic success. You may consider yourself “naturally smart” and have a fixed mindset in this area.

How to change your mindset

Taking the first step to improving your self-discipline is to become self-aware. If you examine your personality and find that you have a fixed mindset, understand that you can change. Dweck explains, “Mindsets are just beliefs. They're powerful beliefs, but they're just something in your mind, and you can change your mind.”

My final thought

I believe that most of us have some fixed and some growth mindset traits. I also believe that whatever mindset traits make up your majority is fine. You are in control of your mindset and the changes you make.   

Thank You for reading this post. I hope you will share it with your family and friends.

Is Patience Still A Virtue?

Tolerance behaving as patience

I believe the most important aspect of tolerance is patience. Instead of patience and kindness, what we see are people seemingly frustrated at every turn and behaving badly. Why? Because they believe they are entitled to instant gratification in every situation and that it’s acceptable to bully others.  

I am pleased to be able to say I am a fairly patient person, but that has not always been the case. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I can wait in the longest of lines, I can get caught in a traffic jam, or wait to finish a project because the person who was to hand it off to me hasn’t finished their part yet.

What I can’t tolerate is the person who huffily waits in the same line as the rest of us making nasty remarks, or the crazy driver who tries to get around everyone else just to sit at the same traffic light, or those who complain that if Bob’s kid wasn’t ill, he might have gotten his portion of the report completed earlier.

Yep, you heard it right. I had a hard time dealing with other people’s impatience. I used to be more confrontational with them and call them out for it. It riled me up, and made no difference. But about 7 years ago I concluded that it was a useless waste of time on my part. So, I stopped.

“Tolerance and patience should not be read as signs of weakness, they are signs of strength.”

— Anonymous

Unfortunately, it seems there are more and more people who take advantage of the patience and tolerance of others. Me, I never mind waiting until it’s my turn, but just to be clear, I want my turn. Just a couple of weeks ago I overheard a woman at the grocery store in line tell another who cut in that she had been waiting. The woman who cut in line told her to shut up and mind her own business.

Guess what? The cashier called the manager. Kudos to her.

Here are 4 quick tips about patience:

1 | Societal views of impatience. People will generally see the impatient person as being selfish, bad-tempered, arrogant, irritable, and insensitive to the feelings of others. But that doesn’t mean you can’t change. Patience is a learned skill that anyone who desires it can gain for themselves.

2 | Success comes to those who wait. We hear it all the time, “there are no quick fixes.” Hand in hand with that is the knowledge that some things just can’t be rushed. Which is not to say you should sit on your hands and do nothing. Instead, patience in these instances allows you to make better decisions.  

3 | Become more mindful of your world. Mindfulness helps you to be increasingly thoughtful and introspective. This helps you to slow down and see where you and others fit into the world more clearly.  

4 | Journal your feelings. Write down what frustrates you and how it makes you feel. This type of self-reflection written daily can aid you in observing yourself objectively. Work through those things that recur most often first.

A final thought

I am going back to calling people out. Because someone needs to stand up to bullies and remind them that we all can’t be first and that others are just as important as they are.

I hope you found this post of some value. I would love to hear your opinions. Please share this with your family and friends.

CHOOSE A WORD SKIP THE RESOLUTION

Choose your word for 2020

I have chosen the word tolerance as my word for 2020. I have in mind though, several of its meanings, the more common broad-minded, as well as patience, endurance, and forbearance. My phrase is I am strong.

Words are beautiful. And I absolutely love the ones that roll off your tongue, or ones that leave an image in your mind’s eye. While those kinds of words don’t seem fashioned to make words of the year material, every dictionary or thesaurus is full of many possible choices.

So, keeping that in mind I would urge everyone to come up with a word to describe how you want to be inspired during the year, or a word that will make you feel a particular way, or a word that shouts out your intention for the year. 

It’s not too late for you to choose a word, a phrase, or both for this year. Words have the power to resonate beyond their ability to describe things, or when used for communication with one another. When used for your year, it’s meaning will be special to you and as unique as you and your life are.

For example:

I chose to use simplify as my word last year because an ongoing situation in my personal life determined that it would be the best fit for me. It was the right word and it served me well as I simplified how I ran my home and business so I could spend my time on something more important to me.

“I am a lover of truth, a worshipper of freedom, a celebrant at the altar of language and purity and tolerance.”

— Stephen Fry

Of course, if the above doesn’t suit you there are still those people who go the resolution route, though I don’t advise it.

Skip that resolution

Let’s begin with a raised hand if your New Year resolution has gone by the wayside, never to be seen again. Kudos to those of you who are still on track with your goal.

For those of you who have failed to stick with it, you’re certainly not alone. Most of you will have either bitten off more than you can chew, chosen a goal not your own because it’s popular, or made zero effort to plan and follow it through.

Every year that you don’t complete your resolution makes it that much more likely you won’t complete the next one either. Please do yourself a favor and don’t set yourself up for failure at the beginning of each new year.

I hope you found this post instructive. Please share it with your family and friends.