Gram’s Wisdom 25: Internal harmony

As a teenager, I fell prey to the feeling that I’d be missing out on something if I didn’t have a school and social calendar with every moment filled. Unfortunately, what I felt was frazzled and drained. Nothing was fun

My Gram took me to task when she noticed I was burning the candle at both ends. First, she told me that I was out of harmony with my personality. Second, she said that doing too much didn’t allow me time to appreciate any one thing.  

Gram and I discussed the necessity of being still and listening to that inner voice that we all have. She told me that if I quietly listened this would be the place from which I could make my decisions and find internal harmony.

I bet you probably have friends and family who are always rushing about and complaining about their lack of alone time. Perhaps they don't even say anything about it because this is the way they have always been, and it seems normal to them. Every moment, they're busy. Maybe you're one of them.

If you examine the lives of overly busy people, you'll probably find that they're not contented, happy people. There's always much to do and so little time. Their lives are often out of sync. Perhaps you're reading this because you feel in a hurry yourself. Do whatever it takes to slow down and reap the benefits of being still.

Harmony is found in the quiet of mind and body

Gram said to me “You can be quiet in body and quiet in mind. Both are important.”  Being still physically saves you much energy and effort. You feel less depleted by the end of the day. Mental quietness has a similar effect on your psychological, intellectual, and emotional energy.

All you must do to achieve stillness of body is to finish your chores and then relax. Even while you complete your tasks, you can conserve energy by using little movement. If you batch similar tasks or confine yourself to tasks in a small area you use less energy.

The stillness of the mind is trickier to achieve. However, this kind of quietness is more crucial to your overall contentment because it also brings inner harmony. 

How do you feel when you get some shocking news? How about when you finally reach your target at work, win an award, or find yourself suddenly in a crisis? You feel a rush of adrenaline and you're off, letting off steam in a gush of emotion, words, or action.

So, if this is such an instinctive response to big changes, why do you need to nurture stillness? When you're in the middle, when you're centered, you can see both ends of the spectrum.

When you refrain from extreme reactions, you can regulate your response to the situation. You can be unbiased. Most importantly, you can learn from your circumstances and use them for self-development.

From another perspective, when you've adopted internal quietness, you're less likely to face extreme highs and lows.

These tips can aid your development of a still mind:

1.  Stop. In an extreme situation, pull away from the circumstance for a moment. Take a deep breath before you react. You are the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior

2.  Listen. Listen carefully to what's being said. If your mind jumps the gun with words you feel compelled to speak, bring it back to the moment. Return your attention to what the other is saying.

3.  Think. Consider why you're facing the situation. Did you play a part in creating it? Is the other simply mirroring you? What lesson can you learn from this circumstance?

If you take these steps, you'll be able to avoid overreacting or reacting negatively in haste. This means your response, when it does come, will be the right one for the circumstances and you.

 The value of silence to harmony

Another way to develop mental stillness is to practice silence. Speak only when necessary. Speak only when you have something important to say or something that will help the other. Stillness speaks, be the presence that listens.

Before you speak, examine your motivation for saying what you want to say. Is it to further the welfare of the other? Or is it to praise yourself or prove that you're right and the other wrong? A need to always seem right is the basis of many conflicts.

Moreover, when you're normally silent, your words have more impact. People pay attention when you speak.

As you work toward greater self-awareness, try developing internal stillness and inner harmony. Just follow these guidelines as a start. As you practice, you'll receive many rewards.

My final thought

I won’t say finding inner harmony is easy. It’s probably one of the more difficult things to achieve for yourself and one of the most beneficial. Though Gram and I always had a great rapport, I fought her on this. I was a know-it-all teen, so sue me. But the habit of a lifetime kicked in and I began to explore the idea. For nearly fifty years I have been grateful I did. Inner harmony brings happiness and peace that outer circumstances can’t take from you.

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